Phrases you never thought you'd say...

[NorthEasterlyGale]

DS1 is 21 months, DS2 is 3 weeks. I find myself increasingly using phrases that, pre children, I never would have thought I'd need. At the time, they always sound reasonable...

So far today...

'No DS1, we don't poke the baby with a ladle' as he tried to scoop DS2's head into a plastic ladle he loves. No contact was actually made, I hasten to add.

'DS1, we don't need to measure what size shoes the cat takes' as he tried to work out how to apply our newly acquired Clarks foot measuring tool to the very patient, deaf cat.

Anyone else find themselves using bizarre phrases or is it just me and DH that have gone nuts?

"BECAUSE I SAID SO....!"

As said by me to DS1 (2.5yo) 10 mins ago....
"Please stop licking the window"

Oh and earlier I said "no I am not going to poke you in the eye, so stop asking"

To 7mo DD: "we do NOT put soaking wet nappies in our mouth!"

I recently used the phrase 'that's not daddy, that's Nelson Mandela'.

Dp is a 38 yo white male with a bald head, Ds was pointing to the cover of Long Walk to Freedom

Can I just say this is hilarious :) I have been so down & stressed with my 4 month old DS (I have PND) and this has made me laugh out loud ..... so thank you & your children ... I can't wait now, the future looks rosy!

Put your willy aWAY! said many times today to DS1 (3.6)

The other day I heard myself say to DS 'Ok, you feed the sea monkeys, I'll fix the Millenium Falcon.'

'Yes, I suppose willies are quite funny. Don't put it on my Kindle!'

'I don't want to talk about dog poo while I'm eating my dinner!'

'No, I don't think that lady looks like a man, can you talk a bit more quietly please? And walk a bit faster?'

'Yes, I suppose willies are quite funny. Don't put it on my Kindle!'

'I don't want to talk about dog poo while I'm eating my dinner!'

'No, I don't think that lady looks like a man, can you talk a bit more quietly please? And walk a bit faster?'

Oh For Fucks Sake 100x a day

"Why don't you have your dummy and watch ITNG?!"

"Dd do not put that pen on the dogs bottom" to which she replied" I just colouring it mummy make it blue" wtf?!

Ds will you take that giraffe out my knickers.
When he was using clean knickers hung on the clothes horse as a hammock for his animals.

There are loads of things I never thought I'd say. Wish I had written them down for threads like this.

No, stop brushing the dogs teeth with your toothbrush. I know she ate cat poo earlier but that won't help.

No DS [aged 4] we can't leave your sister [aged 21 months] in her cot while we go to soft play. No, not even if we tie her in. No, not even if we leave her a biscuit as well.

DS, worms will not be nice and comfy in your bed.

Love this thread!! Dd only 12wks so not got any yet but loving reading them all!

DS, pull your trousers up. Why? Well because nobody else is sitting here in Starbucks in just their pants, that's why.

"Leave your willy alone. It will go BANG!"

"Bang!"

"Bang!"

"Bang!!"

"No, being naughty is NOT funny!!"

"Bang!!!!"

Then he tucks me up in bed for a pre-night shift nap and says "sweet dreams mummy" and all is well again.....

"I did not call you Nipple because Nipple is not a name! And no, it's not the most beautiful word in the world, and no I will not change your name to it!"

Ongoing battle with dd aged 6...

"you'll have to wait for the captain to turn the seat belt sign off before you can poo now. It's time to take off"

Talking about patron saints: 'No, there isn't a saint hyphen!'

(ds is very proud of the hyphen in his name!)

"I don't think you can ride a lion"

"Captian hook isn't real, so that couldn't have been his son"

To dd (almost 5) no honey stop pointing, pointing is rude, thats a midget on a mobility scooter........not a little boy on a motorbike lol (CRIIIIIINGE)