'SAHMS' that have full time childcare or help - a fantastic liberation or downright lazy?

[Enid]

There are lots of mothers down here in Dorset who are (or whose husbands are) well off enough to afford NOT to work. I know a few and they all have full time aupairs or nannies. One of them has TWO nannies - one for each of her children.

It seems to be a matter of pride that you always take the nanny/au pair on holiday to help with your children. Also that the nanny/au pair takes the children to clubs and activities.

OK - I think it is outrageously lazy (and so does dh). What do you think?

I read this thread last night and was so stunned I had to waut until this morning before I could post anything - What surprised me most was how judgemental and mean people can be and how closed-minded that makes them. So here we go, in for a penny, in for a pound, as my mother used to say -
I am a SAHM with a gorgeous 13=month old DS and a full-time nanny. She works 5 days a week - from 10am to 6pm and will help out with babysitting if needed. My son is the luckiest child in the world because he is stimulated and encouraged in two different ways - by her and I and so learns different games and is exposed to different things that he would not necessarily be learning were she not there. We are a multi-linguil household and she speaks to him in Italian, I do english and when he is older I will switch to French - which will only be of enormous benefit to him. I give him breakfast every day regardless and we do bedtime every night - sometimes I am home for lunch or tea otherwise she does it - I never have a moments concern when he is with her and she does all the things I have no interest in like cooking some meals and his laundry etc - so I am free to do all the fab stuff and have the fun. I am there if there is a cold or his teeth hurt and give plenty of cuddles, kisses and lots of love.
The idea that you can only be a good mother if you are with your child 24/7 is appalling and I am shocked at how quick MNetters were to condemn anyone who did not agree - will happily share the details of the rest of my fabulous life that I have and that will only benefit my child, but it might make your narrow-minded lives seem even more dull - now all you lot who want to be the perfect mothers, maybe you should get off MN and go and look after your children.

Coolmama - thank you for so very eloquently summing up this thread.

coolmama, I would like to ask you something. do you describe yourself as a SAHM? surely that term is not quite accurate?

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well.... not a work/life balance is it? I don't see that coolmama is doing any ACTUAL work
but I am prepared to be corrected

I don't think what coolmama has is that different from a lot of SAHM I know who have a lot of help from their family. The difference is that this is paid help. I think it's great for children to be "exposed" to other people than their parents and get used to their parents coming and going a bit.

I think coolmama comes across as rather defensive (and not a little obnoxious). I found it rather curious that her post was described as an "eloquent summing up". To me it had more of a rambling, disjointed quality.

yes and I didn't particularly care for having mylife described as dull either, because don't choose f/t child care
tiny bit sweeping
tint bit swanky

coolmama, sounds like a bit of a lazy and 'lady who lunches' kind of existence.
Obviously it works for you.

I would post but am far too busy trying to rescue my wife from her "rather dull" life.

There was a sort of Vicki Pollardesque flavour to the last few sentences, I thought

considerably more money than sense, methinks...

god don't bother wmf.
lockets is too too dull to be saved
best get a nanny, pronto

maybe you should get off your ar$e and actually do something useful, rather than pyaing someone else to do it for you.

lol HC
She really does need to have help, am so peeved that she chooses not to

go on, Coolmama, share some more details of your fabulous life, darling, pleeeaaase

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Charolais, dahling

^^

"luckiest child in the world"

spoilt brat more like

"my fabuous life"...

oh please! tell us more! where do you lunch?

pmsl

She's pretty testy for someone whose life is such a bowl of cherries

Staying at home with your own flesh and blood and doing "menial" tasks for him liking cooking him healthy food is "dull" ? Ok, it may be dull when you have to do it for your husband all the time, but not when you do it for a helpless baby or toddler who can't look after himself.

The most I would allow a stranger to do would be to come in and clean the house or do the garden (if I had loads of money, which I don't).

Looking after my son, feeding him, playing with him, teaching him a language, those are My jobs, thank you !! I breastfeed him (he is 20 months) and I wouldn't expect anyone else to do that for me either !!

Greensleeves -you are absolutely right I was really pretty peeved about the whole thread - I am certainly not defensive about my life or how I choose to raise my child - I run my own business from home and have no family to help or step in etc. so the nanny is a kind of luxury but also a life-saver for me - I have no problem with people who choose to stay at home f/t with their children, am just utterly annoyed at the condemnation of women who don't. Apologies for the last comment - but was really angry.

If you are running a business from home then you are not a SAHM, you are a WAHM, which puts a slightly different complexion on your choice of childcare. I think the main reason why people have been so scathing about you is because your post came across as obnoxious and scornful of other people.