Should we tell our children if they were mistakes?

[Beetroot]

I would not. But interested in otheres opinions

Oh wow - hello - did start a thread a while back - don;t hardly know anyone anymore!! - just a nightmare with DS being so active - can;t come on here often and feel bad just poking my head round the door every so often!!

I think DD1 might ask, as she was born only 13 months or so after I took up with her dad; I may use DP's lovely phrase of 'constructive carelessness'.

you need the "Old timers" thread from the other day.

To qualify you need to be a MNer for 3yrs+ and you've been here as long as I have.

How old is Ds now?

I always knew I was a happy 'mistake' (concieved 6 weeks after my mum had the coil fitted ). Never did me any harm - and we've always made a joke of it, especially since my 2nd was also a mistake, as was my cousins 2nd......must be a family thing.

15 months - been walking since just before 10 months and has no fear so life hard and has been for a while!!

I never say they were mistake, but my dts were a surprise. I think I prob will tell them. It makes them all the more special to me, twins conceived while using contraception. I was happy right from the start, and we had planned to have another one eventually, so they weren't unwanted at all.

15 months......that has flown by!!

I agree with expatinscotland, they soon work out whether they were 'planned' or not. My mum got married 3 months before I was born in a shot gun registry wedding.It was the 60s, but she always said I was the best surprise she ever had!!!

My ds1 was my wee 'surprise', he's never asked if he ws planned but he sure knows he is/was wanted And I'm sure at 20 he's worked it out as well.

I would never ever ever, tell a kid they were a mistake, how awful I mean Enid still remembers her mum telling her when she was 9, how awful!!!

Yep - and I am super knackered and not having any more - will go on old timers thread now as not to hijack this one!!

a surprise but not a mistake

friends mom told her she was unwanted but not unloved - still doesn't sound that great

It is unkind & incorrect to call a person a mistake.
The person is not a mistake. I was given up for adoption, so was clearly unwanted - but I don't for one minute think I am a mistake. Having an unplanned pregnancy is the mistake, not the human being who results from it.

I was told much younger than 9 that I was a mistake, but I can honestly say it's never bothered me. I knew my mum and dad loved me, and was always well looked affter so why should it bother me? Accident/mistake/unplanned all pretty much the same thing when it comes to babies - only term I wouldn't use would be unwanted - and that's the only one my parents never used.

I've never been bothered by my mum saying I was a mistake.

Never ever.

maybe I'm wierd.....

Mind you, I did abuse the knowledge when I was a stinky teenager, I'll never forget the look on my mum's face when I yelled at her "You didn't want me anyway, abortions were illegal then!!"

I knew I'd crossed the line then, and never said it again I knew it wasn't true, just wanted to hurt her. What is it about teenagers eh?

A surprise - my dd knows this, and teases us that she was a mistake!

But...she knows that we love her dearly, that she is the best girl in the world, and although having two babies just 15 months apart was jolly hard work, I would not change it for anything.

I wouldn't tell her she was a mistake, no, and I can't see there would be a situation where I would chose to raise the fact that she was unplanned. If she ever asks me herself I will tell her she was unplanned but very much wanted. If she took that to mean she was a mistake I think I'd point out that some mistakes turn out to be very good things indeed.

Batters -
My dd (now 12) did ask us if she was planned, and I try not to lie.
It actually is just not an issue to us, never has been, and hope it never will be.

my mum said it to be nasty

but dad came upstairs and said I wasnt a mistake I was a lovechild

actually taht made me barf more tbh

I was told by my siblings that I was a mistake. They used to taunt me and say that mum and dad were too chicken to take me to the childrens home, but that they had never wanted me!
Mum told me that although they only wanted 2 kids, and initially she was annoyed when she found out she was pg, she very quickly warmed to the idea and would never have contemplated not keeping me.
Also said ds and twat brother were liars!!
Doesn't bother me at all!

No - absolutely not! I thought I was a mistake and it became a family 'joke' (7 year age gap) which I found really hurtful - some years later my mum told me she had had two miscarriages between me and my sister and that I was very much wanted.

On a total tangent - I think it's awful when divorced parents tell their kids they never loved each other - how cruel to think you were conceived in anything other than love whatever your feelings now.

No - absolutely not! I thought I was a mistake and it became a family 'joke' (7 year age gap) which I found really hurtful - some years later my mum told me she had had two miscarriages between me and my sister and that I was very much wanted.

On a total tangent - I think it's awful when divorced parents tell their kids they never loved each other - how cruel to think you were conceived in anything other than love whatever your feelings now.

After being told at 16 that I wasn't wanted by my mother, I would be dead against anyone ebing told they were a mistake. Mistake just make it seem like it's still that way, IYSWIM?

Unplanned but wanted is the best I can come up with.

Whose mistake are they? Anyway surely its 'unplanned' - if you tell them they are a 'mistake' you are saying you regret having them - and thats a really nice message to give your kids...
If they were that much of a mistake you could have done something about it....

Agree with expat, I did. Mmm, married at 16, child at 17 [ponders].