Do you think this is reasonable?

[roisin]

DS1 goes to Beavers on a Tuesday at 5.45 pm. At this time ds2 is in his pyjamas having a bedtime story about to go to bed. When it finishes an hour later ds2 is fast asleep.

Usually dh is here at that time (I know, lucky me), and one of us pops him down, but tonight he is away.

The church hall is only 200 yards up the road, then across a busy road, but there is a pedestrian crossing. DS1 is only 6.5, but he is very sensible/reliable regarding safety issues.

How many of you think I would be forever branded as "terrible mother" if I let him go and come back by himself?

Speaking as a Guide leader here.(girls 10+ yrs)

I always make sure my girls have someone to take them home before they can leave.
If a parent asked me to see a girl across a main road & home 200 yards away I would be only to happy to take the time to go with them, rather that than having to feel guilty cos of an accident.

I'd ring your beaver leader & ask if on this one occasion she could walk your ds to your door once all the others have gone home safely.

my dh is away this week so I had to take ds to Guides with me (or miss the meeting). to be honest it wasn;t a prob him goin gto bed an hr later than normal - fell straight asleep & didn't wake up in the middle of the night as normal!

let us know wha tyou decide

I have to say as a child of 6, I was getting the bus home from school which was on the other side of Edinburgh, the bus went through Princes Street (main shopping road), and I had to change buses. I went with Mum twice,then she watched me with my knowledge, and was very annoyed on the Friday to find her tailing the bus with my Grandparents in their car!

I have to say that I would probably work up to this, but see no problem with the idea itself. Although my ds1 (4 in March) can cross the road himself, and if we are out for a walk, uses the Green man crossing, making sure that the cars stop before setting foot on the road. Ireally thinkwe are all scared of our own shaddows nowadays.

They say that there are more accidents involving children of secondary school age and cars than before, because children have been protected upto that age, and have no road sense. There I have said my piece, now to duck down really low for return comments

Roisen - yes, I'ver read the Fuerdi book and was very impressed with it; I do think there are an awful lot of paranoid parents around! Can't honestly say whether I'd let a 6 year old cross a road alone (although I agree they SHOULD be able to do so) but I can (and do) leave my 3 year old alone if I need to nip next door for a few minutes - bad parent!!).

Sorry if I'm re-asking or repeating things: is the zebra crossing well lit? Does he have "road sense"? I'd let my son do it (he's just 6), but that's just me and I think each child is different.

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Hi JJ! It's a very well lit pelican crossing, and yes he has got very good road sense. Has never ran across a road, or even stepped into his road in his life. (Wish this good sense would stretch to other areas sometimes ...!)

I wouldnt, my dd is 6 too, and ive had to put my youngest(3) in the buggy to pick up dd1 from school discos etc. I am paranoid mother from hell though and it was only last week she went round to a friends house without me with her.
And then i was worried the other mum would be in a car crash and how would i know if shedd been picked up from the school gates at all..!!

Deegward

When your child is 6, would you allow them to travel across Edinburgh by themselves?

As I say, my DS is 6 and we live in a smallish seaside town, BUT I still cannot imagine sending him into town on a bus alone.

My kids are 18, 16, 14 & 12, so I've been here

At 6 years old I was walking to school alone. I was also crossing the main road alone to go shopping for my mum. (but then again I could buy anything- my friends used to buy cigarettes for their parents- children could buy knives, glue.. whatever!) At 6.5 I was walking to ballet class after school AND responsible for taking a friend with me. At 8 I was bussing across Portsmouth in the dark to an evening ballet class, & walking to Brownies in the dark on my own. We used to go off & play in the woods & alleyways all day & no-one batted an eyelid.

BUT, at 11, my DD's Guide Leader would not let her leave the building until I or DH collected her. We drove her to secondary school, expecting to be the only parents only to find EVERYONE went with mummy!

I didn't let my younger boys out to play in the street until we moved to a cul de sac when they were 6 & 8, & then they weren't allowed to go too far from the house.

We are all more protective, but then the traffic is so much worse than it was when we were young. I could play in the street outside my house alI day when I was a child & not see 1 car. Now even on a quiet cul de sac we get a car whoosh round the corner at least every 5 minutes.

I've read Frank Furedi's book & agreed with some of it (though having met the man I'm not really inclined to go with anything he says!). The way I look at is that OK I'm overprotective but I don't want to be in the position where something happens & I'm left with "if only". It's up to people to make their own decisions but I err on the side of caution.

roisin, I don't know your town & the social set up may be that he will be perfectly safe. For me, here and now, 6 is far too young to go out alone. (& also, I would rather a child came home alone than went out alone- if anything happened on the way it could be hours before you know to raise the alarm. Just a thought )

Slinky, yes I hope I would,if his school was across town, I see nothing wrong in teaching them to be independent. We used to laugh at those still picked up by their parents.

Yes there is more traffic nowadays, but there was more traffic for us than there was for our parents, but they let us learn to be responsible for our actions. I am shocked that my neighbours across the road do not allow their 14 and 11 year olds out on their bikes on their own. Again, by that age I was cycling off on day trips with my pals. (yes I would hope by that age my son would be mature enough to do that as well)

Children have to know how dangerous something is, ie talking to strangers, crossing roads, to be able to live and develop. If we all wrap our children in cotton wool, when do they learn? At 16 when they can marry? or 17 when they can drive a car? or 18 when they can vote?

Yes, I agree that your neighbours are being over-cautious not allowing their 11yo and 14yo out alone but I still cannot get my head around letting my 6yo going across town alone.

For one thing, at our school, the teachers will NOT allow the KS1 children out of the school gates unaccompanied by an adult - so even if I wanted DS to walk home alone, he wouldn't be allowed to by the school anyway! Same with DD1 (8yo) although the teachers are not monitoring them leaving school - if they stay late for after-schools club etc, then the teachers are there waiting for adults to collect them and again will not allow them to go alone.

I do expect my children to be walking to school alone at the age of 10 and to be out playing with friends - but I'm still uncomfortable with a 6yo doing the same.

I have to say if I saw a little boy the same age as my DS1 going through town alone - then I would be inclined to approach him and offer help to ensure his safety.

I suppose Slinky, it is what you are used to and what you expect. Where ds's school is there are no buses, and the walk home is about 1 mile along a road which is a dual carriageway off a junction of the M25. So at 6 my ds will not be walking home, even for me that would be plain daft.

I would however expect him to come out of school, and meet me at the carpark. Safe with independence.

I think the situation in Edinburgh was, and I think still is, accepted that children come home from school on the bus. You are on the bus with your school pals, and are really only on your own for the last part of your journey.

Aaaaah - I've got you now

None of the primary schools in this area run a school-bus system - so while you're talking about a school-bus, I'm thinking you would be walking from school to a bus park, catching buses on your own etc etc - this was what was confusing me LOL - my DS1 wouldn't have a clue what bus to get

So in that context, I wouldn't have a problem with DS1 catching a bus alone then I would probably collect at his drop-off point.

No no Slinky, not school buses! You stood at the bus stop, opposite the school, waited for the right number to come along, stuck your hand out, and bingo on you went. (although if the bus was busy and it was "upstairs only" I had to wait for the next one.

You then had to ring the bell at the right time to get off the bus!

Mum did meet at the bus stop, to begin with, but after that I jsut walked around the corner to the house. Did I mention, I also had to carry money for my fare home until I got a bus pass Pass back to you Slinky

Just to let you know:

Yes, I did give him the option to go and come back on his own. He was delighted and set off quite happily (with his torch in his bag)

Yes, did get branded as "terrible mother" - one of the helpers clearly thought I was irresponsible; told ds1 that he might not be safe, and brought him home in her car.

But I am glad I posted: It reminded me how important these things are to me, and how ds1 is now old enough to have some more freedom and responsibility. I think I'll ask him to go and buy the paper for me on Saturday But I won't tell you how many roads he has to cross to do it!

The helper probably didnt want it on her concience if anything had happened to your little boy.
I remember my first responsible trip out on my own to the shop for the paper, i got chased after by a load of rough kids and ran into the shop crying as i really still wanted to get the newspaper for my mum as she had made such a big deal of me going all by myself.
I then had to leave the shop knowing these bullying B*tards were out there and had to run all the way home with them chasing me. I lost the change from the pound coin and didnt stop crying for hours.
Remember it clear as day. Bet my mum does too!

Oh god, charliecat, ffs, I don't think that's going to happen here.

Just saying!!!!!!!!

I'm glad to hear somebody brought him home safely but amazed you took the risk. Have a look at this - road safety info site which does say children have difficulty judging speed and distance until they are 8. Why would you want to take this risk with your child? I agree that it is great to give them independence but you can do that without putting them in danger.

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I missed this but it's another (belated) no. My ds1 is seven in March and I haven't yet let him go out alone, and don't think I will any time soon. I certainly wouldn't let him set foot outside the house alone after dark, and I wouldn't let him cross a road (even with a pedestrian crossing) on his own. Am I neurotic? Don't know and I don't care. I just couldn't do it. I know he'd probably be fine (as your son was roisin) but I just couldn't take that risk that he might not be. Were you worried about him, roisin - did you know he'd got there OK or did you sit and wonder for an hour? Not having a dig - genuinely interested (I would have been a gibbering wreck).

No, I didn't really worry at all - thought I would esp. as dh was away - but I was far too busy. I didn't 'know he'd got there' - but I didn't fret about it. It just wasn't logical to me that anything could have happened on the way. Worried more when he first went out to play on his scooter, or when he first went to the letter box!

I don't understand everyone's concern about the road safety thing. To use a pelican crossing all you need to do is check the cars are stationary - you don't need to be able to judge speed and distance.

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I am glad he is safe but echo all that twiglett said, it's not just your little boy's road sense that i would worry about!