sooooooooo sad dont know what to do

[dmo]

my son is 10 (june b/day)
his friend is 12 but friend has 7 siblings oldest one is 24 he is the youngest
my 10 yr old is oldest i have one more son who is 8 (9 in aug)
oh god i've started to cry already
my son came home from his friends yesterday and gave younger son a web site to look at saying it has cool games on, i was in the room at the time i'm a childminder
so my son and two mindees put website in and it appeared it was a porn site
the image on the pc was sick it showed 3 old men together
the mindees are 8 and 7 yr old
i feel sick and upset at mo
screamed at my 10 yr old phoned my mum she took him away, had to tell mindees mums what had happend etc.
at the mo i dont want to see my son i know he will have to come home tomo as mum is at work and he is at school
my hubby is taking day off on mon to take son to docs (we think he needs to c somebody)
wed night me and hubby went out (first time since new years eve) my sister babysat with her boyfriend, all was well till bedtime then younger son turned off ps2 as it was bedtime 10yr old had not saved game so chased younger son and hit him lots on the head/face, sisters b/friend split them up and 10yr old went in kitchen and got a knife on sisters b/friend.
what do i do? feel like i have lost a son, i'm am upset and greiving please help

don't know what to say, but didn't want you not to have an answer.

so for you....how awful.

you sound like you did the right thing tho, in phoning your mum, and that you will be taking him to the docs.

Did you ring his friends mum??? do you think it has come from his friend??

virtual hugs tho, if you accept them

I also don't know what to say, but thinking of you.

Is there a member or friend of the family who he respects, maybe someone younger who could talk to him?

Wow this must be really tough for you.
My ds1 is 9 nd i have no idea how i would handle it.
Im assuming there are other problems to be seeing the doc so quickly.
Good luck and hope all works out for you.

oh you poor love. take deep breaths. it may have been a mistake. he may not have understood what it was all about. you have done absolutely the right thing. if you can, talk to him. If not, try and get someone else to talk to him. He is still your son. Has this all come out of the blue? The last bit sounds like he's really angry... Virtual hug from me too...

no other probs but he does have a temp with his brother we want to nip it in the bud now
was very upset friday teatime went to see his friends parents they are very posh live in a big 6 bed house was in tears at their door,
parents were not intrested even when i meantioned the porn so sorry to say this but i took my anger out on them shouting alot saying that i neaver want their son near my house ever ever again

at others parents lack of interest.

i am trying to pretend he didnt know but i think he did, what a low thing to do to the other children.
all my husband keeps saying is inisances lost
we just cant belive it
dont think i can talk to him at the mo thats why hubby off monday
feel so sad for the mindees and my younger son just keep crying
feel as somebody has died

I am so sorry adn appalled that the other parents attitude
Your ds sounds like he is troubled and having huge anger management issues - defitnely wise iudea to get him to see somebosy.
I am so sorry you are going through this, I cannot imagien what it must be like to see your child changing like that.
Hugs huge hugs

It sounds like you're really angry with this 10 year old boy. Why do you think he did this?

and at the other parents attitudes.

I have to say, on the evidence from your own son, maybe you should tell the docs who they are and ask whether they should be investigated. I am not being funny, but like you say, it is innocence(sp?) lost and something is very wrong when kiddies that age are being introduced to porn.....still at their attitude!!!!

and still so for you..

It is certainly worth finding out how they got hold of the porn. If it was given to them by an adult, then it's important that that's found out.

I can understand its hard but please try to talk to your son.He will need your help and support.
Maybe he did,maybe he didn't know but I doubt you want to lose him for good so I think he needs to know you will help him through it.

Yeah I agree about the porn. Where did this 10yr old boy get the URL for a porn site from? This needs to be established. Did they have a long enough look at it to cause lasting damage? (don't jump on me for asking this, I am only wondering how a glance would have this terrible effect on a child, of course they should never see porn but he sounds extremely disturbed so was wondering how long he looked at the image?)

have already thought bout reporting them
not sure why they have done this no answers at the moment but so many questions
internet been taken out of pc now only have internet on my laptop now
dont think i can trust my son with other children at mo
do you think i should tell the head at school?
we have had a chat with ds2 about what he saw and did he have any queistions etc but he said no and that it was just dicussting
site was lemonparty but wouldnt look if i were you

My guess would be he doesn't see the porn the same way an adult would - it's more curiosity 'ooh, look this is really weird'. You do need to track down how he got hold of it in case there is some stupid/dodgy adult involved, but it might well be bored teenagers messing about online - the friend's older brothers, maybe.

I'd be MUCH more worried about the violence, the attack on his brother and the pulling the bread knife on the boyf. That really needs sorting out. Seeing GP an excellent starting point.

not sure how long 30 secs maybe
do you really think no lasting damage will be done to them oh god i hope so there so young.
son has said to my mum he saw it once (dont know how long) but his friend looks all the time
do you thinks its his older siblings still really cross at his parents attude to all this getting madder as i think bout it feel like i should go round again or report them,

maybe its curosity
think i'm still in shock
had a little boy wed night came home from a night out and get this report from sister delt with it thursday night took ps2 and ds off him and was thinking of another punshiment and then the pc thing on friday
think it was too much for me
had to get him far away from me so phoned my mum to take him for the weekend
still very upset, hopefully doc will refer him to talk to someone quick
need my friends support but dont feel i can tell anybody exept you lot

feel for you, but please let your ds know you still love him. He's still so young and will not understand the full implications surely? He sounds scared to me.

dmo

your son sounds very much like my older brother. When he was becoming a teenager he became very angry and aggressive, he would cause huge rows then climb on the roof of the house and threaten to jump off, he also pulled a knife on my parents and a lighter on me, he pulled a knife on a friend when we were on holiday too, he was about 12. things came to a head and he eventually was kicked out at 16.

Now he is 24 and we know where his rage came from...he had been abused when he was 8 years old by another of my brothers. My other brither termed it as experimenting...

what i am trying to say without wanting to upset you, is that i see a lot of similarity in your sons and my brothers behaviour, a lot of abused boys (like my bro) go on to develop an unhealthy interest in all things sexual and try to get others interested...my brother says to try and make it seem normal, to take the horror away.

By the way my brother for all the anger and violence has now turned out a well balanced happily married man...dont give up on your son...take him to the docs, see if there is anything going on beneath the surface, sometimes a situation is not quite as it seems.

hugs

Really feel for you dmo - at least you are reacting in the right way. None of us as parents know what we are going to face in the future but i hope, as you have, would react quickly and try and nip it in the bud. As for the other boy, i wouldn't like to think how he is going to turn out with parents like that.

Take carexxxxxxxxxx

Oh dmo - what an awful time you are having with your DS.

However, you know 10yo is still very young, they don't have the judgement to make the right choices all of the time at that age. This was an unacceptable lapse of judgement on his part, but we all have them from time to time, and 10yo's have many more of them!

Part of the issue with the porn is that, having never been around it before, he will not know that it is socially unacceptable, particularly if the boy he first saw it with uses it fairly openly in his household . As such as a one-off lapse in judgement then it is almost understandable.

The knife pulling incident actually troubles me, way more than the porn does. Most 10yos know that knives and phusical threats as serious as this are a no, no. He is now at the age of criminal responsibility and had your sister's bf wanted to, could have had him charged, and arrested for a criminal act. He has to learn better skills to cope with his anger - much better! I do hope that you can get some help for him from your GP - an anger management course, counselling etc.

It seems to me that your son is at a point in his life where he has the choice to follow a good path or a bad path, you need to get very active (as you have already been) to make sure that as far as it iw within your power he goes down the good path. This may mean stopping all contact with the other boy - I think you are quite right to take this course of action.

I would also talk to his Head and see what their take on all this is. Can they separate the boys at school - different classes perhaps?

I think what you need to do, is get your son back home and talk, talk and talk to him. He must know how serious all this is, how concerned you are, but that you love him unconditionally, and will move mountains to get him the help he needs to see him through. I think mentioning that the knife act was a criminal act and it is only because of his sisters b/f not calling hte police that he is not sitting in a prison cell might just give him an idea of how close to the wind he is sailing! But he must know that you love him - without that I think there is no hope for him!

Good luck

Agree with soapbox, but don't forget to listen to your son too.

thanks guys
happybebe will try to talk to son when he comes home (hubby gone to collect him now) see if he has any problems (hope not)
good idea to tell him how close to prison he has come might shock him a bit
feeling little better had a chat with a freind this morning and my hubby and i have talked of nothing else
hopefully i can talk to him when he comes home not as cross now more worried
will deff talk to head tomo

So sorry dmo

I know this is not the same, but when we were little our cat dies and my mum left it in the shed until dad came home to bury it together. My brother (around 8 at time) had seen this and told me there was a surprise he wanted me to see in shed. Of course I was devestated by the site of our dead pet, but even then I understood he did it as he was scared, confused and sad by what he had seen and needed to share that. Perhaps that is why your ds showed the porn to his brother (especially as you werein room) rather than out of cruelty.

Good luck at Drs hope you get it all sorted out soon.

dmo that's terrible. From what you say, your ds has only very recently changed his behaviour. Has this aggression started up AFTER he saw your reaction to this porn situation? Is he reacting to your disapproval/shock/dismay somehow?

I know you feel dismay and anger but can you try and direct it against the people who allowed him this exposure? Make your child feel loved, accepted, 10 is really still very young. With the children you mind, by showing them what someone else had shown him, he was basically repeating behaviour he'd experienced towards himself -and kids do that.

I MIGHT report the other family because their dc are as much at risk from this exposure to porn as are other visitors to their home. Are they watching violent adult films too maybe? Dps seem very blase about it. I think something is really not above board there but it's hard to judge.