Do you think this is reasonable?

[roisin]

DS1 goes to Beavers on a Tuesday at 5.45 pm. At this time ds2 is in his pyjamas having a bedtime story about to go to bed. When it finishes an hour later ds2 is fast asleep.

Usually dh is here at that time (I know, lucky me), and one of us pops him down, but tonight he is away.

The church hall is only 200 yards up the road, then across a busy road, but there is a pedestrian crossing. DS1 is only 6.5, but he is very sensible/reliable regarding safety issues.

How many of you think I would be forever branded as "terrible mother" if I let him go and come back by himself?

Secur

I believe in fact that (statistically) there are no more child abductions now than in previous years. It's just that our media cover more of them, and in much more graphic detail, which fixes them in our minds.

And, abductions and murders are more frequently carried out by someone known to the victim.

But secur,
I agree entirely, it is everyones choice to take their own risks (within reason).

But we also have a right to our opinions in this country (at least for the moment).

I agree with Easy with regards to the media scaring us and no more abductions occuring than years ago but on the back of that I still think 6.5 years was too young for a child to be out on its own in the dark - if I saw a young child out at that time of night I would either follow it to make sure it was ok or ring the police and say a small child was wandering around in the dark (mind you scare the child and the mother half to death wouldn't it).

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Only just seen this thread. My ds is 8 and he was certainly not ready to do this at 6.5 nor is he ready now.
He does other things on his own but does not cross a busy road on his own. He may have road sense but not all drivers do.
Roads are unpredictable places and adults are killed crossing the road but we are old enoughto make that decision, i would not expect a 6 year old to make a decision that has an effect on his life.
I wouldnt be concerned about abduction though.

If i had seen your ds i would most certainly have questioned him and made sure he got home safetly.
This is not overcautiousness but simply being resposible because parents are responsible for their childs safety not the child.
Of course it makes good sense to teach them road safety but just as my ds has had swimming lessons and can swim 400 metres I stll woulnt let him go swimming without an adult present so nor would i let him cross a road with no one looking out for him and trust in the road drivers to care for him instead.
You did ask for opinions.

I've only just seen this, but wouldn't let him, at 6. It's not worth it. This Furedi stuff is all very well, but I'd rather have a safe child. I was discussing this with a friend the other week. At 12, my mum used to let me roam the streets of London (West End) when I visited her for holidays, on my own. Anything could have happened. I had fun, but only escaped a few scrapes by the skin of my teeth. I almost met a terrible fate - but my point is this. My friend did not have this freedom and was brought up in the country, not knowing London at all. If you were to compare us at the age of 20, 25, 30, etc, our 'street-wise' skills were/are identical. I did not learn anything at 12 that I couldn't have learned perfectly well at 18. It was all a pointless risk.

I suppose what I'm saying is that yes, kids need practice, but if they get it wrong when crossing the road ..... oh, whoops! Better luck next life?

That wasn't aimed at you, Roisin! It's this Furedi guy, he gives me the dry boke.

Not worried about abduction? I don't think I am overprotective, but the thought of it is always at the back of my mind. Do you remember when Sarah Payne was murdered? The campaign for the right to know the whereabouts of paedophiles? I read a newspaper article at the time, which said that there are 200 know paedophiles in the town where I live. 200 KNOWN paedophiles, and how many that are not known? How many are yet to offend, lurking on street corners? And who are they? It could be that bloke who always smiles at me in the post office? Or maybe the grumpy old man who lives a few doors down?

Do you see my point? The risk may be small, but it;s still a risk. The parents of children murdered probably all thought it wouldn't be their child.

How many paedophiles are there in Britain?
Anyone got a reliable statistic?

i dont know if i would trust dd1 when she reaches six to cross a busy road safely. atm she is good at stopping at rds, when she runs ahead she yells back to me 'i'll stop at the road mummy', which is pretty good.
at 6 i was walking around 250metres to primary school with my older sister. then all 4 of us walked together. around 8 we were allowerd to walk to the local shops which meant crossing the main rd outside our house. i remember one of my school friends being kncoked down outside my house as she ran across the rd to see her friend on the other side, which made us very aware of rd safety (she was fine btw). that same rd now is dangerous, more dangerous than it was b4 as cars have got faster, at school picking up time there are cars parked all the way to my parents house (the same diatnce we used to walk from) where there never used to be, which reduces visability on that stretch of rd.

it is true that abductions/killings ahvent really increased in the last 20-30years, but media coverage has. it does scare me to think about it, but at the same time to my knowledge there hasnt been a major incident here in years. that doesnt mean i am relaxed about things, the risks are always there, but u have to weigh up the responsibilities that kids need to leant against the possible risk.

with regard to swimming, again from the time we could swim well (about 8 for me) we used to go swimming on our own, parents would watch from the side lines, but now pools have a child/adult ratio so dd's wouldnt be able to swim on there own with one of us in the water till around 12.

Zebs, I don't think any stats are going to be very reliable, as surely they will only cover people on the sex offenders register, rather than all the 'unknowns' out there.

I also remember a school friend being knocked over on her way to school. Our Mums were friends, and I remember being outraged when the headmaster told everyone in assembly that she had run across the road to see a freind, when it was actually because she was late to school. She was in hospital for a while, but fortunately was fine. She must have been 7 or 8 at the time though.

But who is classe as a paedophile? Just being on the Sex Offenders Register?

i think it is harder for parents now because when i was that age i used to go up and visit my nan she lived three streets up frpm me and on a hill but i never used to think twice about saying to my mum im going up nans because it was safer in a way to walk the streets then because there would be other kids parents outside in the different streets and the trafic wasnt as bad up there as it is now i think the main problem we face as parents now is is it safe to let our kids grow and get there inderpendence or do we live in constant fear that something is going to happen to them and i know its a tough choice to make im lucky mines only six month old so i got a while before i make that decision and we do want them to grow to be inderpendant at what age do we feel its safe enough for them

Droile's post says it all for me - her friend had a cossetted protected childhood but still grew into a street wise adult because as an adult she learnt the 'necessaries' very quickly.

I shall cossett and over protect...and sleep soundly in my bed at night!

I still find ks's statistic that 1 in 200 people die on the road far more scary than any stats about paedophiles.

Purely by chance I got a leaflet yesterday from CAPT - the Child Accident Prevention Trust. It says:

"Make sure older children understand basic safety when walking or riding a bike. Children under 9 should not be expected to cross roads on their own and children under 11 should not be cycling in traffic." (I don't think even Furedi would argue with that.)

"In 2002 almost 200 children were killed in road accidents and 4600 were seriously injured." (I'm glad they put that because usually stats just say "4800 killed or seriously injured" with no distinction.)

21-27 June is Child Safety Week. Visit capt's website for activity check sheets.

THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT. I thenk you.

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Very new to this thread, but ARE YOU ALL MAD??????

Never mind the cars it the nasty people you shoud be worrying about.......
It happens a lot more often than you hear about on the news and scares the living daylights out of me.

I don't think I'll let my kids out till they are 15 !!!!!!!!!!!!!! ha ha ha ....

Surely one would put youngest child to sleep in pushchair, and collect 6year old!!!! Would not ever leave a child at home either. When people take risks like this is when bad things happen.........

roisin, comletely missed this! willc ome back to this later.

My oldest ds played out (a little ) from age 4.5 but at 6.5 I would not have let him walk home from beavers. Not because of stranger danger but because of crossing a busy road. But also - some sick people sadly might be attracted to a little boy alone in uniform (sorry hate to say it). That would worry me too.

Agree it is a good idea to encourage independence, though and will say more later.

back again. I haven't read all this thread so sorry if I am repeating things.

I have a feeling that all clubs have some sort of legal obligation to ensure under 8's at least are collected by a known adult. 8 years seems to be a watershed age. The after school playclubs around here will let children 8 years and over go home alone at 6.00pm if parents have given written permission. However most parents pick up their children.

I know my son's school insist that children are collected by adults from after school activities, like football coaching, right up to the day they leave at 11 years. Our branch of cubs - connected to the church and school - likewise insist on an adult collecting children. I don't know if this is a strictly legal or insurance requirment but I always supposed it was.

If you really feel ok about your son leaving the church hall roisin, could the beaver leader phone you to let you know he is on his way, and can you look out for him as he crosses the road as others have suggested? Still don't know about the busy crossing though. That's where I start to get nervous.

Going off topic a bit. As I see it, walking home alone from a club is slightly different to playing out. If my son plays out, I know exactly what time he left my company and can ask him to clock in at home every half hour, for instance. If I take him to a club, for all I know he might leave the club well before it ends, and so spend a longer time alone.

I am a great believer in letting children play out if your neigbourhood and traffic is safe enough. My son was keen to do so and I believe gained lots from it. Interestingly, from age 7 onwards, his desire to play out has lessened and now I often have to cajole him into getting some fresh air and play out with his friends for half an hour. But this is partly because in his case, he is not that friendly now with the children who play out a lot in our road.

I don't know what the answer is, roisin, in your particular case. I do know how much taking and collecting a child from an activity can cut into your evening routine - my youngest son's routine was disrupted a lot when my oldest was going to three after school activities a week. All those car journeys and waiting around. That was one of the reasons why I cut the activities down to one a week.

Is there no one who would consider taking your son home? As you say, you are the vicer's wife (that must carry some clout ) and you live so near the church hall, lots of parents must travel past your house anyway.

I agree with HMC's last comment.