If it's been done before, I'm sorry - but please, could I start a support thread for dealing with my 4-year-old?

[Jacksmania]

I'm not being a very good mummy right now. I'm being an awful shouty mummy. :( It's making me feel horrible all the way to the bottom of my soul, and yet I can't seem to help it.

My four-year-old is the sweetest, funniest, cleverest thing in the whole world (moi, PFB? :o). I love him so much it makes my heart hurt sometimes.
And he's also four... which means he whines, cries, argues, and acts like a cheeky brat. I can cope with the cheekiness. But right now, I can't cope with the whining and crying. I don't know what I'm doing wrong - but how can such a cheerful, funny child have days when he starts every request with crying? This morning he hopped in the shower with me, and immediately started crying. "What's wrong??" "Mummy can you get my baaaaaaath toooooyyyyys" . Oh. My. God. Why can he not just ask?????? "Mummy can you please get my bath toys. " You bet, no problem.

Then it was folding his clothes out of the dryer. I made the horrendous mistake of folding his shorts and putting them away. Cue hysterical tears. "Whyyyyyyy can't I foooooooold my shoooooooorts..."
Repeat with every other nonsensical thing and half an hour later my blood pressure is through the roof because the default is to cry and whine and not simply ^ask".

WHAT am I doing wrong? Why can't he just ask???????????

And yet, half an hour later he can be a completely different child, happy and cheerful, and then back to crying over something stupid.

I am going round the bend. I really am.

We just came back from holiday, and while there, he had a massive strop because we couldn't go get another lemon cupcake because it was time to go to the airport.
I'm so ashamed of myself but I literally snapped. Something just went "ping" and I hurled my hairbrush on the floor (well away from him, on purpose - I had that much control) so hard it shattered. And I came close to doing the same this morning, with a cup of fruit salad, but got a hold of myself in time Thank fuck or there'd have been melon all over the ceiling.

I hate myself when I'm like this. I feel like I'm turning into my bloody father who had a scary temper when I was young. Don't know if he still does but that's a different story. I actually frightened myself with the rage I was feeling when he wouldn't stop whining and crying.
I am setting a shit example for him - I don't want him to turn out like me!!

I thought I saw a three-year-old support thread last year sometime, but didn't post on it - could I start a four-year-old support thread?
What am I doing wrong?
Please someone tell me, because I feel so shit right now, I hate being shouty and scary like this.

Ds2 did this, and my response was to tell himthat my ears only hear nice polite voices, and certainly don't hear whining.

Then I resolutely ignored any whiny voices.

Now they are older, Ds1 has a particular friend who, despite being nearly nine years old, whines every word she speaks. I have a whining ban in place, so although I remind her once ("I don't hear whiny voices, Small Girl, so the more you whine, the less likely I am to hear you!") she still gets ignored for a good hour until she twigs that I really don't listen to whining.

I sympathise, DS can whinge with the best of them. I try to ignore and sometimes tell him "I don't speak whinge, ask me properly". Sometimes I shout and then I feel bad.

My ds is the same it's hard isn't it

I start every day resolving not to shout and then feel like a failure when I do it anyway :(

Too ambitious Jacksmania! Why not start every 5 30 minutes resolving not to shout then you can feel like a success most of the time except on really awful days .

You're right, I should have more realistic goals :o

DD has been off nursery school today (she broke up yesterday although DS breaks up today)

So far we have had no tantrums, whinging, moaning, whining yet

But my God I am exhausted. It is such hard work plastering a happy face on my face

I spoke too soon, DD is kicking off (currently lying on floor screaming) because she is not allowed a chocolate biscuit!!

So, everyone is looking forward to the Easter holidays with unflinching optimism and a song in their hearts then?

Something tells me this thread is going to get busy.

DD was starting to kick off this morning so I pretended to be on the phone to Snow White about her missing dwarf, Grumpy. I told her not to worry, I had her here and passed the phone to DD. It amused DD enough to avert that particular huff. I doubt it would work often.

I'm sending DS to preschool this morning even though it isn't his usual day, so I CDN have four and a half hours to myself.
I am beyond tired today.
And I am also going to phone this morning to make an appointment with a psychologist I know to get an appointment. DH is back tomorrow. I wish I could be excited about DH being back rather than dimply someone else being Riund to play with DS do I can have some down time. :(

So I can

Not CDN

Not sure what that is. Bloody autocorrect.

I love that pp - resolve to go without shouting for the next 30 minutes - keep our goals realistic!

Making notes here!

Jacksmania hope you had a bit of down time today :)

I did, I ignored the housework and had a nap and got my haircut. Then I met a friend and had a coffee and a walk. Days like that do wonders :)

Jacksmania I hope you did manage to get the time to yourself (and were not tempted to clean / cook / organise!).

Can I ask why you're contacting a psychologist? My DH said a while ago that we should think about getting outside help with DS's behaviour. I wasn't so sure but am now starting to think that maybe I need help to change the way I react to him - rather than have them look at DS's behaviour as if he is the issue IYSWIM. I think I have issues around his birth, first few months, and changes to my life / career that I haven't dealt with.

Am not looking forward to Easter!

So pleased to have found this thread. Have just had yet another difficult day with ds1 (4) ds2 (2&terrible) & not feeling so well, into my 3rd trimester of dc3.

Ds1 does moan, but what really winds me up is that he laughs in my face when I tell him off and says "funny". Ds2 has learnt to do this too. I have no idea what to do about this. Have been considering counselling too.

Then, this afternoon a neighbour came round and we were chatting while the boys watched tv. I noticed Ds1 had his hands in his pants and tried discreetly to tell him not to. He replied, in a v loud voice, "Yes, Mummy, but it's just that my penis is getting so big"

Hiya Jacks, how's it going? We got to know each other over a live birth thread-I had to namechange when someone recognized me...I'm still in Van and wondered whether u fancied meeting up at a Starbucks for a cuppa? I'm on my phone so I can't pm you. Bye for now!

Crazy, yes I'd love to. Although I'm not actually in Van, I'm in Langley. But no matter. Would love to.

I did actually spend the time cleaning and sorting and it was blissfully therapeutic! Time alone. Silence in my head... aaaahhhh :)

I'm going to see a psychologist because I have ongoing issues with anxiety and depression and it's getting bad again. Which is partially why I'm having such a hard time with DS. I had PTSD after he was born (one of those shitstorm births) and it morphed into PND/A. Bad.

Anyway, time to sort myself out. Then dealing with him may be easier. Or maybe not. But hopefully I'll feel better.

Oh Jacks I hope you find some answers, when you are not feeling great a banshee toddler is the last thing you need!

Toddler gate has stepped up a mark here and is now including bed time

The only thing I could ever stealth boast about was that DD3 would take herself to bed by 7.30pm every night and sleep all the way though since day dot ish, it was a god send especially as the older 2 have never been great sleepers but the last few nights DD3 has started playing up.

She is apparently scared of the dark, thirsty, not well, to tall for her bed , it's too dark, too bright you name it.

What to do? By bed time I am knackered and I did shout, she then called out again "Iiiiii'mmmm scaaared" when I went into her room and asked what she was scared of now she pointed at me

I stroked her face until she fell asleep but i don't want to get into that every night do I?

Jacks-that's great! I've PM'd my number to you. Take care of yourself x

roscat I don't even bat an eyelid at that anymore.

AFAIK they actually need to do it at this age to loosen their foreskin, so it can retract when they are older.

I know there's a time and a place, but a 'leave your willy alone' usually snaps him out of it :)

Haven't read the whole thread yet, but marking my place as dd1 is exactly the same and I have such little patience for it.

Bohica mine tries the 'I'm scared' routine too. I think they will say whatever buys them a few more minutes, and that one is a doozy for making you feel like you have to stay with them! :)

My DS does the I'm scared routine too. We now put up a magic shield around the house and garden to keep the baddies out. He also sleeps with a nightlight - which is almost as bright as the main light but he seems to be able to sleep with the glare in his face.

Jacks - sorry to hear you had a bad birth experience. It's good that you are taking steps to talk about and deal with it.

I'll seriously look into counselling to deal with my birth experience too. I broke down in front of the midwife when I had my booking in appointment for my next DC - the thought of doing it again just filled me with so much fear.

I now hate the thought that something that happened years ago, over which my DS had no control, is making me think about and react to him in a way I might not with my other DC

(((((Charlie))))))

And everyone else too - ((((HUGS))))

I have actually had a fairly relaxing day - DH came home around 8 am this morning. DS has been over the moon because he has his daddy back and I am chopped liver allowed to fade into the background.

And DH knows I will be out all day tomorrow - going shopping across the border with a girlfriend. Ahhhh...bliss!!

yay jacksmania :)