How do I steer DD away from her odd school friend?

[helenhn]

DD is 6 yrs old and she has known a little girl since before school. However, this girl has some odd characteristics (wearing school uniform to weekend birthday parties) and doesn't have many friends at school and has latched onto DD. She has now started 2 of the out of school clubs which DD goes to (because DD goes to them) and hangs around her at any parties. This little girl is quite intense and if DD doesn't play with her at school she just sits on her own in the playground or follows DD around. My (and DH's) main concern is that this little girl also has quite a negative attitude ("I am rubbish at this" "I hate this" "I can't do this" etc.) and she is quite naughty which has started to rub off on DD and DD is becoming cheeky and uses the same negative phrases which we don't like. I haven't raised my concerns about this friendship with DD's teachers, but I think I will do at the next parent's evening. I have also gently steered DD and suggested that she plays with her other friends at playtimes but have avoided saying "Don't play with XX" (but do say to DD "You are not as nice a little girl when you play with XX"). I am also good friends with this little girl's mum who encourages the friendship with DD and I am conscious that DD could say "Mummy told me not to play with you"!

Can anyone offer any help or suggestions as to how I can reduce this friendship?

mydog that is so sad about the birthday party

Because I know the feeling when everyone on MN seems against you ( I'm a bit over-sensitive and it was an AIBU, though not my own thread ) anyway I'll throw you a small life-line OP, and say I understand that you might want your DD to spend time playing and developing friendships with several friends and not just the one. Is that any help to you ? Why not come back on the thread and tell us what you make of it all ?

Juggling, that was lovely to read . I agree that the OP needs to be given a chance to explain herself better. These 'worries' often look awful when written down hence the replies.

MyDogShitsMoney I am so SO happy your story has a happy ending. xx

I'm Fransan btw not sanfran. I'm not defending the OP but lots of posts were talking about this 'lonely child' but it appeared to me that this was her choice as she hadn't been excluded by anyone. I don't condone the intention to break up the friendship by any means.

I've never had a whoop before

(Thanks Dancer, it was shitter than shit at the time but I've more than made up for it since!)

I do agree that the OP should come back on though. It's almost impossible to be objective when your own child is involved so maybe she can explain herself a bit differently. It could well be that her wording hasn't come across as she wanted it to.

On face value it really isn't pleasant to read but if you genuinely wanted opinions would you not respond to them? And I speak as someone who has been flamed and has the scorch marks to prove it!

Ok a bit of an initial sulk is fair enough, as is a bit of argy bargy whilst you tie yourself up in knots trying to defend yourself, but eventually you reluctantly relent and take it on the chin.

Of course it's difficult if bad behaviour rubs off onto your otherwise well behaved child but that will always happen, and as JustMe says, it's your responsibility. You can't keep your child away from every badly behaved child there is.

If the DD doesn't actually want to continue the friendship that's a completely different thing, but to force her to end it is cruel. To both children.

"You are not as nice a little girl when you play with XX" is really not a nice thing to say in my book.

Yes it was as you got my name wrong and if you called me Barbara in RL when I was Brenda I'd tell you .

YOu know no more than me TAOBs and we won't know anymore because OP isn't coming back. Yes I work with children - have a degree and everything but I know nuffink .

and lots of other posters were giving the point that the 'lonely child' might not have been making a choice - and i personally could identify with this scenario

since the OP has chosen not to come back to thread, we can only draw from our own experience

i think i understand you are trying to play devils advocate here, Fran, but why? OP has given nothing to defend IMO

No, we don't know, but when I read the OP it is absolutely redolent with signs that this little girl is unpopular and lonely, and that the OP is being unkind and unpleasant.

(Thanks timetoask, it wasn't a fun time but a lot of kids have it a lot worse)

Oldboots, Pissy, False and all the others who have posted about their DC's struggles my heart goes out to you. It must be heartbreaking but at least you're doing something, your DC's will appreciate that when they're old enough to understand. I know that doesn't help right now

How on earth from one post do you know more than me TAOB's ?? And again I am Fransan but I guess you meant to type it wrong didn't you you old wind up? .

My children are the weirdos PMSL (have you met my DS??) - I was just trying to look at it from another angle - no biggy really. I am sorry if I have upset anyone but I can't believe the OP mean to be so nasty. Devil's advocate/benefit of the doubt - call it what you will but OP never came back so we'll never know if she really has a heart of stone.

would the OPs scenario not rig up an red flags to you though, Fran?

for the other little girl i mean?

you know, what with Duty of Care and all that malarkey?

meant to be

I would need more than one post - I would need to SEE it. Children are constantly observed in the early years curriculum. I wonder how the teacher and midday assistants view all of this.

If this isn't a wind up, then I'd be really disappointed with OP's opinion of this little girl...it really is up to them who they make friends with, you cannot change these factors when they are in school.