Putting the telly on when your child has visitors

[emkana]

Took my dd's to the house of my dd1's school friend today for a playdate - the younger sister is also the same age as my dd2.

We hadn't been there 10 mins when the two sisters we were visiting started discussing which DVD they wanted to watch. When they had made their choice the mum promptly put that DVD on.

After that the girls still played with my daughters, but the TV was a distraction and I just didn't understand it why it had to be put on in the first place? IMO it's rude and totally wrong timing, I would always say to my dd's that they could watch something when their visitors are gone, but that with visitors there they should play and not be distracted.

Am I alone in this?

Hey spidermama - sorry to hijack everyone but - how did the reading go at the wedding?

We occasionally use it for wind-down, but, tbh, it's not usually an issue at our house.
I would agree that sticking a dvd on so soon after arrival, or not turning off the TV when guests arrive, is rude.
Spidermama has something with the social aspect of films and some TV programmes though. It can be really nice to sit down as a group and watch something specific. The extended family all watched Dr Who's Christmas Special and it still forms the basis of conversations (and yawnsome games of course).

we have a rule that we don't have the TV on if we have company but sometimes we put it on as a chill out at the end of a friends session. It doesn't bother me if other people have it on when my DSs visit them - their house, their rules.
And agree with harpsi - if someone turned my telly off without asking, I would find that rude.

We have some lovely pictures of mass end-of-playdate hectic-cheeked exhaustion sitting in a row on the sofa glued to The Snowman (or something equally tranquilising).

It seems to me to just get the rhythm wrong to start with a DVD. But other families have different rhythms, and it isn't the end of the world to see what others' rhythms are like. Is my feeling.

Agree with HC- You many not like the TV on in the background but it can only be a rude thing to do if the person doing it sees it as rude and is doing it knowing that it irritates you - which is clearly not the case in most instances.

In our family (very working class) the TV was always on in the background. I have learned to switch it off (very middle class of me)

However I do find myself leaving it on sometimes even though ds is not watching it - though when I realise it I switch it off.

It really does not bother me if ds watches TV/DVDs (assuming they are reasonably age appropriate) or if it is on as background noise at other people's houses.

I don't feel it is my place to say how others live their lives. If you really don't want your children to play somewhere where TV is on as background noise then maybe don't let them go there again. As for switching someone else's TV off - I'd be really p***d off if someone did that at my home.

Without wishing to up the ante here ... I don't think it's a class thing. I find it intensely irritating to have someone on TV nattering away in the background unless I'm actually listening. I think it's rude to leave the telly on when a guest comes round.

(Mind you I used to have loud music on all the time when guests came round which was pretty rude too.)

My family used to sit round the TV every single evening from after school 'til bedtime and I found it very claustrophobic. It's such a waste of time.

I do think it's habit forming and destructive of brain cells as detailed in \link{http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0091902606/qid=1143032546/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl/202-0565193-3141413\this book}, which I seem to remember upset a few people when it came out at the end of last year.

Juliab ... Great thanks! DD was absolutely terrified, read it really well, and spent the next hour or so basking in her glory. She can't remember much else about the wedding though.

No, you're not alone, I hate the television being on if we have dd's friends over. Only time a dvd goes on is if one of her friends sleeps over.

Even if my best mates etc come round for a drink etc I turn the tele off and put the radio on, but, when I go to one of my best mates, she always keeps the tele on watching things, it is quite annoying sometimes when I am trying to talk and she is watching someone.

I CANNOT stand bad manners and to be honest, if it was up to me I would quite happily sell all the televisions tomorrow.

Radley

Can you explain why it is OK to put the radio on and not the TV? I find the sound of Radio intensely annoying if I can't just sit and listen to it as it distracts me and I also don't like a lot of music that other people listen to so don't like music on in the background either.

I'm not saying having the TV on in the background is a good thing I'm just saying that I personally find music/radio background noise just as irrittaing but wouldn't dream of saying you were rude for having it on if I was visiting.

irritating even

I sometimes find that two 4 year-olds sitting watching Charlie and the Choc Factory, and discussing the working conditions of the oompa-loomaps, and whether they would leave thier families for a choc factory is SO much more polite and civilized than them leaping around shouting poopoohead at each other or dreaming up gruesome deaths for imaginary badies - or even using their new playground skills to terrorise a younger toddler in the house.

As textbook etiquette, having the TV on is a no-no - and I would never do it with adult guests, but if DS's play hosts do, I'm happy enough with that, and for the second half of an after-school play, I think it's more than fine.

Chill!

Lazycow, i like the radio on as a bit of background music, if the television is on then it is easier to get more absorbed in what is happening and get sidetracked.

Also lazycow, forgot to add, I don't even have it loud enough to distinguish songs, its just a background noise.

blu - that sounds like my house!

I think the point is, for those who have the telly on a lot - like my family did as well when growing up, - its not rude. They are not being deliberately rude anyway. You may consider it rude, they don't. They may consider some of the things you do rude, you don't.

Agree that 10 mins in the door is a bit OTT though!

I'm with Blu. I did have a big row with DD1 who wanted the telly on when a friend was round last Friday, but frankly after school, when they're wiped, I'm quite happy to let them crash.

(DD1 has usually asked her guest/s if they want to take their trousers off, as well. Frankly I find this a habit I am keener to curb some time over the next decade.)

God I'm so glad somebody else's small boys say 'Poo head' what is it with them? Poo is the first word my ds1 wrote - he is obssessed.

LOL re trouser-removing etiquette!

Niceglasses, at least it was your son's first written word, it was my son's first word!!!

Do small boys have this drive towards clothes removal?

oh YES YES YES MI ... they certainly do

Yes!

My 4 year old ds has just run past me with no clothes on - delightful!!

I caught ds and his mates filming one of them mooning on his Lego camera if it's any comfort :o

essential for the pre tea-time/end of playdate wind-down...

Ds was never so willing to share his naked beauty with us as dd is, but I know plenty of boy boodists as well. Dd will offer to show people her bottom and fanny, but expects nothing reciprocal. Such a generous little person.
You've put it very succinctly Blu - overhearing two little pals dissect Spongebob or Hardspell Abbey is downright hilarious.

tamum LOLOLOL I have just choked on my apple. Do you think he sees himself as a Dogme member in the making!