explaining gay sex

[BelleateSebastian]

My nearly 10 year old ds has just asked me how 2 men can have sex bloody Coronation street I explained the sex thing to him a couple of years ago, I subtly cowardly changed the subject, but I could see he was pondering the 'mechanics' he then seemed to have a 'light bulb' moment and hit the nail on the head, I confirmed he was correct, he didn't seem particularly perturbed and has gone to bed to finish Gangsta Granny!

Has anyone else had this question at such a young age? I feel like the very basics of sex is enough at 10 but it seems like everything is happening younger nowadays

[confuddledDOTcom]

As has already been said in this thread, some gay men never have anal sex, so he still doesn't have an accurate picture - if that's what you were going for. It just seems like too much detail to go into at that age when it's not totally accurate anyway.

ChocolateBiscuitCake - the OP wasn't what caused all the "flaming" it's been in response to Nigella and as other's have said it's not flaming to call it out. Yes, there are rare stories of children having been abused in toilets, but you don't need to explain gay sex to tell a child what might happen to them if they're abused.

[MultipleMama]

at knowing about anal sex but calling women's genitals "lady parts"!

We're leaving the women have anal sex too dissussion for when he can work it out for himself! . The only reason anal sex (gay sex) was brought up was because he wanted to know how two men make love when they haven't "lady parts".

[MultipleMama]

We use the term "man parts" too! I use the word anal, we don't use it with him.

As for telling him at his current age, we don't see it as a big deal, it isn't a taboo subject for us either. It's not going to scar him, it's not like we went into detail just the basics and we'd rather discuss it than brush it under the table.

Ultimately, it's upto each individual family when they choose to discuss it. What's the right time for us may not be the same for someone else.

[Martorana]

at knowing about anal sex but calling women's genitals "lady parts"!

[BeverleyMoss]

You told him this at 5?

Jesus, it's okay to say 'that's all you need to know for now'

you know?

[MultipleMama]

He knows "lady parts" and "man parts" and the general mechanics of it so he knows the difference but he doesn't know the proper names for the "making love" such as anal and vagina - that's just what wrote because I know the terminology.

And yep, 5. To be honest, I think he's forgot that the conversation took place, that or he's just not bothered now that we answered him instead of avoiding it.

[Sparklingbrook]

He knows the difference between anal and vaginal sex. At 5?

[MultipleMama]

My ds1 is 5 years old and knows what sex is. He asked (including all the "whys"!) and we explained the best we could using terms he could understand for his age & intelligence while being technical about it. He knows the difference between anal and vaginal sex. The subject has never been brought up since - I think we satisfied his curiosity. The only thing he's been "exposed" to is kissing and he just points and giggles

[Sparklingbrook]

Exactly Martorana.

[Martorana]

It's not flaming when people say stupid and offensive things and are told so.

[ChocolateBiscuitCake]

I can not read the original post that has caused all the flaming, but...

In Nigella's defence I know first hand of a boy who was molested by a restaurant kitchen porter when he went to the loo by himself.

It does happen :(

I agree there is no comparison between gay sex and paedophilia

[TeaAndALemonTart]

I think this highlights why people would feel the need for a name change. I will not be able to disassociate certain posters with their disgusting comments.

[confuddledDOTcom]

Sounds like there is a lot more than just people having sex

Most people wouldn't want to risk people (especially children) walking in on them but there will be evidence of it happening - condoms, possibly drug use - and dirtier than normal because of the amount of use it's getting. Toilets aren't often nice places anyway.

[Buchanon08]

There was a school letter reminding people to always make sure their children were supervised when using the toilets and neighbouring playground. Friends who live very close were visited by police so yes, eventually everyone knew the reason for extra vigilance plus there was very high police presence for a while and I have witnessed arrests at school pick up. But no, my children did not need explicit explanations why they are now not allowed in when once they used to be. As someone said 'they're too dirty' sufficed (according to a Dad they are gross now, sticky floor, holes cut between cubicles!)

[HoneyDragon]

You know you can take what someone says at face value. Occasionally people have unsavoury opinions and you have to respect people's right to express their stupidity in a tolerant fashion.

There's no need to try and extrapolate something sensible from something stupid.

[PirateJones]

A friend of a friend told everyone.

[Sparklingbrook]

Possibly in the school newsletter confuddled?

[Martorana]

Or was it a helpful message on Facebook?

[confuddledDOTcom]

They warned you that was happening during the day? At school in and out times?

Even if that's what Nigella was getting at she didn't need to explain in detail what would be seen in there (if she was actually right )

[Sparklingbrook]

Did you get a letter from the Police or see a poster up or something Buch? How did they warn people?

[Buchanon08]

I live in a very rural area but men do meet for sex in the local public toilets (is near a school so police have warned people) I do not let me son go in there, not because I think gay men are more likely to abuse him but because he shouldn't have to be exposed to any kind of sexual activity, between anyone, at his age. I may be wrong but I think that's what Nigella's getting at, this stuff does happen...

[TantrumsAndBalloons]

Is it obtuse to understand the difference between a gay person and a paedophile and not to teach my children that they are one and the same?

[confuddledDOTcom]

knowing your Own son is one thing but the way you used it is like the misuse of but!

[Martorana]

Yep. So much easier to just disengage than address your prejudices.

A man who touches a boy child in a sexual way is a paedophile not a homosexual. Homosexuals are adults who are sexually attracted to adults of the same gender as them. Paedophiles are adults who are sexually attracted to children.

Public toilets are not dangerous places.