Am I the only parent who won't allow an xbox, DS or playstation in the house?

[MINIBondGirl]

Am I being unrealistic in this issue as I only know a very few parents who feel the same? Having seen other children playing on them (sometimes looking like zombies and getting headaches) I am really put off. I know some parents restrict usage and don't allow unsuitable games but a lot don't.

As my boys are 4 & 7 I would rather they played outside, used their imaginations and concentrated on school for now.

Realistic or not?

brdgrl - what you say is interesting: I sometimes joke that my younger siblings were raised by different parents to me! They were allowed much more freedom and I think that that has influenced how they regard our upbringing in comparison to me and my older siblings. Even though we were raised in the same family by the same parents, we had very different experiences as teenagers.

Sure, but if a friendship is going to develop, the idea that there is one way in, and that way in is through x object/toy/activity is flawed - especially if it is notan object/toy/activity which reflects the real scope of activities the kid engages in.

Sharing one activity does not constitute a friendship. If a group of other girls play with Barbie at recess, and my DD doesn't play with Barbie, she will find another activity to do, and she will make friends with other kids who also aren't playing with Barbie. And she may play football with a 'Barbie girl' another time...or discover a shared love of books with one of those girls...or any number of things.

There are lots of good arguments for not 'banning' electronic games - but "everyone else is doing it and I don't want my kid to be different so I will permit something that I really don't think is right for us" isn't one of them, IMO.

iamsherlocked, in my case i think it is more that we had similar experiences but very different temperments! For whatever reason, my sister felt more of a need for approval by the other kids, whereas i mostly was sort of clueless about the social hierarchies going on around me. We also have different opinions about my parents' choices - my mother worked fulltime, and for a while had a second evening job as well; she also did not really enjoy socialising with other mothers as she is quite introverted - so she did not get involved at our school, for example. My sister was determined to be different with her sons, and is very involved, volunteers in the classroom, participates in all the fundraising activities, PTA, etc...she says she felt neglected by our mother's lack of involvement. I don't see it the same way at all! I just think my mother was doing her best for us, and she wasn't "that sort" of mum anyway, and I can understand why because I am a bit like her myself! So sis is much more critical of our mum for working, whereas I think she was a great example for us.

Sorry, have been working

DS at 17 has 5 Sixth Form subjects - his choice (we've asked him to rethink many times) - so a horrible work schedule, and he also plays a particular sport and runs a club so he can't fit in much more than an hour anyway. He'd love to have more leisure time but doesn't want to give up his goals, and so I guess what was once our rule has become him too. We're not joyless about it, but he knows and all kids have to know that you can't play games for hours AND get lots of schoolwork done at the same time.

They don't pull sickies to get free screen time. They know I will get out my thermometer :).

I don't think that what you watch on TV is a particularly common experience anymore, nor do I think that fitting in is the be all and end all. But not having very much in common with your peers purely because of your parents principles or attitude can be very difficult. So I simply think parents should consider the broader impact of their actions. That means keeping an eye out for what the current generation of children are into, because of course it could be totally different to our childhood/teenage experiences.

I can still remember my rather pitiful efforts to pretend that of course I watched Dallas too and knew who all the characters were, or that I had seen Grease and had a clue about the story. It didn't work! My parents didn't have a clue that they had put us in a difficult situation (of me and my three siblings only my middle sister made any friends) but my mother did mention the other day that she had been a bit surprised that none of the other mothers would talk to her, for very similar reasons - she just assumed that of course children wouldn't be bothered about differences.

This varies a lot between children as well. We let our children play for up to an hour at a time. Our 10-year-old has always been slightly addicted to the PS3/PSP and won't stop on his own accord, but he doesn't let the themes affect him. Our 8-year-old will only play if he wants to, and will usually finish playing before we ask him to, but is very affected. Whenever he plays the punching robot game (Real Steel) he comes away very aggressive and causes trouble around the house. The elder child has never been like that.

So, I think it's not just about your own values and how you want them to spend their time, but also about their personalities and how addicted or affected they are.

Joe

Tell you what you shouldn't buy.

A basketball hoop, it attracts extra children who all ask for drinks (politely though).

I am sure all these kids have xboxes and DSs, they should be quietly zombified by now, but no it is thwack thwack thwack...

Have not read the whole thread, but as other postes have said, it was obvious before opening the thread that th OP had small children! We make countless mistakes in bringing up our children, but one thing I have learnt is that it is a constantly shfting landscape and you have to be flexible and adaptive. It also means not being categorical about what you will do when the kids are older than 7, and not judging other parents (or children) whose 'mileage may vary', or making crass assumptions that a child turnes into a zombie by playing or never does other things inside or outsde the house This doesn't mean caving in to every fad for the sake of peace and quiet, but it does mean cutting some slack.
I hate electronic games, but accept that they are part of kids lives now and need to be included, like all things, in moderation. Also that they need to learn to accept delayed gratification or they will have rubbish lives as adults. So it is a constant challenge to get a good balance.
(One of the positive benefits of teh PS3 I have to grudgingly admit is that DS2 can play on it and communicate with his friends who live elslwhere (?), so instead of laboriuouly arranging play dates etc, he can play for 15mins with his mates after homeowkr and before eating which is fun for them to unwind and socialise.

Dear Reader!,
Please let me introduce myself, my name is Tracey I'm 42 and I just a regular Mum trying to do the right thing and I need something bigger than myself and im hoping to make a difference.
My son is a Super keen Gamer and he is Year 9 at School and gearing up for his GCSE's and my dilemma is that I have a constant battle to get him to spend quality time with his homework/revision, I have found he is gradually becoming more hooked . So I thought maybe do something positive about this situation that many Mums like me find there self's in and get a Responsible Gaming Company on my side, or arrange a meeting with the head of the school and form some kind of support network which I feel is needed in schools for Mums that battle every night with there kids.
I feel that times are changing , and like there are guest speakers invited to schools for eg, sex ed, fire services, careers advice, now is the time to introduce assemblies involving the subject of gaming during GCSE's, and the importance of time management put in to studies . I am confident that I am a good parent , I have no doubt about that, but many will argue its all about the parenting, I have tried every strategy I can think of and still gaming /social media win the battle, and gets more attention than studies should.
I feel it is Now or Never , this is a crucial time in our children's education , as it will be for generations to come, and I completely understand that we can not fight technology , this problem is not going to go away and I would like to think that a Responsible Gaming Company would have the belief that Kids should enjoy gaming but should enforce the importance of there education. Im not adverse to gaming but I have a son that deserves to and should do well in his exams but it feels like this could slip away from him , (as many parents also feel) , only for him to regret when its all to late.
I have never approached any idea like this before , so im also a little ???? as to how to take this forward but I believe there's a niche for something to be introduced in to Schools , it just needs to be kick started and with your support and in conjunction with the school by providing and educating the kids on a healthy approach to gaming and time management regarding homework/revision this can only have a positive outcome. Can I just say also that in turn it will take the peer pressure away from kids like my son that feel there friends are still gaming hours after they have left the game , I am aware too that some parents will not be interested , but 'how interesting' would it be it see just how interested parents actually are interested in there kids education and to have a healthy attitude to Gaming , and if the kids know the parents and schools are all on the same page, and that may involve some kind if a contract drawn up by the schools ,signed by the parent and child this problem is automatically resolved.
I have a had a great response from parents already that would welcome some kind to intervention, and this is what has spurred me on to contact you. I just think it would be a shame to not have tried.
So , what do you think, its time YES, please lets do this.