Am I the only parent who won't allow an xbox, DS or playstation in the house?

[MINIBondGirl]

Am I being unrealistic in this issue as I only know a very few parents who feel the same? Having seen other children playing on them (sometimes looking like zombies and getting headaches) I am really put off. I know some parents restrict usage and don't allow unsuitable games but a lot don't.

As my boys are 4 & 7 I would rather they played outside, used their imaginations and concentrated on school for now.

Realistic or not?

They will also read if you encourage reading, they won't read because you stop other things. I come across DCs who always have their nose in a book, they haven't been forced by their mother- they love it.

Yip exotic

I think I sickened my DC for life over reading

I hope that one day they will come back to it.

My 17 year old has a part time job and a life.

Restrict screen time? Hahahahahahaha, good luck with that.

am i the only one wondering if these 17 and 12 yr olds that are only allowed to watch an hour a day of screen time have EVER watched a film? as that would be more than there allowance, or do they split the film over two days? anyway they will have missed out on a lot of childhood classics if they havent.

and yes rationing the screen time of a 17yr old is a hilarious concept, but then as i said up the thread i impose limits on my 9 and 7 yr olds but my 12 yr old already pretty much self regulates and would rather read or if he does want screen time he does scratch or other academic stuff on the pc.

i suppose our thinking is that when little we impose limits and help our children make choices as they get older you discuss these choices more and instead of imposing limits we come to an agreement and they start self 'policing'. we as parents would step in if necessary but they also have to learn the consequences of their actions and realise the benefits of making good or bad choices ie i remeber ds1 playing for a while on a games console one evening, me having said to him 'have you got any homework you need to do that first' his reply was 'no i dont think so' when he later checked he did indeed have homework but it was then dinner time and he had a club etc, so his choice was simple he could miss his club and do his homework and be gutted about missing the club, or he could go to club and then set an alarm to get up early and do his homework, but HE would have had to set the alarm and get himself up i wasnt waking him! or he didnt do it and face the consequences at school which meant a lunchtime detention. he was 10 or 11 at the time,? and realised that actually it was better to manage his time better. its a learning curve and i suspect that as he goes into yr 9 (where he will be taking an extra gcse and some extra science classes) he will have to learn to juggle things a bit more but he is doing hte extra classes as he wants to and so he will have to learn to balance his new workload and i will be there to offer support and advice, i cant do it for him tho.

i just wonder at what point some parents are going to let their children make choices for themselves? do they have to be 18 or have left home? i am another one that had a part time job at 16, had always had a paper round before then as well and i combined my job and my gcse's and then a levels etc and managed my work load, still played on my sega mega drive and was generally fairly organised and independent. It does seem to me that some parents are become more and more controlling of their childrens lives and micro managing everything they do, which is not really a great way to help them grow up into independent adults, which is what we all want for our kids isnt it?!!

Possibly not having one in the house might get a bit harder as they get older. especially when everyone else has one and knows what "this" is or "that" does blah blah. on the plus side there are quite a lot more educational games and sporty keeping active games now than there were even just 3-5 years ago when computer games were literally just sit with a controller and stare at a screen. it's become a bit more of a family activity in recent years but still moderation should definitely be used.

We have games consoles in the house because my partner likes to play his xbox every now and then and with the kinect thing where you can do sports without a controller it's good fun every now and then for everyone. i'm also a major tech addict, laptop, ipad, ipod, desktop the lot but my son is only 3 so whilst he shows an interest in these things the only thing he is allowed to use is sometimes the ipad, only if he's sat nicely on the sofa quietly in the evening under supervision. as for us it's harder for him to get outside time in the evenings even in summer as we live in a flat and have no garden. most days of the week he goes to playschool (soon school....very scary thought) and/or i take him to my parent's house even when they aren't in because its a farm house with a massive garden and to be honest i think my son prefers playing outside to playing on any piece of technology anyway.

I think that it is scary that people let loose a sheltered and controlled DC at 18 and expect them to cope.
Yesterday I read that prep schools were keeping DCs until 16 because parents wanted them sheltered and immune from peer pressure.
I wonder when people will wake up to the fact that DCs need to cope, need to face disappointments,need to learn by mistakes and that wrapping them in a cotton wool bubble where everything is happy and fair is not in their interests.

Agree exotic I had a sheltered life and at 17 when I got a drivers licence went wild for about 4 years-If my mum and dad knew any of it they would die !! I left home at 18 for freedom !!

Well my twopennorth is that my DS (7.5years old ) has no consoles except a leapster yet. I will consider a DS when he is 8yrs old. However he has played games on the PC since he was around 3 years old (generally cbeebies type stuff now moved on to CBBC et all)

Now the caveat here is that Ds has aspergers and adhd but when we have friends around it always goes better if it is a friend who likes PC game playing.

In a 2-3 hour visit I usually allow 30-40mins of the time on the PC or the TV and if they choose the PC, I usually hear nothing but positive interactions between the boys, turn taking, giving advice, laughing and even learning to deal with frustration (something my ds needs lots of practice at!). If they choose TV, I don't see any of this so nowadays I tend to offer the PC and no TV.

During the rest of the playdate which usually involves park time and some general playtime at home, I often (depending on the child who has come over) spend quite a bit of time refereeing fights and disagreements.

Recently I have taken to allowing unlimited PC time (but very limited TV) with the one or two friends that I know are happy with this and with whom DS likes to play. They have been the most laughter and fun filled playdates for far and by far the most relaxing for me.

In fact even when allowed to play on the PC the whole time, I find Ds and friend will sometimes break off and do something else (have a go on the trampoline, play with something else) and them maybe go back to the screen later.

Ds alone on screen time I do find more problematic though as it is easy to leave him there as he will happily play for hours but he isn't getting the same interaction with another child. So for me it is more complicated that "I will never ....."

Never been a problem - I decided that they would not have these and my siblings tried to undermine this by giving my son a Nintendo when he was 12 I think it was - it was very gratifying that he was not interested and bever took it out of its box and we sold it on ebay! Now they are teenagers and they are so busy with friends horses bikes and now driving that there doesn't seem to be time in their day - or perhaps there is a gene for it? So I can't take any credit but perhaps living on a hill farm helps...real life is exciting enough!

Mmm in response to many posts here I would also like to share my conclusion that a parent can influence them up until they become teenagers but then they need to separate and will usually react against you! I hide a smile when my teens give their opinion and I recognise something I said when they were younger. So don't miss the opportunity to talk and discuss things with them before 13 - of course home educating them for 5 years really helped with the communication! They still tell me everything or so it seems and I am very reticent in gving my opinion except in the form of 'stories' about others or my own...

Personally IMHO I think an out & out ban will just lead to them being even more coveted by your DCs in future, you will also miss out on what can become a great bargaining tool for when they suddenly turn into argumentative, turn the house into a tip little so and sos are older.

We have WII & DS, which for the most part are used freely as neither gets used solidly as you describe in your OP, most days they won't get used at all, DD isn't all that that interested when indoors, but loves her DS if we are out & about & she might get bored, the games can be educational too & she will get a bit hooked & want to play more often if she has a new game, but bar that, they are not over used & yet still pull some punch if threatened in a ban

It still seems to me some posters think it "outdoorsy" or "gamer" mine are definitely both as I think a lot of Posters kids are too. My kids have an exciting real life too but on a Saturday for example my eldest spends 8 hours at the stables and when comes home likes to chill for an hour playing whatever ? Likewise my other kids, and my golf improved loads thanks to wii !!

I'm always amused that "playing outside" is an "I claim the moral high ground" phrase. I catch myself using it in that way too.

Oh yes seeker me too if I am honest especially as we live somewhere so gorgeous "Oh its a lovely day and mine are out blah blah ... oh yours is watching a DVD really??" I hate myself sometimes- then next minute they are in and the whole national grid blows up through electronic devices being fired up.

They are going to self regulate, I would be very surprised if those who lived on a hill farm were not outside, similarly those with a love of horses. It is actually possible to communicate well and still hold things back.
Much better to encourage what you want rather than block what you don't want.

imnotmymum

I cant keep my 10 year old in on a nice day, and as much as I love the freedom and childhood experiences he is no doubt gaining its hard because then I have to put up tih his 4 year old brother moaning asking to go out to and hes a bit too young. My 10 year old loves all his games machines but would rather be out playing with his freinds, on his bike etc. Luckily we live in an area where its very common for kids to be out playing, sadly I think (for lots of reasons) its not the same for everyone.

It does seem to me that some parents are become more and more controlling of their childrens lives and micro managing everything they do, which is not really a great way to help them grow up into independent adults, which is what we all want for our kids isnt it?!!

Couldnt agree with you more here 5madthings, and it starts when in early childhood when some parents think they have to entertain and edcuate their chidlren 24/7 practically - ok a slight exageration which was why I was angry at the poster earlier implying there was something lacking in people who let their chidlren play games machines as it was an "electronic babysitter"

I think it all depends on how strict YOU can be with time limits etc. We got a wii cos it looked fun but I very soon had to ban it to the loft cos DS1 turned into a raving lunatic evil monster from HELL hitting DS2 if he didn;t co-operate with him in the game and throwing the hand set thing. yes taking offthe wrist wrap and THEn throwing it in temper. DS2 was totally fne with it and would turn it off with no arguments when asked.

Same thing with the DS., DS1 Horrid Henry. Ds2 Perfect Peter. They are 8 and 7.

at least with DS you can hide it quickly and easily. I think the Xbox type things are all plugged into the TV - so not quite so easy toremove fom sight.

I feel very sorry for those children where parents want to exercise absolute control over them throughout their childhood and teenage years, and who feel that it is their place to dictate absolutely how the household will be. It feels to me as if those parents have no sense of their children as individual from them: as if the parents want to take a blank slate and impose their perfect child onto it.

I was brought up in a very restricted, controlled household and it caused me numerous problems as I entered into adulthood. I had (and still have to some extent) a very unhealthy relationship with food, and I had huge problems learning how to form healthy relationships with men. I have very low self-esteem, and am still very awkward socially.

As a result, I have tried very hard to let DS's own personality flourish while not allowing him to turn into an entitled brat. He watches some TV, he plays sometimes on his DS, he reads voraciously, he plays lots of sport, he's learning the piano and he goes to Cubs. When all his friends were playing with Beyblades at school, I bought him one. I have too many years of memories of standing on the sidelines being bullied mercilessly for being 'different' to want to let DS suffer that just because I am trying to prove a point about what a perfect parent I am.

And do you know what? The Beyblade hasn't ruined him. Playing Lego Harry Potter on his DS hasn't ruined him. Watching The A-Team with me hasn't ruined him - in fact, it has led to some lovely bonding times!

He is not a mini-me. He is his own person and he will grow up to be his own man. And if he can grow up with an understanding of the world in which he has to live, and how to engage with it in all its varied aspects, and how to respond to it in a healthy way, then I will have done my job.

Sorry to go on - but I feel very strongly about this. And smug parenting by people who have no real experience of teenagers and no knowledge of how complex and challenging they are frustrates me immensely.

IAmSherlocked Thank you excellent post

IAmSherlocked good post.

Another from me, IAmSherlocked, a post for every new parent to read. They are not are blank slate. Deal with the DC you have and not the one you want.

IAmSherlocked lovely post.

And smug parenting by people who have no real experience of teenagers

Yes, exactly - I somehow managed to get from 12 - 20 overnight and have never been a teenager myself.

Just because other parents don't parent like you doesn't make you right or them wrong. Just because you had shit parents doesn't mean that a parent who says 'no' is a shit parent. I'm really sorry you had shit parents, who have obviously left you with a lot of issues. It's because they were shit parents, not because they didn't let you have what other children had.

It's got nothing to do with controlling our children, it's to do with controlling the environment and imagery we want our children exposed to. When she becomes a young adult, we can reassess the situation, but for now, very restricted TV and definitely no video games.

I would say that it hasn't left her with any issues, it has left her being a very sensible parent herself, having seen first hand, the sort of harm you get from micro managing and over controlling your DC. At no point does IAmSherlocked say that she is 'liberty hall'- she merely takes into consideration that her DC is a person in their own right- they are not a possession to turn out as she wants.
You also have to be realistic and as teenagers you can't control their environment, which is why they need to learn to do it themselves. As young adults they can do as they like- there is nothing to reassess, except perhaps that you got it wrong because you failed to listen.

I had (and still have to some extent) a very unhealthy relationship with food, and I had huge problems learning how to form healthy relationships with men. I have very low self-esteem, and am still very awkward socially.

No issues??

*And if he can grow up with an understanding of the world in which he has to live, and how to engage with it in all its varied aspects, and how to respond to it in a healthy way, then I will have done my job.
*

Isn't this what all parents are trying to do? Maybe I'm just feeling a bit sensitive on this thread so I will back off, but I read this as saying that parents who did restrict TV/games were not doing this.

I guess it's also a lot easier for me to say no to TV and video games because my daughter's peers are in a similar environment to her, so there is not the same peer pressure there might be in other schools.