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Parenting

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Original poster

Fun or naughty!!!

66 replies

peppajay · 10/12/2013 22:58

I have a friend who in my opinion is too strict. She has a no tv in the week rule, both kids have to be in bed by 630pm and are not allowed up until 7am, every single vegetable at dinner time has to be eaten and the whole plate - dinner starts at 430 so that gives the kids one and half hours to eat!!!! Her eldest child has had the spirit knocked out of her this year but her mums constant competition to be the strictest mother in town, they are constantly being nagged at and you never see them allowed to laugh- as this is frowned upon and seen as bad behaviour. Anyway to cut a long story short I have a son who I would say has spirit and can sometimes go to far but generally likes having fun but she sees fun as naughty. At a friends 40th at the weekend he was loving strutting his stuff on the dance floor and smacking the ladies bums, all the other ladies thought this was funny and were really getting him in the mood and encouraging him - she was absolutely mortified that I didn't take him home instantly for bad behavior!!! Apparently she was talking to another mum today at school about him and saying I encourage him to be naughty by not stopping him when his behavior is out of order and she feels sorry for my other friend having her son in my sons class as my son is going to lead her son astray and if her son and my son were in the same class she would be complaining!!! I feel shocked that she said these things about my child to another mother(I know she doesn't like him) and the other mums think he is fine and is just a boy that likes to have fun. So what is the difference between fun and spirited and downright naughty!!!

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TinselinaBumSquash · 10/12/2013 23:02

She sounds awful but tbh I'd not let my children get away with smacking ladies bottoms, it's horrible behaviour that I wouldn't want to see from grown ups or little children.

Wolfiefan · 10/12/2013 23:02

Smacking the bums of ladies on the dance floor = naughty.

Flisspaps · 10/12/2013 23:05

I'd find her style too strict, and yours not strict enough.

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Original poster

peppajay · 10/12/2013 23:07

I should have said they are not random people- all friends and family!!

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 10/12/2013 23:08

Don't care. I don't expect any child (or adult) to smack my bum. Not appropriate.

MirandaWest · 10/12/2013 23:08

I agree with the other posters - I don't care who the other people were; smacking people's bottoms isn't a good thing.

parakeet · 10/12/2013 23:09

A little boy I know recently smacked me on the bum, as he thought it was great fun. I found it really unpleasant.

Whoever told you all this is a massive stirrer by the way, and no friend.

Original poster

peppajay · 10/12/2013 23:17

I thought it was all in jest at a party among friends - and all my other friends bar this one never had a problem with it. It isn't like he is going round doing it at other times. They certainly didn't have a problem with it as they were all encouraging him to do it more and more!!! Just wish my friend who has a problem with him would understand he does have a bit of spirit and enjoys life and wouldn't slag him off to another mum!!!

OP posts:

Flisspaps · 10/12/2013 23:19

The problem is, parents who say their child is 'spirited' often can't see that their child is actually just behaving poorly but allowed to get away with it.

Rosencrantz · 10/12/2013 23:19

I don't think either parent is right here.

I would be horrified if anyone smacked my bum. Absolutely disgusted. That's not fun. It was naughty.

I feel you should be concerned with bringing your sons behaviour up to standard nab being stricter. How she parents her child is none of your business, but if other parents are complaining about how naughty your child is, it's a clue that you are doing something wrong.

Trucmuche · 10/12/2013 23:20

Why on earth would you encourage your son to do such a thing? What your friend does or doesn't do is by the by - but you you need to be having a think.

Wolfiefan · 10/12/2013 23:20

Why are you "friends" with this person? You think she "knocked the spirit" out of her kid and "slags" yours off.
Unless you live with her you don't know the full truth.
I'd leave her to it and focus on your child.

waltermittymissus · 10/12/2013 23:26

Maybe she's too strict but that's terrible behaviour and you need to sort him out!

'Spirited' in my experience is PFB for 'very naughty'!

SavoyCabbage · 10/12/2013 23:26

I suppose to her your dd's behaviour was outrageous, as she parents in the complete opposite way. You think she is incredibly strict. I don't see making them eat all their vegetables or go to bed early as strict, as I do those things.

Or I did when they were a bit younger. They are 7&10 now and they start to go upstairs at 7 and dh puts them to bed finishing at about 7.45 and then they have reading time.

What I am saying is that the gap is big between what you do so the behaviour seems extreme.

Original poster

peppajay · 10/12/2013 23:28

Ah but it is only her that has a problem with my sons behaviour, but she is trying to get everybody else to turn against him as she believes he like her children should basically be seen and not heard!! She has tried it with other people before because her children are feeling hard done by as they are not allowed to do anything so she is trying to get more people to follow her strict regime so her children don't feel left out!!! I am shocked though about the bottom smacking thing and the number of people who are against it - its a 4 yr old having a laugh- if he wasn't encouraged to keep doing it by everyone (except her!!) it would probably have petered out!!!

OP posts:

ARealPickle · 10/12/2013 23:33

I think the bottom smacking is absolutely awful and can't imagine a situation that would be funny. She sounds incredibly strict too though :(

HyvaPaiva · 10/12/2013 23:35

Sorry OP, in my experience, those who says their child 'has spirit' or 'is spirited' are the ones justifying naughtiness. Smacking women's bottoms - and its encouragement - isn't normal and shouldn't be a way in which a 4yr old (or indeed anyone) 'has a laugh'. You write in a way that makes you sound 'matey' with your child. Your friend sounds super strict but you seem to be at the opposite extreme. Neither is good, better balance is needed for both, I think.

Wolfiefan · 10/12/2013 23:35

She sounds odd but if no one else there had a problem with the bum smacking then they sound odd too.

Jiltedjohnsjulie · 10/12/2013 23:36

It doesn't matter who she has spoken to or how she parents her children, you should have stopped him smacking bums, it's just not acceptable.

waltermittymissus · 10/12/2013 23:37

I wonder if they thought it was find of if they were too polite to tell you your brat child was being naughty.

Original poster

peppajay · 10/12/2013 23:42

I would certainly have stopped him if random people but I honestly thought was all in good fun, I think he smacked my sisters bottom first then it just escalated from there I never even thought to tell him off as he knows everyone of those people really really well. He would never have gone up to some one he didn't know and if he did well yes - I would have told him off.

OP posts:

Jiltedjohnsjulie · 10/12/2013 23:47

peepa do you still think he was behaving well and you are justified in not taking any action over this?

waltermittymissus · 10/12/2013 23:50

fine or

Illiterate tonight!

heidihole · 10/12/2013 23:56

I expect the people laughing at getting their bums smacked didn't feel able to tell the truth that they found it weird, inappropriate and yes naughty.

I'd prob have gone along with it at the time out of not wanting to make a scene and secretly be thinking what a naughty child you had.

AnAdventureInCakeAndWine · 11/12/2013 00:01

"strutting his stuff on the dance floor" = fun

"smacking the ladies bums" = naughty

Or at least, if he was being strongly encouraged to do it, maybe not naughty exactly. But definitely inappropriate.

In what way are the two of you friends? You don't appear to have anything in common or to like each other much.

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