What do you judge other parents on?

[riab]

Thinking about the recent article - what behaviuors do you judge in other parents and children?

PK can't stop:

Allow their kids to sit in cars without seatbelts or in the boot of a hatchback

Smoke over their prams/pushchairs

And this may be controversial but have their babies heads shaved and dyed with the England football strip

Oh and earings on tiny tots

OK not PK

parents who set a really shit example for their kids ? not saying thank you when you hold a door open for them at playgroups but waltzing past you as if you were a servant; not saying sorry when they accidentally hurt someone else's child, despite the child crying her little heart out

cars

OK this is a really stupid question - I keep seeing references to people giving their tots sausage rolls in their pushchairs... and I don't get it!!!! I don't live in england so think I have missed an important cultural joke... pretty please can someone explain?! Aside from the obvious of big greasy sausage roll splathered all over toddler and pushchair not being particularly savoury, sorry to be really thick and possibly spoil a joke by explaining!

oh, and I hate it when parents bellow at their kids "Whitney, get 'ere!!" in the middle of Asda. I know you have to turn up the volume sometimes to get their attention but I've seen kids cringe with embarrassment at the sudden attention from everyone in the vicinity (or maybe that's the point!!) and something about the phrase 'get ere' makes me itch. Not really a judgemental thing though, just a personal preference!

And when parents let their kids run amok in shared play areas and expect other mums to stop their precious offspring from maiming other kids either deliberately or otherwise. grrrr.

ah kitbit, you've exposed the wonderful middleclass snobbery element in england!

The reason people go on about sausage rolls in prams is that 'nicely' brought up children don't eat in the street, plus they don't ever eat anything which is pre-made in a low class bakery!

Now an organic muesli bar eaten on a cashmere rug in the park is a totally different thing!

Oh and of course the simply awful parents who call out 'traceeeey' or 'kevin' in the middle of supermarkets- I mean don't they have nannies? or someone to do that shopping for them?

So here's a quesiton - if you saw 2 sets of children and parents.
set one: child is dressed in soft plain dark blue trousers and a striped jumper with clarks brown leather shoes, mum has cords and a cashmere sweater and a discrete silver necklace. They have a quinny Zap pram and you hear mum refer to child as Thomas.

Set two: child in 'camoflague' jeans, branded sports sweatshirt and trainers, mum is wearing jeans trendy fur hooded coat and gold chains. Pram is a double buggy. Chld is refered to as 'our britney'

Both children are eating what look like biscuits and drinking what looks like juice.

How likely are you to assume that set a) are enjoying a nice day out and that its an organic or homemade biscuit as an occaional treat.
set b) are out of the house because the mum can't be arsed to stop in with the kids so drags them everywhere shopping wiht her and the biscuit is just shoved at the child to keep them quiet. !?!?

pmsl riab- spot on. I've never got that not eating in the street thing. That was a school rule, and I didn't understand it then!

I genuinely try not to judge, but there are things that make me cringe.

When I hear parents swearing at their children, remember well when I lived in cardiff getting off a buss and a woman across the road shouting at her screaming tot "you're going straight to bed when we get home, you're a f selfish little bitch". tot couldn't have been older than 3.

If parents want to feed their kids crap food that's their perogative, the only one thing that I do find horrifying is parents who give their under 5's coke. yeah I know, everything in moderation and all that, but all that cafeen ... if I drink too much coke it gives me palpitations, so I shudder to think what it does to a little child. last year was at party at my mum's, and cousin's gf gave her 3-year-old a half pint glass of coke - this was at 7:00 in the evening. Well up to her I guess, but later my mum had some chocolates and she offered the kids one, and cousin's gf said ... "oh no he can't have those, they've got nuts in". I asked if he had a nut alergy to which she replied "oh no, I just don't think children should be exposed to nuts till they're at least five". I was struck by that.

i was at a carboot sale last sunday this boy was holding his dads hand&mustve said someything wrong his dad wacked him across the back of the legs about 5 times&then carried on walking(the boy still holding his hand)and he mustve been terrified as he didnt even cry,not a murmor,to make it even worse an old couple shouted out good for you sir,the poor boy,also
parents who swear at there kids is imo awfull
parents who leave the older child eg3-4 year old in charge of the baby/toddler i could go on

We're allowed to judge?

I had no idea.

I'll get back to you.

scooby Had it have been a single slap I'd have said a regrettable (imo) discipline choice, but withion realms of parental choice; anything above that (eg 5 slaps!!!- poor mite) is way OT.

I have no truck with the sausage roll in buggy thing, but mine are just as likely to be found eating a bag of dried fruit. It varies, likewise the shoes, one has Asda one mothercare leather brown sandals. Lots of reasons.

im with you on the one smack&i do think theres a big difference but imo it was way out of just a smack

Oooh I find myself judged at last! Despite being of the clarks shoes/organic biscuit/cashmere lentil-weaving persuasion... I didn't know it was considered less desirable to be out with your kids all day instead of staying in at home. I take DS out all day, every day on non-nursery days - it's so much easier, he's constantly entertained (even when just shopping) and gets tired out. At home he gets stroppy. Genuinely asking here - are you meant to stay in with kids, and why?

I'm actually quite proud of myself that I don't tend to judge people for their day to day parenting choices. By that I mean things like feeding, food, clothes and discipline (unless affecting others). I'm actually quite a snob about a lot of things but I've just come to the realisation that parenting is too bloody hard and diverse to expect anyone to get everything right any of the time. As John Lennon said, 'whatever gets you through the night,is alright!'

I don't think you can count neglect or abuse as things we can judge as they are, without question, wrong, immoral and illegal. However, a single, rare smack, especially if done out of sheer terror when a child runs across a road for example is not abuse. Anyone who judges a parent for this is an arse!

However, stepping down from my moral highpoint for a moment, something I do count as neglect is newborn babies in open buggies in this ridiculously hot weather with no hat on! We all know how difficult it can be to keep a hat on a toddler but I've seen at least two babies (under 3mths) in this heat without hats or hair! Poor mites!

I see kids getting hit - especially toddlers who are doing nothing more than acting like toddlers and people smoking and letting it get in their kids/babies faces.

The only things that really bug me are:

children in the car not strapped in (i once saw a 2 seater convertible with a lady in one seat & 2 children in the other).

smoking over children in prams or in the same room as children - my OH's grandad lit a cigarette in the room while my LO & OH's cousin (same age as LO) were in there. I was livid (although didn't feel I could say anything as it was in their house).

I also hate it when children swear or don't say thankyou for gifts.