Soft play area - Am I being a snob?

[CJones1982]

My DS has just turned 3 yrs old and we've just got back from our local soft play area. Whilst there, I witnessed some problems and behaviours from other mums and their children. Whenever we go there I make sure I'm feeling energetic so I can go round with him to help him and just incase he needs me, maybe I'm too protective! There was a group of 6 mums and they just let their kids get on with it. One gave her little girl a fruit shoot which she then brought into the ball pit, I don't agree with food in there anyway and there are signs saying no food and drink inside the play area. The girl then squirted the fruit shoot in my face. I was polite and just said 'we don't do that as it's not nice, drinks are for drinking. Her mum witnessed this then came over and simply took the drink off her and said your not allowed drinks in there, no telling off for the squirting! Don't give it to her then!! The girl was then throwing balls in other children's faces and then mine. I said to her ' these are to play in, you can throw against the soft wall or other balls but not at each other as that's not nice' - The children were all running riot and then I decided to take my son to a quieter area. All the kids then followed me trying to hold my hand and talking to me. I didn't mind at all but the parents just sat there gossiping or engrossed on their phones and had no clue where the children were. It's like I was the paid entertainer!! So am I being snobby? Does this happen at your local soft play? If my son showed any behaviour that was unkind or inconsiderate to others, I'd tell him! I mentioned to my friend on the phone when I got home and she said 'The mums were having a break, get over it' - So I had to ask you mumsnetters? If I'm wrong and you say so, I'll go with it!

I was actually going to say how verbal is you child op? I think that makes a massive difference.

My ds really struggles with his speech at the moment so gets easily frustrated and can't tell me what's happened.

I think the more verbal they are, the higher the independence.

chippingin I do agree with that. It depends on the kids. I can easily take my 3 (although I hate softplays so don't go unless desperate) and look after 15 month old while the older two run off.
I know my two won't hurt others. If DC3 turns out to be a bruiser then maybe Id forgo the coffee!

iloveonion where the hell is your softplay? The Bronx. Did your DD end up with concussion and a black eye on separate days? What happened.

I went to a smallish soft play place once and the children could hardly move for all the parents in the play equipment. My ds wanted to go down the slide into the ball pit so he stood at the top and asked the parent at the bottom to please move out of his way so he could come down, said parent glared at him and told him no he'd have to wait! Luckily my very lovely but fairly scary looking DH appeared at that moment and asked ds if he was ok and the parents in the ballpool parted like the Red Sea

OP I do think YABU but I am enjoying your posts which are going from 'I'm right you're wrong and you're all shitty lazy parents' to 'well they're all different so they need different things'

'So if once your DS is 'more independant and sociable' you will leave him to it, don't judge other who have already reached that stage...'

Clearly some kids haven't reached tat stage, possibly because their parents haven't either.

My point was that a few kids haven't reached that stage and are not sociable and ok to be left alone if they are squirting fruit shoots! I accept there's me, overprotective me, then parents with children who can play nicely whilst mum watches closely but then there are the ones that are left to get on with it regardless of behaviour without a glance from mum. This thread has made me rethink a lot of things and I thank you all for that.

I think a few posters are ganging up on this poor mum and i have just put myself in her shoes. Yes she has some strong views but i think theres still a message in it all.
When i take my kids to soft play, most mums are just sat there on phones and do not even acknowledge the kids, they could be anywhere for all they know, someone could grab them and theyd be gone or hurt themselves at the top and you wouldnt know.
It is about a balance and i think that is what she meant.
I also dont think its bad to go in with a child if they still need your help regardless of age. Its ridiculous when posters have said well we all couldnt go in or you wouldnt be able to move. All the children in theses places are different ages and have different abilities.
Its all too competitive and so much pressure is put on mums now, no wonder we keep reading these stories of suicides in the press.

You really made me laugh yesterday OP

Op I think you come across as a nice person. I hope you have a more enjoyable soft play experience in the future!

OP, I have only been to one soft play area and I HATED it. DD tried to put on a brave face but was frightened I could tell. The sticky floor, the other mums' little brutes, snotty noses, ignored attention seekers, elbows everywhere --- yuk! It actually reminded of that IKEA store opening where people queued up overnight then GBH'd each other to get to the bargains.

I decided never to return, though. I'd never moan about the soft play in RL.

Just don't go again, stick to the playground. You are a snob but so what?

It's put me off for life and I'm not joking, I now know what the sat down mums are thinking of me!

yes - haha!

I hate soft play anyway due to ocd and issues with germs but this has made me decide we will not b going again. I think it's fine to sit and have a coffee read a book whatever and just keep an ear and an eye out for ur dc when u know they r able to conduct themselves in an appropriate manner ie not beating other kids up. A bit of pushing and shoving is to b expected they're kids and excited but every time I take my lot there is always a group of mums not interested at all where their kids r or what they're doing and perhaps it's not necessarily one of those mothers dc but there is always one overly boisterous child throwing balls at the little ones and pushing kids off of ride ons etc and no parent appears to reprimand. I no longer go in the area with my boys but I used to as ds2 is v small and couldn't reach to climb so needed help. I do however stay at the side watching them I can't just go sit down ds1 has glue ear and as a result is quite deaf and often feels confused by all the noise and will get lost. I also don't feel I can relax and grab a coffee as like I said there's always one child ruining it and as their parent is getting a break I don't. Op I got what u meant but I can c how mums who's kids go in and play nicely and allow for them to have 5 mins peace would take it the wrong way. I however now know that I'm being judged at these places and won't b going back

Just to clarify ds2 is v small for his age he was old enough just not tall enough he's 3 and in 12-18 month clothes :)

A lot depends on how old your kids are and what your local soft play is like.
My dd is only 19 mths and my experience of soft play has been almost universally hideous so I’ve some sympathy with OP. I’d love to have given dd a longer leash but she was constantly being kicked out of the way/trampled on by older toddlers (whose parents turned a blind eye) and yes, I stuck to the under 2’s area (which was overrun by 3 yr olds). I totally accept the position is different with older kids, I’m talking about toddlers.

Toddlers need a degree of supervision, guidance and intervention. How would posters feel about a nursery where staff simply sat back and drank coffee while toddlers ‘learnt to play independently’? Where no toddler was taught to wait their turn or not to hit/shove/kick because hey, they need to toughen up and learn the law of the jungle themselves don’t they? It amazes me how many parents ignore selfish, aggressive, nasty behaviour in their own toddlers yet if their little darling was kicked at nursery they’d be jumping down the staff’s throats.

There’s only one soft play I’ve been to that was fantastic, in a leisure centre, only for under 4’s, stacks of space and parents who kept an eye on their kids. It’s in one of the poorest parts of the country (and the worst soft play I’ve been to is in the most expensive part of the country) so it’s nothing to do with snobbery.

Chin up OP, I think you’ve maybe not expressed yourself perfectly and might have been misinterpreted a bit but I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.

It's funny how the OP is getting a completely different response to the one on this thread

I have a 3yo DS who still likes me to play with him at soft play. TBH I've rarely seen any other children of his age/height be left unsupervised at the soft play centre we go to unless they're in a pack with older siblings to help them out. The rare completely unsupervised one usually ends up tagging onto another child with a parent in tow and being a bit of a pain or stands wailing when they get stuck somewhere. And yes I do think it's crap parenting to let that happen and I couldn't care less if the parent is having a tough day, I'm not there to babysit their child and I have to get through a fog of depression and general rubbish too so if anyone's entitled to sit on their bum and let their child annoy other people I think I am!

And Harry, I'm so pleased you put that link up! Thank you! So all the mumsnetters are saying follow them around on that thread but not on this thread of mine. Kids are fine on their own going around if they are capable, being supervised and told off for bad behaviour.

Nice one for adding the link AndHarry.
At least that poster fessed up that her own child was capable of hitting another rather than claiming their little angel never behaved badly. The only child that never misbehaves is the one bound and tied to a chair :)

But, AndHarry, just because your 3yr old needs the support and risks getting stuck doesn't mean all 3yr olds would. At 3yrs my boys were members of a climbing club (DH is an avid climber) and could swim fairly well too having had one to one lessons from 18mths. Yet I know of other parents who didn't even contemplate swimming lessons until their child was 4 or 5 (which is fine if your child really isn't ready) My ds2 was verbally and physically articulate at 2yrs old. He did not need nor want help. He refused to get in a pushchair well before he was 2 too so he certainly wasn't easy. But although he was physically able he wasn't a hitter, thrower or pusher although they all jostle at the top of the slide. I have seen some children even 4yr olds cry if they are elbowed at soft play. I guess some children are more sensitive than others.

OP, the sat down mums probably don't even notice you are there. They are too busy ignoring everything but their coffee and 'me time' to be bothered about you I expect.

From these posts lokos like noone's child is a 'hitter, thrower or pusher'. Must be mini alien beings taking over soft play these days...

Oh no, BadBecky, I also have one who was a pusher and a shover (not so much hitting) just not the one I was referring to. I think it's probably because he was so verbally articulate and physically able. Toddlers hit and throw through frustration, don't they? My others did anyway.

Badbeckysharpe believe me my kids would hit throw etc my point is I'm there watching them and I don't take my eyes off them they don't get the opportunity to react in the wrong way bcos I'm there to diffuse the situation. My nieces and nephews on the other hand r kids that wouldn't naturally react like that and can go in and b kept an eye on so I c both sides but my ds1 has quite bad glue ear and can't hear v well at all so I know he can get confused or get too boisterous bcos he doesn't understand the game therefore he is supervised. I get annoys when kids r running riot and beating smaller children and seemingly unsupervised. I accept my kids r going to get hit pushed etc at soft play but it would b nice to c a parent coming over and explaining to their child that the baby in the ball pit doesn't deserve balls thrown off their head for example. Interesting hoe everyone on the other thread thought children were to b supervised closely. No one likes seeing their child get hurt.

Haven't read the entire thread but it may be quite snobby but I have seen terrible parenting at these places. I know dtd1 is a biter (not so much now but she had a phase a 2yo (she's now 2.4) so I would never turn my back as she might bite another kid if provoked. Also at 2 or 3 they need to be watched even in a padded play area. I am far more relaxed taking my eldest who is almost 6 but then I know she is well behaved. She has however been punched in sort play areas where the other child's mum has seen and ignored or said "don't do that" in a soppy wet voice, which to me is lazy parenting. dtds are far more independent than dd1 was so do go in on their own but I have to watch carefully. Seeing parent on their phones when they have young dc calling them and they're ignoring them is one of the regular delights of soft play I'm afraid.

To me soft play trips are hard work and all about the children getting a treat rather than me relaxing - to relax I make a cuppa and shove Peppa Pig on the TV on "play all episodes".

It's not snobby. Not watching your children goes across the social spectrum!

worried I am jealous of your kids, I want to join a climbing club :o

If my 3yo was happy to run off and play for an hour at soft play I would be thrilled to sit in the cafe and read a book. He's getting there but for now I'm happy to entertain him/give him a leg up when he needs it. I don't think that makes DS 'wet' or me 'one of those helicopter mums'. I have no issue with little ones running around by themselves except when they're annoying/hurting other children or have just been dumped in there despite being too little to manage in their own and getting upset while their parents are oblivious. That's the crap parenting bit.