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On becoming Mary Poppins... Toddler and newborn support thread #2
882 replies
ThePinkNinja · 08/11/2012 09:38
OP posts:
AngelDog ·
26/11/2012 22:58
Whoa, DS goes to sleep anytime between 9pm and 2am, although it isn't really 'bedtime' as it's just when I can get myself together to go to bed - he's asleep for the rest of the evening in the sling.
According to the sleep books I've read*, most babies have a bedtime which is very late at night (often 10pm into the small hours) until about 3 months when a much earlier bedtime naturally develops. Colicky / 'difficult' babies may develop an earlier bedtime at a slightly older age - maybe 4 months.
On the hitting (and similar behaviours), what's worked well for us is redirection. So as well as explaining 'hitting hurts', we take DS's hand and showing himhow to touch gently, or say, "Hitting hurts - but you can hit the ground/wall," etc and encourage them to do the action on something that's less of a problem. Hitting something else has worked best recently as our hitting issues have been about frustration.
*There were many. At least 15. DS was a very difficult sleeper (still isn't great) and I spent most of his first 12 months either reading books about baby sleep or surfing the web about baby sleep. 
AngelDog ·
28/11/2012 19:00
My pleasure, Woah.
The books I found helpful are:
No Cry Sleep Solution (not very good at newborns or if your 3 m.o. just Does Not Sleep, but good at changing sleep associations for 4 months+)
The Wonder Weeks - not about sleep but good for knowing when developmental leaps mess with it. But the website does that for free.
Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child - this is badly organised, poorly written and patronising in tone. I violently disagree with his methods (cry it out with no parental contact for an unlimited time - from 3 months old 
). However, it's really good on naps and gives a good idea of what's the normal range of behaviour.
I also love the sleep advice on the AskMoxie blog, as she gets comments from people across the range of the various parenting approaches and is very non-prescriptive. Her stuff on who cry to release tension vs crying to increase tension www.askmoxie.org/2011/01/tension-increasers.html is really, really helpful.
AngelDog ·
28/11/2012 20:11
crazy, are you all still alive? Happy birthday for yesterday. :)
Anyone else's DH unable to get their baby to sleep? I know it's normal but it's annoying when DS2 needs to go to sleep at the same time as DS1 and I've promised DS1 I'll bf him. Poor DS2 was howling for ages with DH at bedtime.
I made a fantastic discovery today. Sometimes DS2 struggles to go to sleep even in the sling, but if I go on an outside walk he'll generally drop off. It's not always convenient though eg in the middle of giving DS1 lunch. I tried putting on my coat and buttoning it around him like I do when we go out, then bounced indoors. He went off really easily. 
If it works consistently it would help avoid those times when DS2 is wailing while I yell at DS1 because he's not being co-operative enough while I try to wrestle his outdoor clothes on.
chezziejo ·
29/11/2012 09:32
Happy birthday for the other day crazy
Getting quite fed up with ds and his hitting and not tantrums but he's being mardy for lack of a better word and has this fake high pitched cry that is awful. Picking battles carefully like insisting teeth have to be cleaned which he screams about it but can't let that go. Am I cruel? Still going with the reassurance and lots of attention but finding it so hard now when he blanks me like he hates me. baby has a cold and has lost 8oz and is not feeding properly. Falling asleep on boob but have saline drops from dr now so hopefully that will help. Sorry for the moan, on the plus side mil has now arrived from a 5 hr trip and happily hoovering up, bless her.
Hope every one else is surviving and getting on ok.
EarnestDullard ·
30/11/2012 13:24
Sorry I missed your post CrazyHorse; things have been better since that nightmareish morning. Although in my stressed/upsetness I blubbed to DD1, who was crying that she wanted to go to the library, that "maybe one day you'll have a good Mum, but I'm a rubbish Mum so we can't go" 
Awful, awful parenting. So now whenever I tell her off or she thinks I'm upset she says "but you're a good Mummy, you're a good Mummy :( Bless her.
Goldrill you're doing nothing wrong, it really is hard. And I'm lucky to have quite an easy-going DD1 too (as far as the baby goes anyway; we still get the odd terrible-twos-style meltdown). She's 2.9yo and is good at playing independently, which is a real blessing right now. I still find it so difficult at times though; trying to plan anything is a nightmare, getting anywhere takes about 3 times as long as it should. Just getting everyone washed, dressed and fed in the morning is a logistical nightmare, especially when I've been up at least once in the night and I just want to sleeeeeeep.
My only tactic is taking it one day at a time. Sometimes one hour at a time Then the days slide into weeks and eventually it does get easier, little by little.
crazypaving ·
01/12/2012 13:13
Welcome hellobear and goldrill!
chezzie Oh god poor you, I hope DD gets better really quickly and you're ok. You are SO not a failure! Don't beat yourself up, this happens to plenty of babies. Please take heart, she will be fine I'm sure.
EMS sorry but I had to at your DH's suggestion. I suggest you tell him now is not a good time! New baby and him going away? I wouldn't touch that with a bargepole! Sorry if I sound a bit flippant...it is entirely up to you of course...! And you give me hope with tales of your DD2 going down in the evenings a bit earlier. DS2 is 8 weeks now and we're still waiting. Really hope things are better by Christmas, although we're away for 2 nights which will no doubt send everything up the spout... Also waking for 2 feeds usually and sometimes 1. For me this is fab as DS1 was a nightmare at night until over a year, so I'm loving all the sleep!!!
Having a bit of a problem with DS2's feeding. Thinking I should've had his tongue tie (posterior) cut at the beginning after all. He will feed until my let-down starts, and then completely refuse. It's ok at night as he's all sleepy and hunger gets the better of him, but he's only fed ONCE in teh day for the last 3 days 
I'm really worried, and at his 8wk check he'd dropped from 75th to 50th centile. Doctor wants to see us back in 2 weeks and if no improvement she'll refer him to the tongue tie clinic. Damn it, the older they get the more miserable the cut is I imagine. He seems fine in himself at least, apart from the whole feeding refusal. I do have a fire-hydrant let-down, poor lamb.
Also DS2 has pectus excavatum. She doesn't think it's anything more than cosmetic but it still makes me feel a bit Hope it is ok, she's going to let us know when we're back in 2wks. Funny, went to the 8wk check with no concerns, and now look!!
My 3 weeks of hell are OVER!!! Childminder back on Monday!! These have been teh slowest 3 weeks of my life. Ever. And I've had some unbelievable low points (my birthday stands out! - would you believe I actually had to poo with DS2 in the sling and DS1 sitting on my lap? oh the horror, the indignity, and what a birthday...) and a few lovely moments. At the moment DS2 is sporting a lovely mark on his forehead from where DS1 whacked him with a toy When is DS1 going to accept DS2?
Hope everyone else is surviving...
AngelDog ·
01/12/2012 18:46
You poor thing, chezzie - hope your DD gets better soon.
crazy, I'd definitely push for the tongue tie to be sorted. DS2 has had his snipped, and feeding is only just starting to improve 2.5 weeks later. We still have a way to go though.
Nearly 3 y.o. DS1 had his moderate tongue tie and lip tie revised on Thursday. It was pretty traumatic - mainly because I wasn't allowed in the room while they did it, and he's never been left alone with anyone other than DH, me or his grandmothers for even a minute. The follow-up physio has been very distressing for him too - we have to stretch it 3x a day.
He's been needing lots of TLC so everything else is going to rack and ruin. It took 24 hours to empty one potty, and I've still not cleaned where DS2 was sick last night. DH took DS out this morning but DS2 needed feeding, changing and getting to sleep so all I managed was a shower and putting half a load of washing out to dry.
EMS, I think 2 night feeds at 11 weeks is incredible. Mind you, DS1 slept through twice at 3 months, then didn't again till 13 months, and has never regularly slept through at nearly 3 years. Whatever they're doing now, it usually goes to pot in the 4 month sleep regression so it's probably not worth too much effort now. Various sleep books say the number of night feeds usually goes up again as they start going to bed earlier, as they're in bed for longer.
WhoahThereCrazyHorse ·
01/12/2012 19:30
chezzie poor you, I hope dd is on the mend :(
We have had a minor breakthrough in working out that ds goes from fine to overtired in a nanosecond and things rapidly go to pot from that point onwards!! He also roots furiously when tired - I've been thinking he's hungry and trying to get him to feed (sometimes basically forcing a bottle down him ) when in fact a dummy at that point works wonders in calming him down. The result of this has discovery has been 2 days of calm breastfeeding and MUCH less screaming! If only he'd come with a manual.
Question - what are your babies doing between 7ish and whatever time they go down for the night? By that point in the day ds won't settle anywhere but on me really, and after an afternoon or day of slinging him I just want to sit on my arse! Which is exactly what I'm doing now with him asleep on my chest. Does anyone manage this differently?
crazy hooray for the childminder's return!! My days when dd is at nursery are lovely, she's been off all week with a chest infection and I know how you feel!
Angel thanks very much for the recommendations and links - much appreciated.
Keep it up everyone!
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