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To be upset when mums tell me off about DD hitting.

(283 Posts)
lill72 Thu 21-Nov-13 20:03:45

I go to a local soft play and my DD who is 3 is going through a bit of a hitting phase. I really want this phase to go and do everything I can to tell her it is not ok and speak to the nursery frequently about it.

At this soft play, you really let the kids go and you sit and watch. I check on DD all the time to see where she is and that she is ok. But you cannot see everywhere from where you are sitting. I check on her lots, but feel like now I should literally sit with her or follow her around. But in some ways, I also feel like a lot of argy bargey goes on at these things and following her everywhere is a little OTT for a 3 year old.

Don't get me wrong - I am horrified that she hits and am not sitting back passively at all. I will be the first to tell her it is wrong etc etc.

What I do not like is when other parents come up and tell me that my DD is 'walloping my child' in a very mean tone. They get very nasty and I leave feel awful as if my child is a monster.

One week I got told off by a woman 'your child was hitting my child' way after the fact, when I was trying to sort out my DD and her DD wanting the same toy. I think her DD had also hit my DD earlier, as she came to me crying.

I dont mind being told, I just think there is a nicer way - like 'I just thought I should let you know - you're daughter has being hitting other children.' nicer tone, nicer words.

I get so incensed/angry/upset at me and my DD who is a very sweet little person -being treated like monsters. I don't want to go again at the moment.

anyone else have the same? what do you reply when someone comes up to you?

DeepThought Thu 21-Nov-13 20:08:21

Tbh you do need to be following ready to intervene on other children's behalf

sorry

MammaTJ Thu 21-Nov-13 20:09:47

Sorry, but you need to be doing more than checking her all the time when you know she is going through this awful phase. You need to be watching her like a hawk, sealing with it every time and not actually need other people to point out what is going on.

Hopefully the phase won't last long.

OddFodd Thu 21-Nov-13 20:10:05

Of course they're upset - your child is hitting their child!

Perhaps don't take her to softplay for a bit until the issue is resolved?

AnyBagsofOxfordFuckers Thu 21-Nov-13 20:10:17

Another chld hurts my child and the parent seems to be doing nothing about it, that parent is going to get a comment from me. I don't care if your child is the second coming of Christ, they hurt my son, there will be trouble.

5madthings Thu 21-Nov-13 20:10:28

If you have a hitter then you have to follow them round and then you can often stop them before they do it.

It is a pita but its what you need to do, my ds2 wemt through a similar phase.

AngelsLieToKeepControl Thu 21-Nov-13 20:10:55

I'd be pissed off if I had to get to the point of telling a parent their child is hitting mine too.

You know she is likely to be doing it so she needs constant supervising.

lisad123everybodydancenow Thu 21-Nov-13 20:11:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MollyMatey Thu 21-Nov-13 20:11:43

If you know that your child is "going through a hitting phase" then you need to be close by and ready to intervene before she hurts anyone. It's not ok for you to sit back and let her go in softplay.

Iwaswatchingthat Thu 21-Nov-13 20:11:47

Sorry, I do feel for you, but I would stop taking her to those places until you can be sure this phase (as you say) passes bad she stops hitting over children.

Athrawes Thu 21-Nov-13 20:12:15

"Really! Oh I am sorry. I will go and have a word with her now".
It signals to the upset parent that you have heard and understood and that you acknowledge their upset. Also, you will have to keep telling and telling and telling your DD.

I am not excusing the parents who are being a bit mean to you, but put yourself in their shoes. If a kid, especially a bigger one, hit your DD, would you not be upset. Would you not want acknowledgement and obvious action from the parent?

If your kid hits my kid I understand, this happens, but I expect you to deal with it. If my kid hits he is told off asap and if he does it again is removed for quiet time until he says sorry. He is 3 and that is old enough to understand and start to take responsibility for your actions.

Iwaswatchingthat Thu 21-Nov-13 20:12:41

Passes and she stops hitting other children

SkateLife Thu 21-Nov-13 20:13:27

Yup no soft play till this phase passes or follow child around. I had a biter, so I speak from experience.

Bowlersarm Thu 21-Nov-13 20:13:50

You need to be on top if this. It is a phase, but you need to be watching her all the time if she's prone to hit other children, and so you can intercept.

CoffeeTea103 Thu 21-Nov-13 20:14:06

As you said you would need to sit with her or follow her around, do it!
Do not expect anybody to be nice to you if their child is being hurt. Yabu and ridiculous to even think that.

alwaysneedaholiday Thu 21-Nov-13 20:14:06

I'm afraid i used to follow my dc around during this phase, and i took them home for 'repeat offences'!

Softplay unfortunately seems to incite this behaviour -over-excitement i suppose.

greenbananas Thu 21-Nov-13 20:14:21

I know what you mean -people can be so defensive when our is their own precious children being walloped.

Most children go through a brief hitting phase at some point. My ds did when he was about three. When he hit anybody at soft play or toddler group, I used to take him straight home while talking about how poor x must have felt to be hit when they were playing nicely and minding their own business - he soon got the message and other mums could see that I was taking the issue seriously.

You have my sympathy because it is horrible to feel that you and your child are being judged like this. But don't worry, this phase doesn't last long if you deal with it calmly.

HyvaPaiva Thu 21-Nov-13 20:14:43

Exactly what others are saying: you do need to follow, it's not 'OTT', it's essential as you know she's going through this. Maybe a short break from soft play too.

SaucyJack Thu 21-Nov-13 20:15:12

How often is this situation occuring?!

I can probably list on one hand the number of times other people have complained about my two- and neither of them are angels.

You need to get your finger out of your bumhole on this one I'm afraid.

Ruffcat Thu 21-Nov-13 20:15:32

Do you get her apologise to the hit child, as I all wats thinks that helps to cool the situation

WooWooOwl Thu 21-Nov-13 20:15:48

You can't expect people to use their most pleasant tone of voice when they are upset that their child has just been hurt by another whose Mum has just 'let the kids go'.

You need to be following your child around as you know she hits, it's really quite selfish and irresponsible of you not to ensure that she doesn't hurt another child.

alwaysneedaholiday Thu 21-Nov-13 20:16:23

I understand though that other parents should be polite when telling you. Children do things like this, but some parents don't seem to get that.

bluecheeseforbreakfast Thu 21-Nov-13 20:17:12

Yabu, your dd is not "a sweet little person" in tge eye's of the other parents she is a thug who is spoiling their child's play by hurting them.

I would suggest you follow your dd and at tge first hitting attempt you take her and sit her down with you fire a few minutes, then let her go back and play, if she does it again take her home.

She is 3 not 13 months old, she is old enough to understand that people who hit are not allowed to join in.

theywillgrowup Thu 21-Nov-13 20:17:46

follow your dd round soft play

id be pissed of if your dd was hitting other children and you did nothing to control it

for god's sake take some responsibility for your daughter,while you should be supervising,not lettng her run riot and frightening other children

how many parents do you exactly need to tell you your dd needs supervising,it's a no brainer

WhoNickedMyName Thu 21-Nov-13 20:18:52

Blimey how bad is this hitting phase? My DS went thru one but never to the point where another parent had to complain to me about it.

Maybe these other parents think you should be keeping a better eye on your "sweet little person" instead of letting her loose to wallop their kids.

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