sooooooooo sad dont know what to do

[dmo]

my son is 10 (june b/day)
his friend is 12 but friend has 7 siblings oldest one is 24 he is the youngest
my 10 yr old is oldest i have one more son who is 8 (9 in aug)
oh god i've started to cry already
my son came home from his friends yesterday and gave younger son a web site to look at saying it has cool games on, i was in the room at the time i'm a childminder
so my son and two mindees put website in and it appeared it was a porn site
the image on the pc was sick it showed 3 old men together
the mindees are 8 and 7 yr old
i feel sick and upset at mo
screamed at my 10 yr old phoned my mum she took him away, had to tell mindees mums what had happend etc.
at the mo i dont want to see my son i know he will have to come home tomo as mum is at work and he is at school
my hubby is taking day off on mon to take son to docs (we think he needs to c somebody)
wed night me and hubby went out (first time since new years eve) my sister babysat with her boyfriend, all was well till bedtime then younger son turned off ps2 as it was bedtime 10yr old had not saved game so chased younger son and hit him lots on the head/face, sisters b/friend split them up and 10yr old went in kitchen and got a knife on sisters b/friend.
what do i do? feel like i have lost a son, i'm am upset and greiving please help

hi dmo. sorry to hear you are having a bad time with your ds. not sure if it will make you feel any better or not but lemon party is actually a gay site, mainly for dating. it just has links to other sites including porn that have men in. in my mind i would imagine that he and his mate thought that gay site was funny and then your younger ds when confronted with the home page just clicked on the links. ( used to have alot of gay mates and thought i recognised the name, so went and checked it out to see if it was the same, and on the home page it is filled with links and not clear at all it is a gay dating site.) sadly however i have no advice with the violent outbursts, but you are there and being supportive with your h and mum and im sure he will come out the other side a well adjusted lad and then all you have to do is worry about all the girls he will be bringing home!!!
hope you managed a nice chat with him.

thanks once again for all your support
hubby picked son up yesterday and went to park for a chat (were there bout 3 hrs)
have not talked to him myself yet still upset but went into school this morning to talk to class teacher who was lovely
got him in docs at 3.30 so will let you know how it goes
will try and chat with him tonight we need to talk

Oh dmo, how terrible for you but please please remember that your ds is a child victim in this not a perpetrator. He is only 10 and somebody has exposed him to porn which is horrifying and shocking for you. I do understand that you are finding it hard to talk to him but he needs to know desperately that you are there for him because he's probably in absolute turmoil himself.

Read a quote yesterday along the lines of 'When they are at their worst is when our children need us the most.' Isn't that just the truth?

Tbh, I think the violence is the important thing here, not the porn, as unpleasant as that is. Deal with the violence first. As far as porn goes, a check to see how he got hold of it (bet it was friend's older brothers who were curious) and quick chat about what is/isn't acceptable, and a net nanny programme on the computer would be my approach.

And he needs to know you love him, btw - imagine how frightening it must be, being screamed at by your parents and thrown out of the house.

And another thing, you need to reassure him that he can always talk to you if he comes across anything like that again without all hell breaking loose - you don't want him never to talk to you about sex ever again, do you?

BTW - I can see where a certain misunderstanding may have occured. If you type in lemonparty to a search engine it does come up with a whole list of internet games, this is where we all used to play games and take those stupid quiz things when I was at college. Somewhere along the line a kids must have actually typed in a url.

Just to show you another side to things maybe? This in no way excuses anyone, esp not the 12yo who showed your son in the first place and especially not his parents reaction!

well hubby took son to docs and the doc was no help at all, said young boys go through patches of voilents etc
said he could speak to someone at school if it helps him but she would not refer to a count just yet.
just shows how kids slip through the net
thinking a paying and going privet what do u lot think?

i dont think private will actually change him in the mimediagte future and he probbly needs someone to talk too with more pyschological interests, if he has a problem, it needs to be located now and moved on from with a plan and the namybe possibly moving him to another school with him on board to do that, otherwise he'll go back to his old haunting ground wherever that it is.
does he have hobbiesm, benefical ones, does he have to earn his pocket money for ps2 games?
is the internet off bounds now? and does he know what he did was wrong or is he flippant about it? does he need something proactive in his recreational tiime? like judo or something to encourage achieving an aim/goal for oneself

hth

internet off bounds still
the boy in queistion is at a high school he will be 12 in aug, my son will be moving to yr 6 in sept
my son goes dancing on sat, cubs on wed so plenty of hobbys
he does get pocket money £1 per week for empting dish washer, recycling and keeping bedroom tidy
he gets other money during the week for dancing, cubs, trips, meals out etc
and a treat on a friday (sweets etc)