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Original poster

How do I steer DD away from her odd school friend?

147 replies

helenhn · 21/08/2012 09:49

DD is 6 yrs old and she has known a little girl since before school. However, this girl has some odd characteristics (wearing school uniform to weekend birthday parties) and doesn't have many friends at school and has latched onto DD. She has now started 2 of the out of school clubs which DD goes to (because DD goes to them) and hangs around her at any parties. This little girl is quite intense and if DD doesn't play with her at school she just sits on her own in the playground or follows DD around. My (and DH's) main concern is that this little girl also has quite a negative attitude ("I am rubbish at this" "I hate this" "I can't do this" etc.) and she is quite naughty which has started to rub off on DD and DD is becoming cheeky and uses the same negative phrases which we don't like. I haven't raised my concerns about this friendship with DD's teachers, but I think I will do at the next parent's evening. I have also gently steered DD and suggested that she plays with her other friends at playtimes but have avoided saying "Don't play with XX" (but do say to DD "You are not as nice a little girl when you play with XX"). I am also good friends with this little girl's mum who encourages the friendship with DD and I am conscious that DD could say "Mummy told me not to play with you"!

Can anyone offer any help or suggestions as to how I can reduce this friendship?

OP posts:
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ChablisLover · 21/08/2012 10:38

are you being for real?

Seriously?

Wow

Not really a friend to this girls mother are you? As if you were, you would discourage your childrens friendship.

Leave them alone - do not make an obviously very lonely child even more lonely! having been there and have been the lonely child its not very nice.

MadBusLady · 21/08/2012 10:39

This is one of the saddest things I've read recently on here, especially having just come from a really heartwarming thread about how actually it's fine to be introverted and have different socialisation patterns, and how horrible and soul-destroying it is when thoughtless people blithely assume that different = odd = bad/avoid.

I hope it's made up too. Sad

Badvoc · 21/08/2012 10:40

Sigh.
Very sad.
Hope it's a wind up.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
MadBusLady · 21/08/2012 10:41

The naughty behaviour worry is legitimate, by the way, but despite you saying it's your main concern, it isn't what you lead with. You lead with the other little girl being "odd" and friendless. Sad

ChablisLover · 21/08/2012 10:43

sorry just re read my message

Meant to say If you were this girls mother friend, you would not discourage the friendship

did not mean to say you would discourage friendship.

My DS is 5 1/2 and has only one wee friend and they are both as odd as get out. Who knows, maybe your friend is saying the same to her DD as you are to yours. Wouldn;t that be interesting????

EverybodyKnows · 21/08/2012 10:44
Shock Biscuit
mintymellons · 21/08/2012 10:44

Right, I agree this all sounds wrong on the part of the OP, but I can also understand that thing of not wanting your DC to be at the mercy of another child.

My DD1 (also 6) has had situations whereby another child has taken a shine to her and then more or less insisted that DD play only with them. They then sulk or get upset if she doesn't want to for whatever reason (although I wouldn't ever tell her not to play with someone - I only know about this happening with my DD because she's complained about it!). I find that these things work themselves out anyway. It would be terribly sad if the OP's DD snubbed this other little girl purely on the basis of her being 'odd'.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 21/08/2012 10:45

Why should she ask about the school uniform?
Why does it matter?

Dc4 has spent the last two years being claimed by a child at nursery. They are not who I would chose. They are very spoilt and has some eye popping behaviours. But dc likes the child, is perfectly happy with the arrangement.

I keep my nose out.

What a child wore or any social awkwardness wouldn't even enter my mind!

(this is why dc3 goes to special school. No one cares he likes to wear a 3 piece suit as lounge wear)

pigsinmud · 21/08/2012 10:46

You are good friend's with the little girl's mum Confused

Your dd wants to play with little girl and she is happy. She sounds as though she's lacking in confidence that's all. I don't get why you are interfering?

Don't go blaming your dd's normal 6 year old cheekiness on someone else.

FalseStartered · 21/08/2012 10:57

the little girl in the OP could be my DD

she locks onto people, has very strange ideas about what to wear some days, has terrible self esteem and has naughty behaviour

she also has autism

lisad123 · 21/08/2012 10:58

I just thought seeing as she is "good" friends with mum that she might know the reason for what she says is "odd" behaviour.

FalseStartered · 21/08/2012 11:01

i'm not saying the little girl in the OP has autism, only medics can say that

i was highlighting the glaring similarities Wink

EverybodyKnows · 21/08/2012 11:02

False - Just like my DSD (AS) , hence the Shock and the Biscuit

OP You need to learn tolerance and compassion.

Still hoping it's a wind up.

akaemmafrost · 21/08/2012 11:04

I started to answer this but just can't be arsed.

The behaviour stuff, yes, have concerns, fair enough. The rest of the "differences" you describe as issues just make you sound like an absolute dick.

NellyJob · 21/08/2012 11:05

sounds pretty par for the course these days, conformists only please!

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 21/08/2012 11:07

fwiw my ds (older than the OP's child) and his freinds are bloody horrible to a lad who is a little odd and slightly clingy.

This is despite my best efforts, and I am ashamed of the way he's behaved - not only do I feel for this boy but selfishly it reflects terribly on my own parenting.

DoginBoot · 21/08/2012 11:07

My DD befriended the 'odd' girl at school and the mother befriended me. It was all fine and ran its natural course.

I was quite proud of my DD for making for time for her.

SoupDragon · 21/08/2012 11:10

If I were the mother of the other girl, I would be discouraging her friendship with your DD on the grounds that her mother is not someone I'd like.

mavisthemoog · 21/08/2012 11:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PandaNot · 21/08/2012 11:11

Wow, what a very strange and unkind attitude towards a SIX year old! I hope your dd isn't on the receiving end of this one day...

Ephiny · 21/08/2012 11:18

Why not just stay out of it and let them form their own friendship groups. Unless there's bullying or something happening, there's no need for parents to interfere in that sort of thing.

If your DD is being cheeky/naughty then obviously you need to address her behaviour, but that's independent of what the other girl may or may not do.

serotoninbutterfly · 21/08/2012 11:18

Hmmm looks like the OP hasn't come back then?

Wonder why.

Toughasoldboots · 21/08/2012 11:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Helennn · 21/08/2012 11:23

Um, can I just point out for future reference, that despite our very similar posting names, the op is not me!

Am wondering if she will have the guts to return to this thread and justify her opinions?

DebussyHead · 21/08/2012 11:23

This post has made me very sad for the 'odd' wee girl. She is only 6. How would you like it if another mother was talking about your daughter in those terms. Very poor attitude.