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Original poster

I have lots of children but want more...where will this end?

57 replies

blatentlyincognito · 20/03/2006 15:04

I have changed my name but not sure why.
I have lots of children and although its hard and i get stressed its great amnd i love it and of course 'Them'

I just dont feel finished - I am 38 and have done this for a long time now but still would like more. Its what I do?

Anyone feel the same and had these feelings go away? Or will i go on having them until it stops?

Advice welcome!

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Pruni · 20/03/2006 15:06

No advice nor experience but 38 is hardly too old to be having children! How does your dp feel?

hana · 20/03/2006 15:06

does your partner want more children?

ggglimpopo · 20/03/2006 15:09

How many have you got? I have five and am quite happy to stop there....

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Original poster
blatentlyincognito · 20/03/2006 15:11

DP sort of has a resigned tone of 'well we never go on holiday anyway so whats one more!'

I am 38 now but only just had one and need to feel that each child gets their fair chot at being bab as there are so many around!

I have 5....never wanted more but....

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ggglimpopo · 20/03/2006 15:14

BI, I wanted another when number five was tiny. It is only in the last few months that I have lost that broody feeling and I cannot imagine it coming back...

Original poster
blatentlyincognito · 20/03/2006 15:19

ggg that sounds hopeful .I know when you are in that post birth glow you can feel all broody and the world is rose tinted..... i just want to be like normal people and not have a yearning that seems so illogical......

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christie1 · 20/03/2006 15:26

I have 5, am 42 and dh emphatically says no more. No, the feeling never goes away for me, I will just get to old for babies to physically have them or in my case, hubby says no way. If your hubby is willing, go for it! I envy you.

Original poster
blatentlyincognito · 20/03/2006 15:30

Christie - I dont know about that!! I am REALLY proud of my five ( i am incognito so can sound over proud) I am quite strict with them but prople all tell me how lovely they are and i am lucky in that they seem to be academic and doing well at school - but i am a strsser ... I like thngs tidy and wish i could be more chilled. Sometimes i thing=k one more will push dh over the edge as life is busy enough - he is self employed.

BUT ...I dont really have any other raison d'etre ... I just love it and them ....i must be a real bore!

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CadMum · 20/03/2006 15:34

Hello Christie! (1/2 wondered if this might be your thread.)

I agree that if your DH is interested in having more then you should go for it. The best reason to have more must be wanting and loving the children you have. You are certainly not too old to do it all again.

In my case, DD2's pregnancy and labour have put me off the idea but she is only 2 weeks old so I may find myself broody again. DH, on the other hand is already teasing me about #5... Strange because he was far more reluctant about a big family to begin with.

beetroot · 20/03/2006 16:12

how old are your 5?

mum2oneandonemore · 20/03/2006 16:14

Oh i only have 2 always said i would only have 2 & still believe i should only have 2 BUT & yes thats a very big but i still wonder about a 3rd Grin shhhhh don't tell dp Wink

beetroot · 20/03/2006 16:15

I have four and that is plenty. they are older 12 - 6 (well they are not babies) and I live the things we can all do together now that they are no tinies. Cinema, meals out (without a screaming toddler) late nights when they will sleep in in the morning..wodnerful

mum2oneandonemore · 20/03/2006 16:22

Hmmm that sounds great beetroot if only our household was like that...one day a few years down the line it will be Smile

Thats why if we do ever decide to have anymore (well need to talk dp round first) i would like to do it with only a small gap as when i am in my late thirties i do not want any younger children i want that to be mine & dp's life if you know what i mean!

How old are your children blatentlyincognito ?

I would say have another if you really feel your family is not yet complete but maybe make a decsion when your youngest gets a bit older as i am in baby stage at the mo with DD (8 weeks) & they are just so wonderful it still makes you broody!

kelly1978 · 20/03/2006 16:23

I'd like another. I have phases where I feel incredibly broody then it seems to pass. I think it is easy to feel broody when you have a tiny baby, and it does get easier as they get more independant and you start getting a bit of time for yourself back again. Then you might not feel so ready to give that up again by having another.
My dp is dead set against another, and I think the only way he would change his mind is if we won the lottery and could afford a ten bedroom house and full time nanny! I know it's prob not sensible, but if he was resigned like your dp, I'd prob go for it. Grin

Enid · 20/03/2006 16:25

my mum said you feel like that until the menopause

she had four (two after 40!)

FioFio · 20/03/2006 16:30

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Rach69 · 20/03/2006 16:38

I've justed posted about this on the antenatal thread - ie thinking about a 5th (mine are 12, nearly 10, nearly 8 and 8 week baby) as company for the baby. Dp would love it (only the baby is his) but I worry about money (not the cost of having another as that is minimal now but the cost of childcare really). I somehow don't feel finished either but I'm finding everyone else saying 'that's enough now isn't it?' as if it was something bad and not the kind of thing an educated, contraception using woman would consider. I was brought up as the youngest of 4 and went to a catholic school where almost everyone was part of a big family - now it seems that it is somehow unusual or the preserve of 'single mums on benefit'. I'm not sure when attitudes changed?

FioFio · 20/03/2006 16:41

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Original poster
blatentlyincognito · 20/03/2006 18:13

Mine are 13,11,9 then went skinny and had fertility issues....3 and 5 weeks!

I dont pretend to be perfect but i do like having a lot! I have had midwives ask me if its the same father ( It IS and we are not married) and i see people thinking 'different dad' all the time ..it does get my goat!

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jalopy · 20/03/2006 18:29

Just a thought here...not intending to offend. With the possiblity of 6 children do you not feel that you're spreading yourself thinly? I mean, does the oldest get much of your time? Broken nights, constant feeding and nappies obviously haven't put you off Grin but do you not feel overwhelmed by the demands of your older children?
I've got 3. I don't have a very good obstetric history and the last birth was horrific. Had a massive postpartum haemorrhage and baby needed to go to ITU. This banished any broody feelings.I now feel grateful for what I've got and wouldn't want to take any risks again. Sad

Original poster
blatentlyincognito · 20/03/2006 18:35

I get asked this often.

I am sure the kids do get 'less of me' but i am sahm and have given them a lot less of myslf at earlier stages when i had less kids and more hangovers!Grin

However - what they lose from me and dp they gain from one another and i wont be here forever!

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buffythenappyslayer · 20/03/2006 18:37

ive got 5 babies (still think of them as my babies even though eldest is 14!)
we have been trying for another one for a few months.found out a couple of weeks ago that i was pg,then the next night i started bleeding.gp said ive had a natural miscarraige.told us last week to wait a couple of months before trying again,but i want to be pg again now!i cant explain why.i just want another baby so badly.dh said he wont go for vasectomy after we have another as i might want more in another few years time! (im 31 and he thinks i'll be having babies for ever!)ive decided that if we do have another,im going to be sterilised afterwards.i think if i dont get done,then i will just carry on popping them out!dont know why i want more as all my pregnancies have been bad and my last baby (shes 19 months) has cf,so you'd think i wouldnt want to risk having another with cf.
i know how you feel blatentlyincognito,and i cant explain it,but if you feel your not finished yet,then go for it!!

muma3 · 20/03/2006 18:40

i have 3
i had one at 15 obviously not planned. i fell with dd2 and got married. he left due to it not being for him and we are friends due to his honesty.
i met up with my current dp 3 years ago when we were reunited throught friends. we have had a dd3 together and i am set up for life. i cant ever see us not being together.
i know what people must think and i always think you have to meet me to see what im like first. to everyone i know its not a problem and i dont get judged by it .

me and dp would like 1 more to complete our family and even the midwife who delivered my dd3 agreed she could understand why we would like another.(discussed it before we had dd3 ) .

i think that having children can become a part of your whole outlook and you can get lost in this is what you do . i think that while you can have children and you are happy and especially your children are happy then do it .
its your life and you sound like a fab mother. your def not too old if your body says your not Smile i love having children and think that we are all very lucky imo

hope i havent scared people off talking to me or i hope you havent changed your views and now see me in a bad light . Blush

muma3 · 20/03/2006 18:41

dd3 was planned by the way others werent Smile

Original poster
blatentlyincognito · 20/03/2006 18:41

buffy - you started young! I think the only solution for me is for dp to get a vasectomy - i too will just go on and on !

its only natural Wink

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