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Original poster

Putting the telly on when your child has visitors

106 replies

emkana · 21/03/2006 18:53

Took my dd's to the house of my dd1's school friend today for a playdate - the younger sister is also the same age as my dd2.

We hadn't been there 10 mins when the two sisters we were visiting started discussing which DVD they wanted to watch. When they had made their choice the mum promptly put that DVD on.

After that the girls still played with my daughters, but the TV was a distraction and I just didn't understand it why it had to be put on in the first place? IMO it's rude and totally wrong timing, I would always say to my dd's that they could watch something when their visitors are gone, but that with visitors there they should play and not be distracted.

Am I alone in this?

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FrannyandZooey · 22/03/2006 17:26

"Awkward silences" - in a house with your family in - LOL!

Isn't it funny how we are all different? I could never imagine feeling awkward about a silence in my own house. It is so peaceful and relaxing when things are quiet.

FrannyandZooey · 22/03/2006 17:27

And I am not convinced we are talking while we are eating

We like our food too much in this house :)

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 22/03/2006 17:29

If it's really quiet (becaue the kids are out/sleeping) I find it more relaxing with a nice bottle of wine and some music - I don't particularly want to sit here and listen to nothing!

If you're outdoors (proper outdoors - not in the garden) it's never "quiet" - there's always the sound of something - birds, wind, water, animals etc etc - unfortunately I find the brick walls of a house tend to drown all 'peaceful' noises from outside and it is unaturally quiet.

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HRHQueenOfQuotes · 22/03/2006 17:31

And I am not convinced we are talking while we are eating

Shocking - a lovely family meal to sit down and talk about your day and 'bond' - and you sit there are eat your gnosh in silence

Blu · 22/03/2006 17:58

"I think it is rude not to consider whether something in your house may make a guest feel uncomfortable, and it's not too much a stretch of the imagination to realise that having the tv on could qualify."

I think many many households and people would consider it bizarre to think of turning off the tv, and may well keep it on, with no intention to be rude or inhospitable at all. In fact I know households like that, in my extended family.

People being rude and people taking offence.....not always the same thing.

tamum · 22/03/2006 18:10

Good post, Blu.

Marina, what a thought

FrannyandZooey · 22/03/2006 18:12

Yes I can see all these points of view.

However I very much dislike being somewhere it is on 'as background', and I know I am not the only one who feels that way. I would find it surprising if people had never come across people like me, so I don't think it is too much to just say "shall I turn it off?"

But it's not a huge deal.

QoQ yes shocking aren't we? However seeing as I spend about...erm...20 hours a day in my son's company I think we are probably bonded enough. Could (and should) certainly talk more to dp though.

Wallace · 22/03/2006 18:16

Haven't read it all, but, Enid, I am delighted to find my kids and their friend's aren't the only ones who do that annoying hiding thing when their mum comes

spidermama · 22/03/2006 18:21

Im with franny here. TV as background drives me mad. Actually most TV drives me mad these days. It's such a load of old crap. If it's on because of dh and the kids, then they turn it off, I breath a huge sigh of relief.

WharfRat · 22/03/2006 18:26

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batters · 22/03/2006 18:28

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tamum · 22/03/2006 18:30

Let's just be glad that they are unlikely to have a joint playdate with your dd and her friend, and their Book of Boobies, batters :o The mind boggles....

Blu · 22/03/2006 18:33

TV as background (anything as background, actually) drives me mad, too. And we certainly don't have the tv on as background for DS, but I know people who will put it on just in case you might want to watch it, or would feel rude turning it off in case you, as a guest, were wanting to watch.

Aaah, the wrestling videos I have watched out of the corner of my eye.....

Blu · 22/03/2006 18:34

I want Marina to come back and tell us how her DS and his friend amuse themselves

Original poster

emkana · 22/03/2006 20:58

at the idea of awkward silences! I just love it when after school it's quiet sometimes, both dd's absorbed in play... hardly ever happens though.

Tbh I'm very strict where the TV is concerned, half an hour a day max and only just before bedtime (at weekends films are sometimes allowed).

So when the TV goes on my dd's become instantly absorbed by it and can't concentrate on playing anymore, and that's what I don't like.

I listen to Radio 2 in the morning and at lunchtime (I love Jeremy Vine!), otherwise I don't have anything on - I find background noise very irritating.

OP posts:

BonyM · 22/03/2006 21:10

Tv always off when visitors are here.

Dd1 sometimes asks if she can watch a programme when she has a friend over for tea but I always refuse. Imo if she a friend over to play then they should play, not watch the box.

I have a very good, long-standing friend who I love to bits but who used to drive me mad, because when our respective children were younger, and we went to her house, the tv was always on, even if no-one was actually watching it.

I find it so rude if people leave the TV on when you are visiting them - I always feel that I don't have their full attention.

spidermama · 22/03/2006 21:28

What is this 'silence' of which you speak. I think I remember it from a time gone by but ... nope, it has gone.

spidermama · 22/03/2006 21:30

I agree bonyM. It's like having another, very rude, person in the same room as you talking away non stop whether or not anyone is listening to them. The same with radio. And don't get me started on sport on the radio.

MrsBadger · 22/03/2006 22:28

Have refrained from posting because I'd only rant, but I thought it was worth adding that DH doesn't hear particularly well and finds it really, really difficult to have a conversation if a television's on.

He's too proud and self-conscious to tell people he's a bit deaf, so has wasted many miserable hours nodding, smiling and catching about 50% of the conversation, even after hints like 'Is anyone watching this?' 'Can I turn it down?' etc.

Strangely enough the worst offender is a woman whose DH is very deaf indeed. Maybe he can't hear it at all. Or maybe it means he can't hear her (evil thought...)

arfissimo · 22/03/2006 23:14

I always turn the tv off when friends are visiting.

My best friends husband always arrives, parks himself in the living room, turns on the tv and starts to watch a film. While he's been invited for dinner!!!! Then he shovels down the food, demands a cappuccino and goes back to watching the film.

And what's even worse is that he's the worst manners snob in the world. Double standards or what!?

spidermama · 23/03/2006 10:35

LOL at franny turning off someone else's TV. I would never dream of doing that. Funnily enough though I wouldn't be offended if someone asked if they could turn off mine. I'd probably feel embarrassed that they'd had to ask.

I'm getting more anti telly the older I get. Sometimes I go for early eveing walks around the neighbourhood with dh and the kids (in warmer weather) and it's shocking to note the old colourful box whittering away in almost all the sitting rooms. Such a waste of life. What would we be doing without it I wonder.

Marina · 23/03/2006 10:36

Oh har de har Blu. Ds' creative writing skills of which dh and I are often very proud have come back to haunt us in the form of an elaborate game involving several classmates sending each other what I can only describe as ransom and blackmail notes. Hilariously spelt but the concept ain't pretty and it took us some time to get to the bottom of it all. The Wheelie Boys again, sigh ("if you dont let me go in gole my bin will et yuors")
Come back Balamory please...
Blu, someone is complaining about a problem with a mouse on another thread. Maybe you could advise...pest elimination and interactive play with school-age children...

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 23/03/2006 15:38

I just love it when after school it's quiet sometimes,

But unless you live in a mudhut/log cabin those silences are not natural silences - all 'natural' sounds are blocked out (especially in winter when you have the windows and doors closed) by the brickwork.

Original poster

emkana · 23/03/2006 18:39

I still don't see why I should replace the natural background noise that I would have outside with the unnatural background noise that TV or radio provide.

If I can't have natural background noise then I'd rather have unnatural silence.

OP posts:

threebob · 23/03/2006 19:12

We go round to a friend with 3 year old twins and a 11 month old. Ds is reallllllllllly good friends with the boy. Her dd has a really good female little friend that comes another day. The other twin always feels left out and so the twin with the friend plays in the bedroom, the other watches a DVD and we sit in the kitchen with the 11 month old. A solution that has no miserable child.

When they come here I never turn on the TV (you have to be sick to get a DVD in the day). So the girl reads books on the sofa instead.

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