Broken hearted over my DS

[DistressedMumHELP]

Okay, i want help and reassurance really. I have name changed for this in case anyone recognises me. I was stopped and asked for an account of events yesterday after witnessing an altercation and the police officer noticed the bruise on my little boys cheek. Which i explained was where he had fallen in between the step and bench in my garden, they then noticed he has bruises on his legs around his knees, so eventually they arrested me on suspicion of ABH. I was of course a mess, but i was told at the time that it was procedure etc, so i was compliant with them, Last night i got released on police bail and was of course expecting my little boy back, but today after seeing social services they have said i cant have him returned to me. I am heart broken, i have never hurt my child on purpose, and i look after him as best as possible. Originally they were saying he didnt talk, but today in front of the social worker he was talking, and i am trying to explain that he gets shy about talking, when they say he is friendly etc. They went through all my history and i have been as open as possible with them, and i dont know what to do. They want to keep him in care and are applying for a court order on friday to do so. I plan on seeing a solicitor tomorrow, the only reason i didnt today was because i didnt leave the social services until half 5 so no where was open.

I NEED A HUG. I PROMISE I WOULD NEVER HURT HIM AND FEEL THAT JUST A FEW BRUISES HAVE TAKEN MY SON FROM ME.

I want him home. Does anyone have any experiences? How long will it take? They said they couldnt say,

I did give her a link further back in the thread. Theres a telephone number on the webpage. Someone said she was based in London, and that advocacy service is in London, so its an appropriate place to start, even if they signpost her to somewhere else.

here

and here

Thanks Noqontrol.

DistressedMum, I hope you prove your critics wrong. In the middle of all of this there is a little boy who has been hurt, who needs his mum. He loves you and is relying on you 100%. I don't care if you let us down, I DO care if you let him down.

Do this for him.

I was at the beginning of the thread but have not read the entire thing.

I probably mentioned it before (I always do) but www.frg.org.uk and they are in London.
They have, afaik, an advocacy service.

The information they have is easy to understand and they have a lot of it.

I strongly advise the OP to check them out.

I hate to say it, but I can see the way this is going.

Sorry noqontrol I didnt realise you had posted the links to FRG.

OP - you really DO need to contact them.

I, too, can see it MrsDeVere, but what I'm starting to wonder, is whether on some level, the OP actually wants that to happen. Whether she wants to get her DS back, but only if life stays as it is. If she has to make all this effort (and let's remember that we're talking about life-long effort to change), does she actually want to?

It is something I have seen both in my personal and professional life.
It is complex and hard for anybody to understand.
That ambivalence (is that the right word?).
The OP sounds unsure. Perhaps because she feels she is unable to be a good mother, because parenting is hard.

I make no judgement Distressedmum so please dont think I do.

But you sound very much like the birth mother of my son (who I knew well) and some of the young women I have worked with.

I think you should know that if you do not follow the advice given and get yourself some decent support you are likely to lose your child.

Ideally (for you) you would be able to take your time, have breathing space, sort your head out etc.
But because of your child's age this may not happen. They will be looking at what is best for him and if they decide permanency is, they will want to give him the best chance of being adopted.

I am sure this has been said before so I wont go on.
I hope things go well for you and your son.

Please listen to those who are trying to help you and please be honest with yourself above all else.

Ooh my goodness this is so sad, keep strong OP x

How are things going DistressedMum?

Any update? Am I missing a new thread?

No, I suspect DistressedMum hasn't liked the last few posts, which is a shame because meaningful help isn't all fluff and cuddles.

DistressedMum, I'll be thinking of you and your DS on Tuesday.

Likewise.

I hope things work out for the best (whatever that may be) for you and your son.

Distressed mum is back. I have been working on getting sorted out. I have a mental health assessment booked in, and i have been chatting to someone about my past, which has helped, i also have flu and a throat infection, which i am hoping wont mean they will stop me from seeing my little boy. I will go if i am DYING!
I am coping, barely. I have been prescribed sleeping tablets though i have yet to take any of them. I am sleeping okay without and promised myself i would only take them if really needed,

I want my son to have the best life possible and sometimes I do feel like he would be better off without me. I expressed this to social services before when i tried to commit suicide. Its hard being a parent, i want my little boy to have the best of everything, i want him to have a mum and a dad that are happy. I want him to have siblings. I feel like i have already failed at being a mum, though i want to change that so badly. I love him so much. Sometimes loving someone means doing what is best for them though.

I hope you get the support to do whatever is best for your DS, DistressedMum.

Thinking of you today.

Thank you.

Thinking of you & your DS today DistressedMum I hope if nothing else you get a better idea of a plan going forward.

I hope it goes well for you both today.

Thinking of you also. I hope you are able to say all that you need to, and hear what is said to you clearly.

wow, just read through the whole thread. So so sad.

Good luck with it all. Be honest with yourself, stop living in la la land and accept your lot. Work with what you have to make small, significant changes everyday.

What are you reading at the moment?
What are you watching on TV?
Who do you look up to, who do you admire?

I haven't been reading or watching anything really since all this started. Mainly cos friends have been about keeping me busy so that I don't get chance to get depressed. Still at court. Various assessments, psychological, psychiatric, parenting have been asked for. Got an hour release then back to court

Do you know what this hearing is for distressed?
Sorry if I have missed it. Is it for an interim court order?

I hope you are ok. It must be very stressful for you.

No. This one is a case management hearing which basically sorts out what assessments are needed and where we go from here really

JUst thinking you need to surround yourself with a "culture" that is good for you.

Inspirational and healing books, parenting books. Do you have a library card, go to the library and get some nice things out.

My sure start also lend out parenting books, which is something you could look into at yours.

Who do you look up to? Who do you think...oh they have it sorted, wish I could be more like them?

Listen to womens hour on Radio 4, lots of interesting topics everyday and lots of "issues" discussed. Radio 4, every day 10am.

I look up to my best friend but she hasn't got it sorted but she is a great mum, she works hard and is there.

I was going to get some self help books and yoga cos it used to help me sleep and I'm struggling with Sleeping atm.

Think I need more friends locally but that is something I have also been working on as well.