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Parenting

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Original poster

Fun or naughty!!!

66 replies

peppajay · 10/12/2013 22:58

I have a friend who in my opinion is too strict. She has a no tv in the week rule, both kids have to be in bed by 630pm and are not allowed up until 7am, every single vegetable at dinner time has to be eaten and the whole plate - dinner starts at 430 so that gives the kids one and half hours to eat!!!! Her eldest child has had the spirit knocked out of her this year but her mums constant competition to be the strictest mother in town, they are constantly being nagged at and you never see them allowed to laugh- as this is frowned upon and seen as bad behaviour. Anyway to cut a long story short I have a son who I would say has spirit and can sometimes go to far but generally likes having fun but she sees fun as naughty. At a friends 40th at the weekend he was loving strutting his stuff on the dance floor and smacking the ladies bums, all the other ladies thought this was funny and were really getting him in the mood and encouraging him - she was absolutely mortified that I didn't take him home instantly for bad behavior!!! Apparently she was talking to another mum today at school about him and saying I encourage him to be naughty by not stopping him when his behavior is out of order and she feels sorry for my other friend having her son in my sons class as my son is going to lead her son astray and if her son and my son were in the same class she would be complaining!!! I feel shocked that she said these things about my child to another mother(I know she doesn't like him) and the other mums think he is fine and is just a boy that likes to have fun. So what is the difference between fun and spirited and downright naughty!!!

OP posts:

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AnAdventureInCakeAndWine · 13/12/2013 21:14

Pretty sure I didn't say "all boys who tap bums at 4; without being reprimanded, turn into sexual predators" please correct me if I am wrong??

MrsUptight · 13/12/2013 21:18

MCorre the world turned "so blinking serious" when women's and girl's bodies began to garner some fucking respect that's when! And thank GOD for that.

What if a little girl went around tapping MEN on THEIR arses! Would that be encouraged and thought fun? No. It would be seen as odd and dodgy.

matana · 14/12/2013 07:58

I don't think the issue is gender though is it? At that age a 4 yo is just as likely to smack his uncle's bum as his auntie's. I agree that providing they are close family who are encouraging the game and not pissed off then there's no harm. I really get that behaviour others find unacceptable due to personal boundaries should be discouraged. I see that. But on the face of it I'll take this as it seems - a silly game the adults are ok with.

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curlew · 14/12/2013 08:05

"Spirited"

Hmm. Real red flag word, that!

WaitingForPeterWimsey · 14/12/2013 08:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mishmashofstyles · 14/12/2013 08:09

Sometimes my DD has done something inappropriate that others have laughed at and would have perhaps encouraged if I hadn't stepped in to stop her.
Smacking people on the bottom is a stupid thing to make into a game. Your son is at school, you do not want him to decide to smack his headteacher on the bum tomorrow because it is in his mind as just a fun game. Or the woman behind the till at Asda.
Sheesh, think ahead!

MrsDavidBowie · 14/12/2013 08:12

I am waiting for the thread saying" I went to a 40th party and this child was randomly smacking us...mother did nothing"

Coconutty · 14/12/2013 08:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsCorre · 14/12/2013 08:25

No need to swear now MrsUptight (appropriate name)! I have used the words in my opinion alot as this is just how I think and feel on this matter, didnt realise this was turning into a battle of wills and slatings! My kids tap my bum (they havent done it to anyone else as they are rather shy and behave differently infront of others), no individual is going to tell me they are naughty kids doing something perverse ,as alot of posters seem to be making it sound! I still think everyone is being over the top and that is also my opinion, obviously like my parenting it is seen as wrong so that figures?! It was a game the family members joined in with (even for the simplest of minded individual if a child is acting naughty you ignore the bahaviour, not encourage them to continue. As there was adult participation and encouragement i see there being no issues?). Obviously if someone looked/ felt uncomfortable maybe the game should have stopped but in the given circumstances it doesnt seem like any harm was done? In all honesty i sometimes think making things like that taboo and "naughty" have a worse affect, lets face it by the time they are 10 i can imagine this game would have become a little boring and baby-ish anyway rather than them going round feeling everyone up :0S

matana · 14/12/2013 08:28

Children play kiss chase too - a playground game that's older than I am. But it doesn't mean they'll still be doing it at 40. At some point they outgrow it and pick up on social norms. Geez lighten up, he's 4 not 14!

MrsCorre · 14/12/2013 08:35

Matana- my point exactly. Thankyou [ fgrin]

curlew · 14/12/2013 08:40

It's nothing to do with him being an abuser- that's just silly.

Everything to do with him being a pain in the neck and not being gently restrained from behaviour which could easily become annoying.

Nothing worse than a child who doesn't know, or isn't told, when to stop.

The other mother sounds over strict, though.

curlew · 14/12/2013 08:42

Oh, and yes they do "pick up on social norms"

But they also sometimes need to be taught them. You can wait a very long time for it to happen naturally!

MrsUptight · 14/12/2013 09:05

MrsCorre if you can't take a swear word or two then it's possible you're on the wrong site. Have you read the whole thread? It's already been established that a lot of us have DC who will tap us on the bum...that's normal.

What ISN'T normal is to allow children to have no respect for other people's bodies and to allow them to run around acting like they own everyone...or at least the right to them.

People's lower regions are PRIVATE and that's something we teach our DC (and they're taught at school) for good reason. It's ultimately to protect the children themselves.....thought nobody is calling the boy a sex pest, this type of behaviour will only get worse if it's allowed.

MrsCorre · 14/12/2013 09:18

Its immediate family and not random strangers. You parent your children in your effing and blinding mannor with all your self-righteousness, and i will parent mine how i see right.

Oh and from observation you are the only one on here ranting while everyone else is giving a opinion (which i am more than happy to accept people think and parent different to me) I just dont understand when people TELL other people the rights and wrongs of mothering like there way is the only way and anyone else who does it different is insane and reering feral youths! Judging from your comments and use of language it is you that is on the wrong sight. This is a place of support/advice etc not for foul mouthed rants, am i wrong??

MrsUptight · 14/12/2013 20:10

MrsCorre what a lot of tosh. I speak on here in an adult specific way....I don't swear at my DC...BUT even if I DID it would be better than allowing them to slap the arses of women they're not related to!

You say "immediate family" but the OP was at a friend's party...her 40th...that would NOT be full of only family but many who had no idea who the rude, pushy child was...and that's not on. This is a great example of parenting at it's worst...where the deluded Mother thinks everyone else is charmed by her kid's awful manners.

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