Phrases you never thought you'd say...

[NorthEasterlyGale]

DS1 is 21 months, DS2 is 3 weeks. I find myself increasingly using phrases that, pre children, I never would have thought I'd need. At the time, they always sound reasonable...

So far today...

'No DS1, we don't poke the baby with a ladle' as he tried to scoop DS2's head into a plastic ladle he loves. No contact was actually made, I hasten to add.

'DS1, we don't need to measure what size shoes the cat takes' as he tried to work out how to apply our newly acquired Clarks foot measuring tool to the very patient, deaf cat.

Anyone else find themselves using bizarre phrases or is it just me and DH that have gone nuts?

DDs, don't force the cat to hunt and kill the millipede. Why? Because it's already dead.

DD2 can you please just hold your bogey (her word!) in your hand until we get home?

Let me see how much money mummy has in her purse. Out loud. At work. With no children in sight and an office full of colleagues making this face:

Oh and I am so proud! You did a poo! In a potty! Listen random strangers at playgroup, she did a poo!!

Today - 'DS1 please do not put your willy in a sock'

Yesterday - 'DS2, please do not poke DS1 with your willy', 'yes Mummy can see that it has gone all big', 'DS2 please do not poke DS1 with your willy' repeat ad nauseum.

mainly willy related in this house at the moment...

Why would you put the cat in your toy kitchen oven?
Stop playing with your bum!
Why do you like sitting in an empty bath fully clothed?
You've not pooed in three days, where is all this food going?

Endless list! All of which I've never said before!

"OK DS, if you eat some more pasta, you can have more butterbeans"

• now I have that written down to remind me when he hits his fussy phase!

"Stop being so childish" - said when DS was about 14 months old

Please don't lick the headlights (after driving all the way to Cornwall )

Please don't lick the plane (bit of a theme here)

Whilst trying to console crying DS1 who couldn't find his pants 'well next time don't throw your pants in the bushes'

Take your hand out of your trousers!

Sharing's caring :-(

dS, take that ( Playmobil) sword out of your penis.

"Make sure you use the wet wipes and not the Toilet cleaning ones!"

"No playing with your willy when it's covered in poo"

said at most nappy changes involving a big poo.

"how about you play with something other than your willy?"

said at most bath times...........

No we dont poo on the slide

Stop waving your willy at next door please

Do you really need another tattoo (not the same child!)

Please put some pants on you cant go outside like that.

Please stop licking the baby

No its not funny when the baby falls over, sometimes with a little helping hand.

Stop wiping your willy on your brother, you know he doesnt like it.

No i dont want to see its bigger, leave it alone please.

Get your finger out of your bum!

OMG these are hilarious. Keep them coming. My dd only small so will keep waiting for our comedy gold

Did you just wee on the baby?

Yes eating your vegetables will make your poo all soft and squishy

No DS, mummy won't hold your willy

"You've not pooed in three days, where is all this food going?"

Totally tickled me! Ha ha

Can you please stop weeing in the cat litter tray and use your potty like a human?

(to 8 week old) Any possibility you could poo more quietly or later than 5am?!

To my 6 year old as we walked home from school,
"did you have PE?"

"yes, are my shoes on the wrong feet they feel funny."

"No, your shoes are on the right feet, but the left one is two sizes too big and a different colour."

Let's leave the monkey brains here for other people to enjoy.. (DD was collecting clumps of seaweed on the beach)