What do you judge other parents on?

[riab]

Thinking about the recent article - what behaviuors do you judge in other parents and children?

Turnout and confirmation, first and foremost.

Nice shiny coats, good clean eyes and a swinging, active stride.

Plus both testicles fully descended into scrotum.

Oh, sorry, confused this with the Kennel Club judges' forum....

feel ok about egg on toast now

ok what about this - DD once went to school with a jam sandwich in white bread, a bottle of water, 2 choc digestives and a fairy cake

Sounds fine to me! You sound like a great mum

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mamag i've done the same too regarding lunch boxes. I can't stand all this 'you should be shot for not sending dc to school with houmous filled brown pitta bread with sticks of celery' shit.

Oooh Pruni I've noticed that too. Once at the zoo I saw a mother getting all supernanny and going on about boundaries and attention-seeking and the correct approach to take with her son, who looked about 5. But the worst thing was she was saying all this not only in fron of him, but directed at her other kid who was a younger girl! Talk about screwing them up.

I judge parents according to how kindly and gently they interact with their children. Also the degree to which their children are respectful towards their parents.

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Give us an example Pruni!

Go on, just for a laff.

less and less since becoming one and becoming a MNer.

Used to be a judgemetal about bottlefeeders...until I tried and failed to become a breastfeeder...and realised it is hard and bloody hurts at first etc etc, plus the milk in the bottle could be ebm anyway. So for a while felt a bit vulnerable for bottlefeeding and envied all BFers (to extent of deciding they must all be as judgemental of bottles I I used to be...)Then found self in midst of a MN breast vs bottle thread and realised how vulnerable many breastfeeders feel ( what with dumbass DJs suggesting they feed in the toilets!!!)

So...now I go with different strokes for different folks for LOTS of things!!

having said that
don't deliberately school your toddler to say "fuck off"
don't tell your kids they are allergic to something (like chocolate) when actually you just don't want them to eat it
don't wipe your kids to within an inch of their lives every three seconds...

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Actually something that pissed me off was ds1 having to be present for his autism diagnosis (in a room of 8 adults all reading reports fgs). Luckily that no longer happens as he would refuse to stay in the room.

With one baby I was very judgmental. With 3 children, including one severely autistic I daren't judge anyone,- get judged enough myself every time I set foot outside the house. In fact I only really judge middle class competitive mothers, for being extremely dull and having no idea.

i try not to judge.... but

parents who deliberately harm/hit their children

parents who won't let their kids be kids (ie Stop doing that, just grow up, constant wiping and cleaning etc)

parents who use their kids as pawns in their rows

meowmix, I've got a friend who does that to her dd aged 4. She has got a thing about cleanliness and hovers behind her dd with babywipes and tissues constantly wiping her mouth and hands and freaking out about spilt food or messy fingers etc.

As a result her poor dd now has an issue with eating and mealtimes are a battleground for both. Really really sad to see

Parents who don't love their children.

That can be manifested in many ways, but if you don't love your kids, if you put other people or material things before your kids, then I will judge you.

Other than that, I don't care how dirty you are, how poor, how ill-educated, how you feed 'em, if you love them and care for them, that's all that matters.

Neglect, which can be subtle. I know someone who cleans obsessively, dresses her children in designer clothes, but basically neglects them. They have cupboards full of toys they are never allowed to play with in case the house gets untidy (no toys allowed except a small basketful in one small room of the house, where the children are usually locked in to watch tv). The children are very overweight because they are shut into the car or the one room all day. They love going to preschool and school because it is so stimulating for them. I helped her 4yo dd struggle to do a simple jigsaw today. It really upset me.

I have seen some incredibly abusive parenting through my work; but I think the thing that stays with me the most and that I cannot feel wrong to judge - is parents who use and involve their children in an acrimonious break-up. Not only does the child's bedrock, their family, get broken, but their entire relationship with and sense of trust and belief in their absent parent is taken from them too. Kids I've seen in this situation are the saddest, most vulnerable children.

Lots of the aforementioned, plus parents who smoke around their children .

Jimjams I agree, what with Sam's comprehension being so high it can't be good for him (three times this week already- sorry, no four!) to hear us explaining about his violence, shoplifting, learning problems etc can it? MUST be damaging. I do always make a point though of stating teh good stuff

I judge parents who spend far too much tme on MN when they should be parenting .

fredly - what do you (or anyone else) define as crap.

I'm sure I would have looked like a 'bad mum' today on that one!

I was walking down the road, with DS (who looks about 12 months) eating a cheese straw in his pram and holding a bottle with goldeny coloured liquid in it! - bad om, junk food bought cos I can't be bothered to cook plus juice!

Nope, cheese straws bought as a twice a month treat after storygroup because he has a real liking for cheese and because it was 11.30 and he gets tired for his nap then so didn't want to wait unitl we go home and I could heat something up in case he ended up too tired to eat.
'juice' was actually herbal vitamin tonic in water.

Oh yes and I forgot - I've had DS on my lap in the back five times even though there was a carseat next o me? why? because said carseat was covered in vomit! (he gets horribly car sick)

Agree with Sparkle, as a child my DB and I were used by my DM as a bargaining tool and discussed my dad all the time in front of us. Don't get me wrong he was and is a shit, but at 7 it was v bad to have been brought up hearing this all the time. I don't have any relationship with my Dad now, instigated by me and a strange relationship with DM, who introduces herself to my friends as a terrible mother but a great granny - which is true. Am I f**d up as a result - you bet I am.

glassofwine, sorry to hear this - I've seen so many instances of this and it always tugs at my heartstrings!

Parents who scream abuse at their kids
hit their kids as a matter of course

Don't teach their kids right from wrong

Tell their kids to effing behave (2nite in supermarket)

I'll stop now or I'll end up in an argument with someone