OK atheist parents - how do you deal with The God Thing?

[Bibulus]

DH and I aren't believers but we don't make a big thing out of it. We made the decision early on to be as neutral as possible in the way we talked about religion with DD, i.e. 'some people believe this, some believe that....'

She prays at school, she knows all about baby Jesus and his mother Mary, although she's probably a bit sketchy on the details of it all and has barely ever set foot in a religious building.

Anyway, this evening she asked to visit the local churchyard, so we had a little walk around, and she was asking lots of questions about the people buried there, why people brought flowers to them etc. Then she wanted to go into the church, and it was open so we poked our head in.

DD was spellbound by it - she said breathlessly, 'why is it so pretty in here mummy?' and asked a million questions about how you talk to god, what does heaven look like, who are the pretty ladies with wings on the wall.....! Then we got collared by the vicar, who was very pleasant and sweet to her and showed her round the church which enchanted her even more.

Am now regretting taking her in there a bit! I didn't want to ruin it for her so I haven't said anything to undermine the idea of god or praying or heaven. Now she is sitting next to me on the sofa practising praying. DH will do his nut!

So anyway, I'm interested to hear how other non-Christian, non-believing parents handle all this stuff?

I do exactly what most others do on this thread, and say 'Some people believe XYZ', and if I am asked what I believe, I say 'I believe ABC.'

I have told DD (nearly 6) that she needs to think about it, and when she's ready she can make her own decision as to what she believes (I say the same when she asks me if fairies/superheroes/witches etc exist!!!! ).

However, it's hardly a level playing field. DD often comes home from school with stories of God, Jesus, Easter and Christmas Stories, plus DHs personal bugbear, comments like 'thunder is God moving furniture.'

These are not taught as stories but as truth, which does piss me off a bit. The other day at home, DD said Grace before she ate her lunch (in Welsh - I'm not sure she knew what she was saying, but the indoctrination is obviously working )!

I will be explaining to DS in no uncertain terms that religion is make believe.

I'm not agnostic (i.e. not really sure) I'm atheist (I'm certain!) so I'm not up for this letting him make his mind up stuff - i will give him the benefit of my wisdom, which is that religion is simply not true! (IMHO!)

However I think religion is a fascinating subject and I look forward to talking about it with DS when he's old enough.

When we talk about religion we'll explore its historical context. So for example at Easter we'll talk about the goddess Oestre , and the pagan rituals which Christianity "borrowed".

Similarly when we talk about Christmas, we'll talk about the profit Mithras, whom many roman soldiers worshiped, and who predated Jesus. Mithras had 12 disciples, was born and rose again, his worshipers ate bread (representing his flesh) and drank wine (representing his blood). (Sound familiar?!!) Oh, and he was born on December 25th.

We'll talk about ruling Romans at the time changed the date of Christmas to Mithras's birthday so that the soldiers would find it easier to convert to Christianity - a very clever political move.

We'll talk about how Jesus stood for peace n love (as did the hippies!) but somehow Christianity has been adopted by powerful warmongers.

We'll talk about how religion gives people comfort and answers to difficult questions, but how that doesn't mean it's true.

I'll give him good atheist stuff to read (e.g. Douglas Adams, and also Bill Bryson's Short History of Everything when he's old enough.)

And I'll send him for holidays with his atheist RE teacher SIL

And if he comes out religious after all that, well at least I tried!

we tell them bits about different faiths.
so church visit would be followed by looking at other religious buildings.
a religious festival would be followed by other religious festivals etc.

mine get really involved and facinated in each religion for a bit then move on.

ds2 is currently into hinduism but a few months ago it was christian and sikhism before that.

"not talking about it is a bit like not doing sex education because telling teenagers about sex will obviously mean they'll go out and get pregnant"

Apt metaphor. Except that not talking about religion to a 3 year old imho is more like not telling about sex to a 5 year old, because she doesn't know what it is unless you tell her, and she cannot possibly grasp it at that age.

"I don't think that by talking about it would will necessarily make her believe that there is no god"

The way I would talk about it (the only way I could talk about it) most necessarily would make her believe that there is no God.

As I said before, the day she asks about these things will be the day I talk to her about it. I am not avoiding the subject, just not bringing it up. Because it is a non-issue, really. Religion is not a part of our lives, so why would we mention it?

DD is actually quite bright. She can tell you more than you will ever want to know about Big Bang, planets, stars, various satellites of various planets, difference between a meteorite and an asteroid, etc. She knows about Christmas, but only as a time when everyone gives each other presents. She hasn't been to a church these past few years. Trust me, if religion was no part of your family's life, your DD wouldn't think of asking you about it, either. Especially not at age 3.

threeleftfeet - I wish in a way I could be so straight with my DCs.

However, my DPs are VERY anti religion, and as a result I had a lot of times in my childhood where I felt quite mortified by their behaviour. These included refusing to stand up at appropriate times during Xmas church services (which I used to do a lot of as I played in an orchestra). refusing to let me go to Brownies because of the religious element, telling me that they wanted me to sit out of assemblies with the JWs (I put my foot down on this one, and they gave in thank god).

Now I look back on things, I can see it from my parents point of view (the religious aspect of so called secular schools is terrible IMO), but when you are a school kid, anything like that is just horrifically embarrassing, and I don't think I could inflict it on my DD and DS.

i find it interesting as i never believed in God, and my first encounters with it in school were along the lines of incredulity and disagreement.

DD seems to like the stories about little baby Jesus on the other hand.

i do enjoy explaining something like Easter both as Christian festival and the celebration of Eostre ....

It will always be my childrens right to find their own path and I would never discourage any faith. Faith is a personal choice and it hits people's deepest emotions I would never judge anyone on whatever they belive I would certainly not say to somone a faith is wrong. Everyone child or adult has the right to explore their personal faith and I would not question my child about any religion I very well maybe christian but if any of my children were to ask about a different religion I would gladly give them the information they wanted. Its just a matter of people have different feelings and belive different things . There is certainly nothing wrong with that

"I would certainly not say to somone a faith is wrong"

Neither would I.

I would tell my DD that the claims of a faith are wrong, though. As in, not factual.

Surely, you don't see anything wrong with that.

I like the idea of keeping memories in your heart.

I was brought up believing in God. My father died whilst my mum was 7 months pregnant so I've always been told I would meet him in heaven.. Now I'm not sure if I believe and I do feel incredibly sad.

Cote My 3 year old has done all sorts of religious festivals at nursery. Surely RE is taught in primary school?

lol My faith is very factual though but no however If you want to say that to your child of course thats your choice :)

So sorry for your sadness JollyBear I hope you find peace soon.
R.E is taught in my childrens primary school but it is not a set school like C.E or anything so they are taught a few different religions :)

oops sorry only from year 4 upwards though

It's a difficult balance isn't it RedHotPokers

I'm not at all keen on the Scouts and will be sending DS to Woodcraft Folk (as I went to, and loveed) if there is the option (and there is in our current town).
However if we ended up in a place where there was no choice and he wanted to go, I wouldn't stop him. Social exclusion isn't nice.

School is less straighforward. There's a lovely school near here which interprets the (IMO ridiculous) religious requirement in a very open way, encouraging DCs to think about awe and wonder and morality, there's no obvious Christian content.

I have no idea if DS will get into that school though. There are another two and one is very Christian (for a non-denominational) school. I really don't want DS going there partly as I don't want him exposed to constant indoctrination, but nor do I want to exclude him from assemblies as it's not fair on him, that's not a great solution IMO.

So, we're moving soon (anyway), and one of the major factors in choosing a new house will be how good the local primary is, and one of our major questions when choosing a school is its ethos, particularly how religious it is.

If the only local school is CofE, we simply won't move there.

We live in a Catholic country (not UK) so DC will have some sort of RE at some point, but they haven't had any yet. The nursery (ages 3-5) had no religion, and even Christmas songs were about Santa Claus and stuff. She is about to finish her first year of primary school and there has been no mention of religion yet.

There will be a Catechism class next year, but I will write a letter to school saying I want her out of it. If they say "no", I will just tell her that all of it is just stories, none any more real than Jake and the Neverland Pirates or the Pokemons.

We will cross that bridge when we come to it...

Sunshine - I'm not saying your faith isn't real. I believe you when you say you have it.

I'm saying the stories are not factual - earth created several thousand years ago, people created around that time the way they look now, etc proven to be wrong, by the way.

would you have a problem if a school taught about religion ?? If so why?

I wouldn't have a problem with a History of Religions type of RE, but this is Catechism, indoctrination in Catholicism, with expectation of some sort of confirmation at the end.

History is very good to understand our world however even science doesnt cancel out my faith many many things have been proven true . However I do not wish to argue with anyone :) Its just saying it is not factual is incorrect :)

In UK they will get religion and collective worship at school. There are no secular state schools.

|I am not Catholic but again it would not bother me in anyway for my children to learn about it .

Faith is a personal thing no amount of standing up shouting out or declaring to the world matters it is only what is in your heart mind and spirt that matters . So making any child commit to any faith is not going to work because only they know what they feel inside. This is why we should just let them be taught about different religions hear different stories learn catchy songs it really doesnt matter everyone has their own heart and mind :)

It wouldn't bother me if she learned about Catholicism - i.e. read a book about its history, values, etc. It would bother me if she were to be instructed in a classroom, by an authority figure, that it is the truth and she should believe in it.

It would be her choice to belive though right ?

My son was doing about Moses. I told him that it was a story some people believed. He has asked me about God and heaven. I told him I don't believe that but some people do. I also told him he was free to make up his own mind. He is very loyal and told me he agrees with me (good independent mind)

I have no issue with schools teaching about religions and using stories to make points about behaviour. I have a massive problem with indoctrination collective worship in a state funded school.

My Mum was taught catholicism and decided she didn't believe it and is now an atheist.

i think the most important thing to teach children is the ability to think these things through and be comfortable in their own decisions