explaining gay sex

[BelleateSebastian]

My nearly 10 year old ds has just asked me how 2 men can have sex bloody Coronation street I explained the sex thing to him a couple of years ago, I subtly cowardly changed the subject, but I could see he was pondering the 'mechanics' he then seemed to have a 'light bulb' moment and hit the nail on the head, I confirmed he was correct, he didn't seem particularly perturbed and has gone to bed to finish Gangsta Granny!

Has anyone else had this question at such a young age? I feel like the very basics of sex is enough at 10 but it seems like everything is happening younger nowadays

[NurseyWursey]

This thread was about explaining male gay sex to your child

Nigella warned her son about not going into mens toilets alone because it's dangerous and explained about male gay sex.

[HerrenaHarridan]

The part about anal sec was referring to a poster who said that 2men and 1 man and 1 woman may also have anal sex. Personally it's not my preferred mo but if there's homophobia hunting going in then the above example needed pointing out.

I do not see where ND said the nursey, she felt she needed to explain the mechanics of gay sex because she was trying to justify to her son why she didn't want to send him into the mens loos unattended.

That doesn't mean all men or all fat men are peadophiles just that there's enough of a risk for her to feel worried that a peadophile who happened to be gay may be exploiting the vulnerable nature if public toilets to access young boys.

Yes it's a bit ott but NOT IMO homophobic

[PatrickStarisabadbellend]

My gay friend doesn't have anal sex at all, never has and never will.

[NigellasDealer]

there's enough of a risk for her to feel worried that a peadophile who happened to be gay may be exploiting the vulnerable nature if public toilets to access young boys
exactly what i meant thank you herrena, obviously you are better at expressing things than i am.

[YetAnotherHelenMumsnet]

[NurseyWursey]

Has visions of Helen with a pointy stick

[confuddledDOTcom]

I am trying to work out the possible combinations of what ND said and none of them are nice:

1. This is how boys are abused. Why would you tell an 8yo that??? Just like how two gay men don't always have anal sex, not all boys who are abused by men are anally raped anyway.
   

1. You might come across gay men having sex. Do you really think that's really going on all the time? I just asked a room of men what happens in a toilet and was told "I go to the toilet, wash my hands and leave". Do you think gay men are so sex hungry that they can't wait until they get home or that they are such a rare breed they have to jump each other as soon as they meet? Do you not think that they want as much privacy as you do?
   

1. You might meet a gay man who will want sex with you. Is that the only reason men go to the toilet in public toilets? Don't you think that gay men might have standards (ya know, like how you don't jump a man just because he's a man, the same that would keep you from randomly jumping an 8yo boy)? And we can bring in most of the points I've already made.

[BelleateSebastian]

MNHQ, feel free to delete this if you feel it necessary, I just wanted confirmation that I hadn't given ds to much info to soon, which I think I have got

[HerrenaHarridan]

All fat men fucking auto correct, gay men obviously.

Yes usual if you said you though I personally was going molest your dd I would be upset, but if you said you didn't want to send you dd into the ladies alone incase a homosexual female peadophile interfered with her I would think you probably had something in your past that was making you be ott but wouldn't see cause for offence.

Yet another posted had claimed that only gay men and heterosexuals have anal sex but no one bats an eyelid.

You all jumped on ND saying that's this instance is how the topic had arisen but I don't see anything wrong with what she said

Yes a huge proportion of child sex abuse happens in the home but a tiny percent does happen in public toilets and do some people are bound to feel cautious of them.

For me it was corn fields and I still avoid them at all costs,

[Sparklingbrook]

Why does autocorrect turn 'gay' into 'fat?

[NigellasDealer]

thats right all jump on me in a mob for perceived 'homophobia' and then come out with racist stereotype bollox - whatever -

[HerrenaHarridan]

No mrs devere, in not a clinician, some peadophiles are heterosexual, some bisexual and some homosexual. How else would you line me to describe a theoretical individual who was attracted to children of the same gender?

To the pp with points 1,2,3 I think you are massively extrapolating

[TheVictorian]

To Anyone One point of view which is better the child is told all strangers are nice people and can do no harm or hes told that he should be careful when going into the toilets as yes most people may be nice but their are also some dangerous people who may put him at risk?

[HerrenaHarridan]

Presumably sparkling because the t is next to the y

[confuddledDOTcom]

I hate the idea of paedophiles being called homosexual in relation to their crime. Oh shall I mix it up a bit more not all paedophiles are child abusers and not all child abusers are paedophiles but the idiots who can't get past "homosexual paedophiles" lurking in the gents aren't going to get their head around that!

[Sparklingbrook]

Oh a typo then HH?

[confuddledDOTcom]

Would you like to explain a 4th theory then HH? Either she thinks that she needs to explain how boys are abused, she's worried he'll be fodder for the gay men or he'll meet gay men, what else have I missed?

[unlucky83]

Just saw cross post with thevictorian re cottaging...
MrsDevere - maybe not a clinical term (don't know if there is such a thing) but a 'male paedophile with a preference for boys' is a bit of a drag to type...actually just googled and 'homosexual molestation' (and heterosexual molestation) were used but the preferred term now is 'male-male molestation' but neither of those terms seem to take the fact a child is involved ...I think not only children can be molested...

[KidsDontThinkImCool]

FWIW I don't think glucose was being offensive. Possibly poorly explained but she was not equating gay men with pedophiles.

[MsMischief]

I'm ignoring the weirdness

I was quite old before it occurred to me that 'sex' was anything other than PIV. I think it's sometimes necessary to explain that there are lots of different kinds of sex and people do what feels nice yadda yadda.

I'm bisexual and had been having sex for ages without really knowing I was having sex. This was in the 80s when there weren't any lesbians on TV to speak of. I knew what I was doing was 'sex related' but I didn't think of it as sex at all. I'm actually still slightly confused as to what constitutes sex, specifically non penetrative sex. Is there a clear distinction between fooling around/foreplay and sex. I should know this, I'm more than 4x older than the OPs ds and I've had loads of, 'what I call sex'.