Am I the only parent who won't allow an xbox, DS or playstation in the house?

[MINIBondGirl]

Am I being unrealistic in this issue as I only know a very few parents who feel the same? Having seen other children playing on them (sometimes looking like zombies and getting headaches) I am really put off. I know some parents restrict usage and don't allow unsuitable games but a lot don't.

As my boys are 4 & 7 I would rather they played outside, used their imaginations and concentrated on school for now.

Realistic or not?

I'm at a risk of sounding smug here, and I am aware that I was teasing a very smug person earlier(!) but I do think it's a case of having limits very early on. I used to have a timer for tv watching when mine were very little. Now they have every sort of screen known to man, but I do make them keep to limits. It's negotiable, though, and "family telly" doesn't count as "screen time". With 11 year old ds, it helps to say "OK, telly off now, come and do homework/ music practice/read a book for 20 minutes". Something specific. That seems to act as a sort of bridge between screen life and normal life, if you see what I mean. It's almost as if a prescribed activity like that switches his brain back on, and then he can find other things to do.

"Well said indeed Doormat. I send my DS up to his room at 9 (to play x-box) so that I can watch progs with sexual content etc. He also enjoys playing skateboard and football games on there, so those who tar all games with the same brush are missing the point a bit."

*Seeker - How old is he?

I think I'd rather my 11 year old was downstairs watching post watershed TV with me!*

Sorry a bit of a delayed reaction, been out all day! My DS is 12. I was enjoying Homeland, which is on at 9pm, however, I didn't think watching torture and Brodie wanking over his wife were suitable for a 12 year old so I sent him upstairs to play x-box. However war-themed the games he plays may be, there's nothing in them that I've seen to remotely rival the level of violence and sex on some post-9pm programmes.

*A child may become addicted. A child may use games inappropriate to their age. A child may use games for too long and it will impinge upon other activities.

All of those are about parenting and nothing to do with the games consol.*

this that pagwatch said is the crux of the matter.

and i shall say NO its not always easy and your child may not like you setting the rules and boundaries with what games they can/cannot play and time limits etc, but imo thats part of being a parent, your children wont always like the decisions you make.

i find a times helps like seeker says for little ones esp, we have a quick discussion, set a limit, they may try and bargain for more time say on a fri night or as a reward or in return for doing something helpful. i also when the time is nearing its end give them a ten min and then a five min warning, this means they know its coming and they can then save their progress etc. and they may still sulk and moan and that tbh is what children do sometimes!

i am mean mum apparently cos i dont let consoles in the bedrooms and i dont let my 12 and 9 yr olds play games that arent age appropriate when 'every one else does' funny when you talk to other parents that not everyone else does at all! and i remember using that same argument with my parents, it didnt work! and as children get older i think they do understand why you make the rules particularly if you talk to them about it, have a discussion, come up wiht an agreement together. my 12yr old may not agree with some things but actually when i talk to him about it he does understand our reasoning and sees why we are making these choices and it then means he has got better at limiting himself and making the right choices on his own without us having to tell him.

I'm another one that thinks everything in moderation. We actually love gaming in our family! That's not to say we allow it willy-nilly, but we definitely enjoy ourselves playing video games.

I really don't see games consoles as this force for "evil" that many parents seem to. Maybe that's because DH and I enjoy gaming and see it as simply another enjoyable activity amongst a whole host of other rather geeky and nerdy pass times we tend to share as a family (reading comic books, watching 80s fantasy films, visiting the Doctor Who Experience, playing Top Trumps, you get the idea)

We've had a Wii since DS was about 5, (he's 7), but DH and I got it for US (to play Zelda and Mario and re-live our teens!) with the added benefit that there are many child friendly games available. DS particularly likes the Lego Star Wars, Batman and Harry Potter games. There are many benefit to playing games like this, as part of a healthy diet of active, creative, age-appropriate activities (DS also loves making animations, playing violin, drawing, pottery and riding his scooter. He's not sporty, but likes the idea of joining a fencing club when he's old enough).

We have some house rules about TV, DVD, iPad, MacBook, and Wii use. DS has to ask to use them (we usually say yes, unless we have other plans, or it's too late in the day to start gaming/watching) An adult turns the TV on, operates the DVD player or the Wii (ie puts the discs in and takes him through menu set up), gets the iPad for him to use (it is not just left lying around); the MacBooks are mine and DH's so he must ask to use one, with supervision. We negotiate about how long he spends on the Wii.

I personally think that due to the Wii being a FAMILY possession, not DS's personal one; and the input from us that he needs to request to use it, DS does not have a sense of entitlement about playing video games. It is not his god given right to play video games, whenever he likes and for however long he wants. He needs to negotiate with us. 9 times out of 10 we say yes, when he asks, and he's usually cooperative about how long he plays.

I don't think (despite marketing) that personal, hand-held consoles like the DS or similar are actually age appropriate for children below teenage. I wouldn't buy one for my children until they are at least in secondary school. I just think it is important for parents to engage in their children's interactions with technology, which is very limited with a personal console; as well as this, a personal console creates a sense of entitlement in the child: "it's MY DS Mum! I can play it when I like!"

I don't do TVs in children's/teenager's rooms either. None of my siblings or I had one until we'd left home for uni. It's just not part of my upbringing and won't be part of my children's.

5madthings YES to everything you said!

thankyou badgerina :) and in our house the games consoles are all 'family' owned they aren the childrens and they ASK if they can use them, they were bought as a joint present for all the family and we all use them, the boys dont have a sense of ownership over them and they know that they dont have a right to them, they are a treat and something we share.

I have a Wii which gets used now and again, my 10 year old has use of his big brother's XBox for 1 hour a day after he has done his homework. He plays football at least 4 or 5 times a week as well as training for an hour on Thursdays and plays out with his friends if the weather is dry.

I can count on 1 hand the times he has used our DSi.

I really don't see games consoles as this force for "evil" that many parents seem to. Maybe that's because DH and I enjoy gaming and see it as simply another enjoyable activity amongst a whole host of other rather geeky and nerdy pass times we tend to share as a family

Badgerina, thats my point to - playing the games is just another fun activity for my children in life, not their whole life.

Back home now. Wow, didn't expect such a slagging off! Was merely saying what we found useful. That's what I love about Mumsnet, hearing about how different people do things different ways, then deciding what's right for your family, for now. I tried the weekday telly ban when mine were young, because DS found it hard to tear himself away from it for reading, spelling etc. on the Monday, I'd forgotten, but the kids remembered, so we tried it, then stuck with it, cos it works for us. When we got the PS, we applied the same rules, which have made life easier for us. That's only two things in our busy family life that we don't have issues with, there are so many more issues and battles like every other family out there, so no, not being smug!

Agree totally with what badgerina and 5mad said.

I will admit to a tiny bit of bias here - I grew up with games, my dad was in the industry for a while, so I'm used to them being around and can't really imagine not having them.
But I think the real issue here is that a lot of people who are strongly against video games as a whole tend not to have much knowledge of the industry and rely solely upon tabloid newspaper articles and media hyperbole for their information.

In fact, as a result of this, when I see people griping about "video games" or "Xbox", there's a large chance they mean (in laymen's terms) "shooting games", as these are the ones that get the most publicity outside of gaming culture, due to the high level of violence and the controversy that, by nature, first-person-shooters draw about themselves.

There is a huge market out there with educational aids for children (and adults!), roleplaying games that certainly do NOT "kill imagination", games that teach strategy, etc. etc. and so forth.

Don't just do a blanket ban. That would be like me saying "I don't like reality TV. I don't watch it, but [insert news outlet of choice] has shown me that is is exploitative and a bad influence on children. Thus, as a result, I shall ban all TV as it is soul-destroying filth."

Happybubblebrain - couldn't agree with you more. There are so many more interesting things to be doing.....

As for the posters who keep saying "things will be different when they're older". I say again - I have also parented 2 teens - and guess what - they did not miss out on not having these things - their words not mine.

My boys are very IT literate and watch suitable TV but I don't see the point in them playing with xboxes et al when there is the big wide world to explore (even in the rain).

My problem is not with parents who use them responsibly at all - just not for my family.

Mmmm. Very pertinent topic! We've just moved house and DH has given each boy an Xbox for their new rooms. Good point: they can't argue over whose turn it is next. Bad point: am beginning to feel our house resembles Microsoft's test lab. Discovered last w/e that we had 3 laptops! I didn't know that!! Anyway, boys have time limits operated by secret computer code that only DH knows. But ... DS1 (11yrs) would definitely love to play games on Xbox more than anything else in the world at the mo - unless his new mates come to call. Will need to watch this. Ha, forgive the pun! :) He's getting to that don't-tell-me-what-to-do phase because mum, I know MUCH MORE THAN YOU!

I also think that outright banning of games consoles is really counterproductive. It doesn't teach children how to develop their own healthy relationship with things that need to be moderated, and often creates mad desire - a forbidden fruit. With most things I think it works best to allow the child to negotiate with you what the parameters are, right from the start.

Another thing I think could create mad desire/unhealthy attitudes, is when parents use the banning of consoles as punishment. If you ban something as a punishment, doesn't that create an atmosphere of desperation during the times when the child is allowed to use the console? It just makes the console even more desirable, rather than something normal.

Great post xStarGirl.

I agree with 5madthings and badgerina. I think that moderation in all things is much better than banning. I have some things that I have stuck to absolutely- no TVs in bedrooms- regardless of the fact that most of their friends do. However I accept that they are going to play computer games and I would much rather they learn at home to moderate it themselves. I don't see any need at 5 years, but I think that the parents who are adamant they 'are not going to crumble' need to be a bit more flexible and open minded, they can't be absolute fo something in 7/8yrs time. My DCs have to get on with life in the world they are in, I don't want them to be oddities. I want them to learn to handle it themselves and not from outside control- therefore they need opportunities to learn to do it. To start with I will limit screen time, but it is all rather pointless if they can't do it themselves by at least 16yrs.

Cross posted Badgerina- very true.

I think there are a lot of assumptions made by the 'ban em' brigade about games. I don't believe that all games stiffle imagination but on the other hand, why does everything have to stimulate the imagination and be good for you in some way? And surely not all toys stimulate the imagination anyway -board games are fun and get you thinking but I wouldn't say they are imaginative nor are they physical in the way that some console games are.

My DS1 who is 11 loves strategy games like Civilisation - they are actually quite complex games and I would liken them to a game of chess because of the planning and forward thinking required. Yet because one game is played on a board and another has a screen one is deemed to be good and the other bad by some people. It doesn't really make sense to me.

We have a Wii and a PS. We have no shooting games at all as my DSs tend to either play football games or motor racing. We have a few book/film spin off games too like Harry Potter or Indiana Jones and a few family things like Mario and Sonic at the Olympics. Left to his own devices DS1 would spend all day by himself, he wouldn't go out as he can't see the point and he would either watch telly or read a book. He has AS and DCD (dyspraxia) - he can't ride a bike, doesn't really play any sport and he doesn't have friends. By letting him play on a console he does at least play with DS2 (who does go outside and play and self limits his time on computers and consoles) and they have a good time together. It doesn't affect their homework because I don't let them play before a certain time which leaves plenty of time to do their work without rushing.

Computer aren't going to go away. By pretending they can't be used for fun as well as work you are cutting off all sorts of potential entertainment and there are cross overs - computers games can be both fun and educational/physical. Also for a dyspraxic child like my DS, it helps with the development of hand-eye coordination (and feet for some Wii games) and gets him thinking.

By all means OP limit your children's exposure whilst they are still young. Set limits if you do eventually cave in but don't assume they are necessarily terrible things.

And only buy age appropriate games. And if somebody else buys them. Game that's not age appropriate, take it away.

I get so fed up of people- this is in real life as well as on here- saying "well, I don't like him playing them, but what can you do?"

mindgone I'm surprised, if your kids are such great readers, that they don't want to rush off to read a book as soon as they've finished their homework! I was a big reader as a child (too far back for games consoles), and I was always trying to read when I should have been doing other things.

Maybe you could try giving them some more interesting books, if you think the ones they've got now are less interesting than a games console would be?

I grew up with computers in one form or another - we had a Binatone when I was 4. Basically a white line moving up and down or side to side with a square "ball", so you could play "tennis", "squash" and several other "sports"...

Then we had a Phillips, and this had exciting things like ten pin bowling, golf and basketball.

After that we had an Intellivision which had hundreds of games. Then an Amstrad CPC 464 where I could program my own games by typing a (long) series of commands copied from a book. Or load a game from a tape which took about ten minutes. At school we used a BBC Model B , then at university it was PCs and Macs, email and internet.

Anyway, what I'm saying is I used to spend an inordinate amount of time on these things as a kid and spent LOADS of time watching television and seemingly still had loads of time to read, play out and do other things. All it has left me with is a good understanding and lack of fear of technology which sadly at lot of people even my age (36) don't seem to have.

Adding my two pence worth to this.

The biggest problem I see with kids playing age inappropriate games such as Call of Duty, MW3 etc is not only the content, but the online experience, which is what these games are made for.

Do you want your child to have vile abuse screamed at them online by other players over and over? And then more than likely have the abuse recorded and uploaded to Youtube for more abuse? Things like I'm talking about.

THAT is the main reason I would never let any of my kids play any of those war style games. They are boring as hell offline, and online they are a cesspool of disgusting verbal abuse.

seeker re age-appropriate games, we used to have a strict rule on that, but DS wold go round his mates houses and play them there anyway.

We refused point-blank to allow him a specific game that everyone else bought at midnight on the day it came out. He just said "well when I'm at xx's house we play it and his mum doesn't mind. His dad plays it with us."

What can you do?!

We can ban him from certain friends' houses altogether (not very fair), speak to their parents (not very productive) or allow him to play the games here where we can see them, assess their suitability for ourselves and impose time limits. We've chosen the latter, as I suspect have many other parents.

I think it is a sensible rule not to allow xbox, play stations etc. I think though if children have these, they should share one console. I find in schools, children are more often than not, unable to share, co-operate and work with others if they live in a household where they have one each (to stop arguments sake). I can also tell which children in my class have a tv in their bedroom, it does make a big different to their learning.

If a DC is really keen on reading they will read. As a DC I was always reading and had computer games been around I would have preferred reading. I can only think that these parents who are worried it will stop them reading don't actually have 'great readers' in the first place. I would encourage the reading rather than ban something else.

Yes, I was constantly in trouble for reading.