Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Should we tell our children if they were mistakes?

131 replies

Beetroot · 22/02/2006 11:44

I would not. But interested in otheres opinions

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

alliep30 · 22/02/2006 11:45

i wouldn't call mine a mistake..unplanned but welcome!

Earlybird · 22/02/2006 11:46

Absolutely not. You could be honest and say that it was a surprise, but to me, the word mistake has negative connotations.

Distel · 22/02/2006 11:46

Got pregnant with ds1 when I was only 17. I would deffinetly not tell him, he would be distraught....he is a sensitive little thing.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

hunkermunker · 22/02/2006 11:46

No. Someone I know knows in graphic detail that they were a mistake - the story's wheeled out at highdays and holidays

Original poster

Beetroot · 22/02/2006 11:46

yes but how ever you word it, woudl you tell your kids?

Two of mine were wonderful surprises but I feel they might interpret that as mistake whichever way i sold it to them

OP posts:

mummytosteven · 22/02/2006 11:47

oooh no I wouldn't. If DS ever asked outright, would say "unplanned but welcome".

LadyTophamHatt · 22/02/2006 11:47

My mum always said I was.

She had a miscarriage before me and a few years ago I asked her when she lost the baby. It turned out it was only a short while before she was PG with me so I now don't believe I was a mistake.

It's never bothered me one way or another though

Fimbo · 22/02/2006 11:47

No. My dd wasn't planned and my dh was distraught when we found out as he was just finishing a training course after Uni, but after the initial shock, he very much wanted the baby and nearly eight years on they adore each other. I would never call her a "mistake" nor will I ever tell her she wasn't planned.

Distel · 22/02/2006 11:48

My other 2 were planned so I think to say that ds was not, to him would sound like we wanted dd and ds but not him. It was certainly a surprise but he is loved the same as the other 2.

Twinkie1 · 22/02/2006 11:49

We were all mistakes - the wanker that is my bio father says he didn't know how my sister and I happened and my 3 brothers were the result of biology teacher stepmonster conning him - ooohhhh had tummy upset (your a bio teacher FFS!!), those steroids your on made your sperm super potent!! (and he fell for this!!) - and she had no idea where the last pregnancy came from!! - and you wonder why science GCSE marks are falling!!

DD wasn't a mistake but DS was and I hope that he will feel sufficiently loved not to care.

Earlybird · 22/02/2006 11:49

Tell them that you can't plan/control everything in life, and sometimes surprises happen. It is a matter of wording, but as a parent, I think it's up to you to put a positive spin on it and then constantly reinforce that whenever the questions arises.

LadyTophamHatt · 22/02/2006 11:50

twinkie.......is that you? the original twinkie??

mummytosteven · 22/02/2006 11:51

Yes I agree with Earlybird, a lot of it is in the presentation. A huge difference between saying a child was a nice surprise, and screaming during a row - having you ruined my life/I should have had you adopted.

lucy5 · 22/02/2006 11:51

No. My mum had me when she was 16. Although she never told me I was a mistake or that she regretted having me, I always knew I wasnt planned and could see how my mums life would have been different had I not been around. she has never said this mind you.

macwoozy · 22/02/2006 11:51

My mum described me as a mistake, and it did bother me. It always made me feel a tad jealous that my brother was the planned one, whilst I was just the mistake. 'Unplanned but welcome' sounds so much nicer.

expatinscotland · 22/02/2006 11:52

No need. They usually figure it out for themselves.

WideWebWitch · 22/02/2006 11:54

Interesting. Ds was but doesn't know and hasn't asked. He knows that I think my life is happier since I had him though. My dad always used to tell me littlest sister that he didn't want us and it really upset her but not me because I knew he meant in theory he didn't want us, in practice he loved us madly.

Feistybird · 22/02/2006 11:54

only when they are 17 and come in pissed at 4am, chucking up and waking the whole household.

imo.

Hulababy · 22/02/2006 11:56

Never a mistake. Would sound so wrong and must hurt to hear surely?

Depends on age as to whether I would use unplanned either. A welcome suprise maybe instead

Twinkie1 · 22/02/2006 11:56

Yep - but am at home now and have had to change name as don't know how to log on without old email address.

Who are you??? - I don't know any ladies!!

Bugsy2 · 22/02/2006 11:57

They weren't the mistake though were they. The conception was the mistake, not the person!

Enif · 22/02/2006 11:58

my mum did once to be deliberately hurtful

silly cow

I was only about 9.

so no I wouldn't

beejay · 22/02/2006 11:59

I would never tell my dd she was a mistake but I fear she might work it out when she is older. Her father and i were both unmarried, young and we didn't ever live together hardly the basis for a carefully planned pregnancy!

LadyTophamHatt · 22/02/2006 12:00

I was emmatmg.

welcome back....alot of people are still here. yo should start a thread to say you're back.

pouchofdouglas · 22/02/2006 12:02

Message withdrawn

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6