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Original poster

Do you think this is reasonable?

134 replies

roisin · 24/02/2004 13:25

DS1 goes to Beavers on a Tuesday at 5.45 pm. At this time ds2 is in his pyjamas having a bedtime story about to go to bed. When it finishes an hour later ds2 is fast asleep.

Usually dh is here at that time (I know, lucky me), and one of us pops him down, but tonight he is away.

The church hall is only 200 yards up the road, then across a busy road, but there is a pedestrian crossing. DS1 is only 6.5, but he is very sensible/reliable regarding safety issues.

How many of you think I would be forever branded as "terrible mother" if I let him go and come back by himself?

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roisin · 24/02/2004 22:09

  1. Road safety. I think the key thing here he has been walking on pavements and crossing roads a lot with me since he was 2 (I don't drive) and I have been talking to him about road safety all that time. He is very "road savvy". He knows what to do at a pedestrian crossing, where to stand, where to look, what to check for, what to do in certain circumstances. He is very sensible in this regard. I know kids can get excited and distracted, but he has never ever stepped off a pavement let alone run into a road - it's just not in his nature. (Unlike ds2 who is a completely different creature).

  2. He knows not to walk right next to the kerb. The street he walks along is very wide: tends to have cars parked on both sides, but still space for two lanes of traffic in the middle. It's also very quiet. So practically zero risk of that one. (On to the busier road near the crossing their are safety barriers up.) Anyway, if there is a reckless driver mounting the pavement being accompanied by an adult is not going to make him any safer.

  3. Soham was tragic, absolutely horrific what happened to those girls, but it is still extremely rare. And I will not live my life, and constrict my children's lives by fear of something that is statistically and logically extremely unlikely.

OP posts:
stupidgirl · 24/02/2004 22:23

I wouldn't have done it either. My ds is 5.5. I would not contemplate for one second letting him go out on his own - let alone with a road to cross. No way.

Easy · 24/02/2004 23:15

Roisin,
I'm really glad he went. Fancy the helper actually DRIVING him back !!

Twiglett, do you really envisage a child molester on every street? You can't live your life with that sort of fear. Otherwise none of us will ever go out again, and the streets WILL become unuseable, only populated by theives and vagabonds.

Get a life.

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stupidgirl · 24/02/2004 23:40

That's a bit rough Easy. Is it really so unreasonable to worry for the safety of your children????

Angeliz · 25/02/2004 00:06

totally baffled too by your attitude Easy, don't we all worry about those things? Doesn't mean they rule our lives!

suedonim · 25/02/2004 00:18

Twiglett, your post kind of hit me in the guts, the no1 scenario. Dh's 10yo brother was killed on his first solo trip to see his grandparents. Granted, he had to get a bus, so he wasn't just walking, but he was so thrilled at seeing granny that he ran across the road, straight under a bus coming in the opposite direction.

It was many years ago but dh (who was 5yo) still has a vivid memory of his brother' red dressing gown lying on the bed and thinking he'd never wear it again. I worry a lot about the roads, get quite twisted up in it all, at times, and am almost in tears here.

marthamoo · 25/02/2004 00:23

suedonim, that is so sad, just awful

mears · 25/02/2004 00:39

All children at our primary school (up to age 11) must be collected by an adult when there is an evening disco. There is no way that I would let a child go without someone collecting them because you just don't know what might happen. It is too big a responsibilty to put onto someone else. Fair enough about the ability of child getting there OK, but it is too much responsibilty for helpers to let a 6 year old leave on their own.

ScummyMummy · 25/02/2004 00:55

How awful, Sue.

roisin- difficult to say as mine are only 4 but I think I would be wary about them being out alone after dark at 6.5. But having said that, I think you're right to be thinking about your boy's independence and letting him do what he can and clearly he was fine, so I don't think you're a terrible mother. I would consider letting mine walk to school alone at 7ish I think, if they showed me they were safe on the main road.

twiglett · 25/02/2004 08:42

message withdrawn

twiglett · 25/02/2004 08:44

message withdrawn

suedonim · 25/02/2004 09:12

No, no, Twiglett, don't apologise. It's no bad thing for me to be reminded that I can get too blase about life at times.

handlemecarefully · 25/02/2004 09:48

Twiglett,

Couldn't agree more

WSM · 25/02/2004 09:53

I'm in the 'no way' camp. I feel that 6.5 is just too young. I think my 'threshold' for this situation would be 8 or 9 years old. Would rather be an 'over-worrier' than have something horrid happen to my child.

Easy · 25/02/2004 09:58

Look, sorry
The term "Get a life" wasn't a personal attack, it was just meant to say Please get these things into perspective.

Things like the Soham tragedy are dreadful, but the chances of something like that happening again to anyone's child are miniscule. Much MUCH less than getting the jackpot on the lottery (and how many jackpot winners do you know?)

I just feel that so many of us allow the media to colour our judgement, and put the dangers of the world out of perspective, so we stop ourselves and our families enjoying the pleasures of life because of it.

Do you go swimming? It's dangerous (even in the controlled environment of the swimming pool), but you still do it don't you? You judge that danger to be small, so it's worth the risk for the pleasure or health giving properties it provides.

Well the risk of Roisin's ds being abducted (point 3 in your post) on his 200 yard walk are much much much less than of you being injured or drowned in the swimming pool.

So turn on me if you must, but please try to be rational about what befalls the average person in the average street

WSM · 25/02/2004 10:00

Easy was VERY unfair to twigglett with that bizarre 'get a life' comment. Twigglett is concerned for the safety of her kids, its natural and, for one, don;t think she'd be taking that concern too far by refusing to allow a 6/7 year old child to walk alone in the dark, whatever the distance.

If I were you Easy, I'd be more ashamed of my attitude towards others than a ten year olds ability to cross a road unaided.

WSM · 25/02/2004 10:01

Posts crossed.

koonelly · 25/02/2004 10:24

Sorry to cut in late, but roisin, surely just by starting this post you had doubts about your decision! You were looking for some confirmation. I have 3 chilren all over your ds age and yes you have to keep things in perpective but i feel a child a 6.5 is too vulnerable and innocent to the world to take such an unneccessary risk. I would ask for help from a leader or another mum.

jac34 · 25/02/2004 10:32

It's all very well to say there is a pedestrian crossing on the road,but last summer I was crossing at one with my DS's, they waited for the "green man" to come on and then went to cross, one of my DS's had walked onto the crossing ,when a car sped straight across, I grabed his t-shirt and yanked him back, other wise he would have been run over !!!!

handlemecarefully · 25/02/2004 10:40

Jac34

There was a thread on this a little while ago, about a car attempting to stop at a pedestrian crossing but skidding a car length onto it due to a slippery road surface (it had been raining)...it just goes to show!

Bogwoppit · 25/02/2004 11:06

Easy - I guess the helper only DROVE him back because she was going to continue on home afterwards.

I live 5 miles from where i run a Guide unit so to me it would make sense to DRIVE any girl home, however close, so I could just continue home rather than having to walk over the road & back again.
Lazy - maybe, logistical - probably.

& I would imagine she did it to ease her conscience. How woul dshe have felt if she heard the next day that something had happened. Then the Scout organisation would have got a bad name for letting him go home alone.

Bozza · 25/02/2004 11:27

I see Easy's point though. I would be MUCH more worried about an accident than an abduction which I think is also Roisin's stance (she mentions greater fear of fire than abduction). Unfortunately lots of road accidents do happen while abductions are incredibly rare.

Personally I would have been a "no" for the accident risk I think. Although DS is 3 and fairly sensible on roads so can't be sure. The dark factor would have bothered me.

I think that we have become a paranoid and over-protective society.

katierocket · 25/02/2004 11:35

just to add my thoughts
when DP was 7, he was run over and spent 8 months in hospital (nearly died)
He had a lot of road sense (according to MIL).

What happened is that he waited for all cars to pass, stepped out into road when suddenly a car appeared from nowhere and knocked him down. Now, whether this could have been avoided if an adult was with him will never be known but the fact remains that a young child DOES have less road sense than an adult.

secur · 25/02/2004 11:40

Message withdrawn

Easy · 25/02/2004 11:47

Bozza,

My point entirely. I do feel that we have become a very over-protective society, and it worries me that our children learn to take responsibility far too late in some cases. If we never trust them to cross the road on their own, then they'll never learn to do it. Now 6.5 may be too young (I think it depends on the road), but I do think that the average 10 year-old should be able to cross all but the busiest on his own, particularly with a zebra-crossing.
Yes, there is always the chance that a car will fly from nowhere and hit him, but that is an equal chance to hitting an adult who is crossing alone.

I'm not doing down anyone for caring about their child's safety, god knows I worry about ds so much, but I really think many children are protected to the point where they can't make a decision for themselves, because they are so used to having someone else to do it for them.