My mom is suggesting my DH is sexually inappropriate with my 33mo dd

[daddledaddle]

Today my mom and I were talking about the fact that my husband and I speak about preventing sexual abuse of our daughter. I'm a child psychiatrist and have seen enough clients to know the damage. So we are teaching her proper anatomical terms, and have decided to limit any real "alone time" with any men when we are not there. Including friends/family--of course.

Then my mom says the last time we were visiting (she lives in the states, we're in UK) she saw my DH playing w my dd in a way that was inappropriate. She told me he was bouncing her up and down in a way that was either "stimulating" to her or simulating sex. I've certainly seen it before--he'll lay on his back on the couch w her straddled facing away and bounce her, or just sitting up on his lap. I've certainly thought it could look provocative to an outsider who wanted to impugn negative intent , but I figured she's having an amazing time being bounced around like mad. But apparently my mom was appalled, but not enough to question him, or tell me, until today (this would have happened in September).

Now a caveat it that my mother doesn't like my DH, and when I told her I wanted to marry him she proceeded to tell me he was emotionally abusive, and asked if I was sure he wasn't in love w his (gay) best friend, that he didn't have HIV, and all sorts of other not so helpful things.

So of course I need to take this seriously, even though my mother has a lot of anger about my moving out of the country and marrying a man she doesn't like. I will certainly say something the next time he bounces her like that. He is otherwise completely appropriate (if what he's doing is inappropriate). I certainly am not going to confront him or tell him my mom said it.

Of course I was dumbfounded as to how my mom would have waited till now to say anything and she said there was already such a rift how would it sound if she said that, and also said that since I'm the psychiatrist I should have known or something--huh? Anyway she seemed to think is never seen the bouncing and was surprised I had.

Spam me with ideas on how to deal with the both of them. By the way, he is perhaps socially awkward/unclear about how to be polite (due to rude parents) but I don't think he's molesting our child.

Oh shit! Me and DP have put up decorations, have stuff in our garden, we bounce babies on our knees; should people think we are predatory sex offenders?

this is possibly the strangest thing I've ever read on mumsnet.... and there have been some very strange threads.

I buy those special 'approved non paedo' lights Qazxc.
You can get them from Lakeland.

Mummyxtwo - the OP claims to be a pyschiatrist and as such should know that her mother is spouting utter rubbish.

As for the Facebook group - words fail me!

The more I read the more I think that the whoe thing is bollocks - her writing does not read like some with a degree in medicine and any years post-grad training.

She also says in her OP that she is in the UK and later swaps to Arizona - all very hairy!

She said she is in Arizona ATM, at the moment. Presumably visiting her mother.

That said I'm still a bit that a psychiatrist thinks never letting her child be alone with a MAN!!! that is not the father is a proportionate response to the risk of child abuse.

OP, bouncing your child on your lap is not inappropriate. just because some adults can't see beyond the sexual uses of body parts doesn't mean it's sexual.

Can I ask why you have told your mother you are trying for another baby, given what you said about her not approving of your marriage, and husband and now this allegation, why you chose to share this information with her?

So of course I need to take this seriously

No, you don't. Your mother is making up rubbish. Ignore her, tell her to cop onto herself, whatever - but do NOT take it seriously.

Is the mama bear group that lot who think you should smother children in order to keep them safe from all the paedos lurking round every corner?

Because not allowing children to have any freedom ever is the perfect way to raise healthy, independent adults .

I like the Lakeland non-paedo lights, Font. Can you get them with anti-paedo strobe effect too?

You can get the TwinklePeed ones from Pedlars but obv £££.

THE LAKELAND ANTI-MENZ LIGHTS ARE A CON.

IT'S A CONSPIRACY.

I read it on FB.

Is this post a joke? If not, what a sad indictment of current English and American society! Poor DH, and poor DD.

You are a qualified practising child psychiatrist? Sadly that makes me continue to mistrust the whole of this profession.

Good grief! And there was me worrying vaguely about it being only women at dc primary school and them not having a male teacher/ role model who wasn't a parent. And - gasp- being alone with a teacher or male TA.

You need to spend time with other normal families op, and see what they do and how they act with their dc.

Nothing to do with the thread but why do people refer to their kids age in months past the age of 2? Always baffles me.

This is what concerns me, if OP is supposed to be spot on, then what chance does anyone have, seeing someone like OP, when they are vulnerable?

My babies fed from my breasts - those secondary sexual characteristics.

Am I a latent paedophile do you think?

So you're plugging a site then?

Don't you have some kind of counselling to help you in your work? Why not speak to them about this?

Because April is child abuse prevention month apparently.. perfect timing for a bullshit story.

Fuck. By these standards dh and I both need locking up for the protection of our ds. I mean, we even bath with him and take photos!

Oh, just a website plug, then.

At least you aren't really about to decimate your marriage for nothing.

It may have backfired though - a simple 'did you know it's national child abuse awareness month, have you seen this website?' Might have worked better than some ridiculous story about a dad, a mil, and normal toddler play.

Hey ho.

Do you run the site, op? Is that your practice as a child psych?

matana

There's no hope for you.