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Original poster

Putting the telly on when your child has visitors

106 replies

emkana · 21/03/2006 18:53

Took my dd's to the house of my dd1's school friend today for a playdate - the younger sister is also the same age as my dd2.

We hadn't been there 10 mins when the two sisters we were visiting started discussing which DVD they wanted to watch. When they had made their choice the mum promptly put that DVD on.

After that the girls still played with my daughters, but the TV was a distraction and I just didn't understand it why it had to be put on in the first place? IMO it's rude and totally wrong timing, I would always say to my dd's that they could watch something when their visitors are gone, but that with visitors there they should play and not be distracted.

Am I alone in this?

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JonesTheSteam · 21/03/2006 18:56

You're not alone emkana.

I'd find it rude as well.

When people come over, the TV is always turned off, unless DD and friend request that they want to watch a particular DVD / video. (And that has only happened once, anyway)

Spatz · 21/03/2006 18:58

I agree - what's the point of visitors if they watch TV and if they're not watching why is it on?
We occasionally put it on when they get very tired, but always discuss it with the visitors first.
Sometimes we have film shows with our projector and invite friends over specially!

FrannyandZooey · 21/03/2006 18:58

Nope it is rude and crap. We don't watch tv but when I was nannying we had a rule "no tv when guests come round". I find it really off when you visit an adult friend and they have the tv blaring as well - I don't mean if you just drop in unannounced, I mean if you have been invited. You can watch crap when we have left, ffs

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Miaou · 21/03/2006 19:01

No, I'm with you emkana. I really don't understand why kids have telly on "in the background" when they are playing (which is what I think it stems from).

Dd1 had a friend round for a sleepover a few weeks ago (dd1 is 8, her friend is 10), and the friend brought along a dvd to watch (which was fine by us). However, within five minutes of it starting, it was obvious that the friend wanted to have it running whilst playing a game (which involved running in and out of the room). She was astounded when we insisted that either they watched it or it went off! We don't "do" background telly in our house!

morningpaper · 21/03/2006 19:21

RUDE

Last week was at a 'playdate'and the girl had a tantrum immediately when we arrived, saying I WANT A FILM NOOOW! and her mother said "OK you can chose the film darling" and I said "Actually would you mind very much watching after we've gone? Only dd gets a bit fractious if she watches a whole film" (partly true) so said mother turned it off - THANKFULLY

RUDE

Playdates are for PLAYING - I can do crap parenting (telly) in my own time, thanks

hoxtonchick · 21/03/2006 19:22

hate this. have been known to turn the telly off at other people's houses...

cupcakes · 21/03/2006 19:23

I think it is rude too if it dominates the playdate. However, I do put a dvd on for them after tea as a wind down time whilst waiting to be picked up.

harpsichordcarrier · 21/03/2006 19:27

I think it's a class thing, partly. my family would frequently have the tv in the background and it is/they are not being rude in the least. it would signify you were a close friend, like family.
just in case any of you were to drop by....
yes, I have been known to put a dvd on at the end of a long afternoon.

harpsichordcarrier · 21/03/2006 19:31

oh and if someone turned off my tv I would consider that quite rude

niceglasses · 21/03/2006 19:36

Think class thing may be right. My family always had telly on, I frequently put the tv on if the kids are getting ratty at the end of an afternoon even if there are pple there. Would never say it was rude.

serenity · 21/03/2006 19:37

Doesn't bother me tbh. On the rare occasions we have someone over it's usually off, but depending on who we're visiting their's is usually on. I suppose though that I very rarely visit people where I am treated as a 'guest', so they just carry on as usual I have a feeling that the children aren't particularly bothered, it's the parents getting offended here, and it is their playdate after all.

So Emkana you aren't alone, but I think I probably am I am obviously far too lax with my friends - need to lick them into shape!

Enid · 21/03/2006 19:38

its my saviour at the end of a playdate

pins them down too so they don't do that annoying hiding thing when the mum arrives

Enid · 21/03/2006 19:38

but I do turn it off so that dd1 or 2 can say goodbye properly

serenity · 21/03/2006 19:40

english is slowly slipping from my grasp

their's are (although that still sounds wrong)

Chandra · 21/03/2006 19:42

When we met with friends with children, we usually feed the children first, let them play and after 2 or 3 hours we put a video for the children, so we parents can also have a bit of adult conversation/dinner in peace. I would never have said is class thing though, it's just our right to have a life in addition to children.

But I think that a video 10 min after arrival would have put me off somewhat.

Original poster

emkana · 22/03/2006 10:08

I think it's fair enough at the end of a playdate when they are running out of steam, but 10 minutes into it I find a bit too much.

OP posts:

MrsBadger · 22/03/2006 10:13

right first time, Serenity - their [TV] is usually on = theirs is usually on

spidermama · 22/03/2006 10:14

My kids sometimes ask for a dvd when their friends are around and I always say, 'No. You have real people here to play with.'

I think they just like to share their favourite films with their friends though.

spidermama · 22/03/2006 10:15

I've been to grown ups houses to visit and they've had the telly on. Amazing! I feel like I'm interupting their telly if I say anything.

desperatehousewife · 22/03/2006 10:24

wouldn't do it immediately no. But after lunch i would for a bit, whilst food is going down. Or if they had been racing around and we needed to calm things down a bit at the end of the day.

Chandra · 22/03/2006 10:30

Yes that's very rudes, grown ups not switching the telly off when their visits arrive. I had a weird one, I was invited to a party in a house and although a few minutes late I was the first to arrive. Mum opened the door and told me (first thing, I have never met her before) that she allowed her kids to watch TV on Saturday's evening. Fine with me until the woman, who was totally mesmerised at the cartoons, told me: "If you don't mind, I'm trying to to watch this" Obviously I stoped any effort of small chatting. Though she is a weird one, everytime we have a party she spends the time playing with her children and doesn't speak to any adult unless she needs something from the kitchen...

harpsichordcarrier · 22/03/2006 10:45

chandra yes she sounds a little odd

I must confess myself mildly surprised by some of the intolerant attitudes expressed on this thread by people who would never be so dismissive of non uk cultures I'm sure. Having tv on "in the background" for many people is not rude or amazing. it's entirely normal. I do turn the tv off but that is learned behaviour. Growing up in the working class culture it would NEVER have been considered rude. I would consider it rude though to judge people who's cultural norms are different from your own and from what you would expect as "rude" without any further thought.
I fear I may need to parp myself....

harpsichordcarrier · 22/03/2006 10:46

ARGH whose
must preview

spidermama · 22/03/2006 10:47

You need to out yourself Harpsi by the sound of things. Admit it, you have your telly on when visitors are around don't you?

spidermama · 22/03/2006 10:49

I was amazed. It was my sister who had the telly on when I went round to visit her. She sat watching sport and ignoring me despite having invited me round.

I think telly addicts don't realise how odd their behaviour is to non telly addicts. Like smokers don;'t realise they smell.

Not that I'm intolerant or anything.

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