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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Parenting

Broken hearted over my DS

939 replies

DistressedMumHELP · 29/08/2012 22:09

Okay, i want help and reassurance really. I have name changed for this in case anyone recognises me. I was stopped and asked for an account of events yesterday after witnessing an altercation and the police officer noticed the bruise on my little boys cheek. Which i explained was where he had fallen in between the step and bench in my garden, they then noticed he has bruises on his legs around his knees, so eventually they arrested me on suspicion of ABH. I was of course a mess, but i was told at the time that it was procedure etc, so i was compliant with them, Last night i got released on police bail and was of course expecting my little boy back, but today after seeing social services they have said i cant have him returned to me. I am heart broken, i have never hurt my child on purpose, and i look after him as best as possible. Originally they were saying he didnt talk, but today in front of the social worker he was talking, and i am trying to explain that he gets shy about talking, when they say he is friendly etc. They went through all my history and i have been as open as possible with them, and i dont know what to do. They want to keep him in care and are applying for a court order on friday to do so. I plan on seeing a solicitor tomorrow, the only reason i didnt today was because i didnt leave the social services until half 5 so no where was open.

I NEED A HUG. I PROMISE I WOULD NEVER HURT HIM AND FEEL THAT JUST A FEW BRUISES HAVE TAKEN MY SON FROM ME.

I want him home. Does anyone have any experiences? How long will it take? They said they couldnt say,

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watchoutforthatsnail · 25/09/2012 15:29

I hope you have a clearer idea of what's happening/ whats required of you/ what will happen at tge momment.

How did they say your ds is doing?

Lougle · 25/09/2012 15:57

I hope it went as well as such a difficult thing can. You must be exhausted. I hope they've given you a clear plan for you and your DS?

DistressedMumHELP · 26/09/2012 20:47

I do feel exhausted to be honest, and my throat is swollen too, but onwards we go. He had a medical today and its only his speech he is a but behind in, but he is developed more in other areas, like the physical things, which is what i had already said. Though i know it had to be done legally.

My face to face freedom programme starts next thursday morning, so that is also one more step in the right direction, however it coincides with a parenting programme, but i think that there must be other parenting programmes about rather than just the one that was mentioned where as the freedom programme is of course a one off. It needs doing. So i am going to look at other parenting courses.

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Lougle · 26/09/2012 22:30

Well done.

Do you need to discuss the decision between Freedom and Parenting with your SW/legal bods?

I would think that the freedom programme is important, but my gut instinct is that it would look bad if you turned down a parenting course without a clear booked alternative.

Noqontrol · 26/09/2012 22:49

Agree with Lougle on that. Talk to SW and solicitor about which to choose. Dont make any decisions without their input as it won't help your case. Hope you are ok.

DistressedMumHELP · 27/09/2012 10:27

I was looking to see if other sure start centres done the same course at a different time/day and if I could find one that did I was going to check with my social worker that doing that would be ok. Don't see why not though? Different day but same course but different centre?

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Lougle · 27/09/2012 10:54

Well, yes, in theory if it is the same course, then it should be fine, but I would still talk it through with your SW or solicitor so that it doesn't look like you are just looking to avoid the parenting course, or putting yourself above your DS. Also, I would be careful to have a place booked on the alternative course before you disregard the first course, because it wouldn't look good to say 'well yes I could have done that one but there was this other one I saw so I thought I'd do that one and then I couldn't because....'

TimeForMeAndDD · 27/09/2012 12:11

Did you enquire about an Advocate OP? Because I really think it would help if you had someone supporting you.

Fishpond · 30/09/2012 19:03

How are things going?

DistressedMumHELP · 02/10/2012 19:18

Went for my adult attachment thing today. Opened up a lot of old wounds and a lot of emotions. Early night tonight after a long bath.

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Whatiswitnit · 02/10/2012 22:38

What about your son? How is he?

isthiswhatitfeelslike · 02/10/2012 23:27

Yes how is your son? Have you heard any more from SS? I'm in almost the exact same situation as you. My baby son is in foster care due to my depression and stress management issues, I made a couple of bad judgment calls and am now fighting for him back.

So I feel for you.

Lougle · 02/10/2012 23:28

Well done for going along to that. How is your DS? Is he settled now at his foster care placement? Are you getting some good quality time together?

DistressedMumHELP · 03/10/2012 09:13

We are getting some good time together and he seems happy and settled, its hard though still. My social worker has said that I have been doing what they suggest and said to do the freedom programme cos the place that does the parenting assessment also offers parenting support. My little boy is growing quickly and I see the changes in him after the weekends.

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Lougle · 03/10/2012 09:22

That must be hard. Where are you with timescales now? When will they be making firmer plans, or have they indicated how long the assessments will take?

DistressedMumHELP · 03/10/2012 12:47

8 to 12 weeks for the assessments to be started, early march the final decision will be made in court. They have said the parenting assessment will take 12 weeks. My psychological one will quite possibly be weeks too but its worth it. The freedom programme is 12 weeks. My first freedom programme session is tomorrow. Nervous and know its going to be emotional but needs doing

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TheJiminyConjecture · 08/10/2012 23:23

How are things now? Hoping you're making some headway on all your lists. Thinking of you and DS

isthiswhatitfeelslike · 10/10/2012 14:41

Thinking of you op, how are things?

Lougle · 10/10/2012 19:27

I hope you've had some positive contact this week so far, and that your first Freedom Programme session was good. You have another tomorrow, I take it?

DistressedMumHELP · 12/10/2012 18:36

I went to my freedom programme yesterday though got lost on route this time. Little man is poorly again and fell asleep on me. The last three days I have felt nauseous and dizzy today so think I have something too.

I am struggling through each day. Last Sunday I broke down, a few friends were over so I went off into little mans room and laid and cried and my friend found me there and gave me a hug.

I hate losing a day of contact but I know I need to go to the programme and its something that needs doing for me and my DS.

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Lougle · 12/10/2012 19:25

Sorry to hear you've both been poorly. If your contact is 5/7, can they move one of the contact days to another day, so that you do 5 contacts, 1 freedom course, 1 free day?

isthiswhatitfeelslike · 12/10/2012 20:08

So have social services not succeeded in reducing your contact? I remember you said they had wanted to. That's great.

Will there be any more court dates until march? Will you have any reviews in court to prove what you've been doing to gain custody back? Are you having regular therapy?

Sorry don't mean to sound like the inquisition!

DistressedMumHELP · 13/10/2012 00:43

I have my first mental health assessment which I got from my doctor myself Tuesday. I have one for end November/ beginning of December. I haven't heard anything more about contact from my social worker so it continues as normal.

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isthiswhatitfeelslike · 19/10/2012 19:27

How are things going now?

DistressedMumHELP · 20/10/2012 12:08

Badly. Well not really. His foster family want to take him away for a couple of days later this month, which I am ok with but since knowing I would agree they now want to take him away from the Sunday before Christmas til the Sunday after and I had just got my head round only seeing him Christmas eve now I won't get that. I also know I could never afford to take him away twice in three months. These are opportunities for him that right now I can't give him which tbh makes me feel crap in itself.

I have a parenting assessment on Monday. Had my adult attachment but they are still analysing that

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