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Parenting

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Original poster

Do you think this is reasonable?

134 replies

roisin · 24/02/2004 13:25

DS1 goes to Beavers on a Tuesday at 5.45 pm. At this time ds2 is in his pyjamas having a bedtime story about to go to bed. When it finishes an hour later ds2 is fast asleep.

Usually dh is here at that time (I know, lucky me), and one of us pops him down, but tonight he is away.

The church hall is only 200 yards up the road, then across a busy road, but there is a pedestrian crossing. DS1 is only 6.5, but he is very sensible/reliable regarding safety issues.

How many of you think I would be forever branded as "terrible mother" if I let him go and come back by himself?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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secur · 24/02/2004 14:16

Message withdrawn

handlemecarefully · 24/02/2004 14:18

I'm probably not qualified to comment with my oldest being a tender 19 months old, but referring to my own childhood, even at the age of 8 I obviously lacked judgement, because I remember running across a road and a driver doing an emergency stop for me...

I was actually with my mum at the time but had run on a bit ahead of her for some reason. She was livid

aloha · 24/02/2004 14:19

Not in the dark for certain. I agree, I'd feel happier taking the baby with me, wrapped up and in his pyjamas and then decant him into bed when you get home.
I walked to and from school at six, I think, with other children. But I now live in SE London, and think not. My stepdaughter is 12 but timid about being out alone anyway. At six definitely would not have let her do this, but she would have been to scared anyway. I think eight is a better age. Or at least wait until it is light.

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Blu · 24/02/2004 14:21

I do know that I wouldn't take up Trifles suggestion and leave the other one in the house!

marialuisa · 24/02/2004 14:28

Have to say that when i started to read the original post I assumed Roisin would be wanting to leave the baby asleep at home. DH used to do this when DD was a baby and he still doesn't understand why i got upset.

august24 · 24/02/2004 14:30

Back in the USA we live in a very sweet neighborhood with ten children, the oldest of whom is 8. We have a system that if children(starting at about 3) are going to other's house, we phone the other mother when they leave, and she phones when they arrive. This is on a dead end street with houses connected by yards. Could you do something like this with Mobile phones? I think if you have him in your line of vision it is not so terrible, but I would be worried about him crossing the road. Is it possible for you to cross him over and then let him go in a straight line? And then meet him there on the way back?

Easy · 24/02/2004 14:39

Roisin,

I really REALLY want to agree with you, at 6.5 he should be able to do 200 yards and a crossing on his own, and if it was light I'd say no problem, let him do it.

It's the dark thing tho' isn't it? Look, how about you delay ds2's bedtime by 10 minutes, to take ds1 to beavers, then ask the beavers leader if they can pop him back for you, as your dh is out tonight?

Otherwise, isn't there a parishoner who can pop in to sit with ds2 for 5 mins while you go?

As soon as the light evening's come tho do it. Ds1 would be sooooo proud wouldnt he?

Original poster

roisin · 24/02/2004 14:39

Yes, there is NO WAY I would leave the little one in bed on his own. I'm a fairly logical person and there is far more danger from fire than stranger-danger. Personally I think there is very little risk on the road.

For those of you who want a bit more background info (to reassure yourselves that I am completely bonkers). We live in a compact medium-sized town (60,000) Barrow-in-Furness (for those of you who've heard of it). The 'busy road' is not an 8-lane interchange, but would be hard to cross without a pedestrian crossing. There is a big crossroads, with all traffic on a red light, when the 'green man' lights up. So I think it is pretty safe.

We know all our neighbours, and at that time of night there are loads of people around who know us (dropping kids off at Beavers), so I'm confident of his safety.

OP posts:

Slinky · 24/02/2004 14:42

My DS1 is 6.5 and DD1 is 8 and I wouldn't let either of them do it! DD1 is allowed to cross our road to walk to her friends house (6 houses along on other side) and to the postbox (again 6 houses along other side of road) - and when she does this I still watch her cross the road!!

My 6.5 has NO idea of speed/distance of traffic -and I had always thought the general age is around 8years before they have some idea.

I certainly wouldn't leave baby in the house alone either.

So in your situation (and I always am as DH is never back in time before the end of my kids activities) I would either (and in this order):

a) arrange for another parent to collect
b) disrupt babys routine for one night
c) not send DS to Beavers.

Original poster

roisin · 24/02/2004 14:46

Oh thanks Easy - that is just what I needed, you understand where I'm coming from.

The thing is there are loads of options - we're a friendly lot 'oop north' an there are oodles of people who'd be quite happy to drop him off for me ... but it's about him growing and maturing and taking responsibility, and becoming independent.

Now you all do think I'm mad don't you? As the risk-taking is unnecessary?

Has anyone read Furedi: Paranoid Parenting: Abandon your anxieties and be a good parent ?

OP posts:

Hulababy · 24/02/2004 14:46

Have to agree with the majority here. I think 6yo is too young to go on their own, especially whilst it is dark. I also couldn't leave a younger one in the house on their own either though.

Options:

DS1 misses a Beavers session
DS2 goes to bed later for one night
Can no one else take him/collect him on their way?

Janh · 24/02/2004 14:49

Another no here, roisin - sorry! (And my youngest is 10 so it's not that I haven't been there.)

If it wasn't going to be dark, and there wasn't a major road involved, I might consider it, but as it is I would go with one of Slinky's 3 alternatives.

miggy · 24/02/2004 14:56

Another no vote-sorry. But I probably am mrs paranoid. I wouldnt let my 10yr old do it, just in case he was thinking about something more exciting like warhammer, just as he got to the crossing. I wouldnt let my 61/2yr old ds either, but we live in the country and they arent used to crossing roads. I even make him hold my hand walking across carparks/along pavements. (sorry-did say I was paranoid!).
Agree with others though that we all used to do it, certainly I walked much furthur than that to school at 8 with my 5 yr old brother alone. We should give our children more freedom but its Sooo hard isnt it.
Cant you all go then find someone there to drop him back for you-sorry, sure youve thought of that.

Easy · 24/02/2004 15:07

I have to say that I think you should all think about how you are bringing up your children !!

I would be ashamed to think that a 10 year old can't cross the road on his own, especially with a crossing.

When do you expect a child to start and take resposibility for themselves? By 10 I was going across the road to the shop for my mum, and walking home from school alone (well with my mates), and bear in mind that as a child with a disability I was very shielded.

Is it the media that has us all terrified to let our kids out of our sight? Is this why we have the obesity problems in this world, cos our poor little darlings can't leg it round to play at their friends houses?

dinosaur · 24/02/2004 15:08

This seems to be turning into one of those threads where the original poster asks a question and then gets slightly irate when the replies are not to her/his liking...

Janh · 24/02/2004 15:19

Easy, I don't think anybody on this thread sounds even slightly paranoid, just sensible.

When you let a child take responsibility for things depends on a huge number of factors. Age is only one.

miranda2 · 24/02/2004 15:25

We used to live near London, and though I wasn't allowed out on my own officially I remember escaping and walking to the park with a friend at about this age!! I'd have thought it was fine if you went over the route with him lots. But mine is onlyy 2.5, so I'm not speaking from parenting experience. I'd probably go with leaving the other one for a short time - I did this the other day for the first time ever, felt v.guilty but also exultant!! And discovered my baby monitor reaches most of the way to church - could you have a monitor with you in your bag, turned on, so you'd hear anything on the way?

Janh · 24/02/2004 15:26

ooh, miranda, you're on dangerous ground suggesting that!

Slinky · 24/02/2004 15:28

Easy

In comparison to most of my friends, I am quite "laid-back"!!

My road IS NOT a quiet road - we have fair bit of traffic with speeds of 50mph (even though it's a 30 zone!). My kids of 8 and 6 are not able to predict the speed of a car coming up the road.

With regards to someone else's post talking about kids being distracted - this was demonstrated to me by DD1 during the summer. Staying in France on a campsite, she used to go to the site shop to get basic groceries (my friends here were in uproar by me letting her do that!!). She was gone quite a while so went to look for her. She was distracted by pretty little jewellery bits in another shop. When I said to her "I was getting worried, wondered where you were etc etc". Her reply - "I didn't realise you'd be worried...I was only looking at...x,y,z". Kids are sooo easily distracted at that age, and my 6.5yo would be even worse!

I don't think I'm paranoid in my parenting - just sensible. Although as I say, friends think I'm too laid-back. I'm the only one sending their DD to Brownie Camp!!! The others are too worried about things happening!

Also have to said, OP must have had some doubts herself, otherwise why post the question in the first place - seeking reassurance as it were?

secur · 24/02/2004 15:30

Message withdrawn

marialuisa · 24/02/2004 15:33

Roisin, as there is a crossing I would be less concerned, after all you know how well you've drilled road safety into him. Personally, i would want him to have practice on lighter nights, but if that's not possible, you can only try it and see. Definitely don't think it would be fair to make him miss beavers because of the baby's routine, as far as i can see that would only breed resentmemnt if it happened more than once.

Angeliz · 24/02/2004 15:39

Easy, have to say i don't think i'm "too" paranoid either and it's nothing to do with the media!
I don't need the media to tell me, it's my own common sense!

Slinky · 24/02/2004 15:50

Also another thing that crossed my mind - would the Beavers leader let him go home on his own?

At Brownies, the Brown Owl makes sure the girls are being collected rather than just letting them go.

Just a thought....

Original poster

roisin · 24/02/2004 15:53

Erm... Thank you for all the responses on here. It is very helpful. (And I don't feel even slightly irate dinosaur.) It has definitely helped me clarify my thinking on these issues, and I'm glad I did it - it was a genuine enquiry.

Anyway it's the first time I've started a thread that's generated so much response so quickly

OP posts:

secur · 24/02/2004 16:14

Message withdrawn

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