If it's been done before, I'm sorry - but please, could I start a support thread for dealing with my 4-year-old?

[Jacksmania]

I'm not being a very good mummy right now. I'm being an awful shouty mummy. :( It's making me feel horrible all the way to the bottom of my soul, and yet I can't seem to help it.

My four-year-old is the sweetest, funniest, cleverest thing in the whole world (moi, PFB? :o). I love him so much it makes my heart hurt sometimes.
And he's also four... which means he whines, cries, argues, and acts like a cheeky brat. I can cope with the cheekiness. But right now, I can't cope with the whining and crying. I don't know what I'm doing wrong - but how can such a cheerful, funny child have days when he starts every request with crying? This morning he hopped in the shower with me, and immediately started crying. "What's wrong??" "Mummy can you get my baaaaaaath toooooyyyyys" . Oh. My. God. Why can he not just ask?????? "Mummy can you please get my bath toys. " You bet, no problem.

Then it was folding his clothes out of the dryer. I made the horrendous mistake of folding his shorts and putting them away. Cue hysterical tears. "Whyyyyyyy can't I foooooooold my shoooooooorts..."
Repeat with every other nonsensical thing and half an hour later my blood pressure is through the roof because the default is to cry and whine and not simply ^ask".

WHAT am I doing wrong? Why can't he just ask???????????

And yet, half an hour later he can be a completely different child, happy and cheerful, and then back to crying over something stupid.

I am going round the bend. I really am.

We just came back from holiday, and while there, he had a massive strop because we couldn't go get another lemon cupcake because it was time to go to the airport.
I'm so ashamed of myself but I literally snapped. Something just went "ping" and I hurled my hairbrush on the floor (well away from him, on purpose - I had that much control) so hard it shattered. And I came close to doing the same this morning, with a cup of fruit salad, but got a hold of myself in time Thank fuck or there'd have been melon all over the ceiling.

I hate myself when I'm like this. I feel like I'm turning into my bloody father who had a scary temper when I was young. Don't know if he still does but that's a different story. I actually frightened myself with the rage I was feeling when he wouldn't stop whining and crying.
I am setting a shit example for him - I don't want him to turn out like me!!

I thought I saw a three-year-old support thread last year sometime, but didn't post on it - could I start a four-year-old support thread?
What am I doing wrong?
Please someone tell me, because I feel so shit right now, I hate being shouty and scary like this.

Yay jacks!

Thanks
You're all lovely.

How's everyone else coping today?

Fine. DH has had the kids

Feeling fairly apprehensive about tomorrow though.

What is the best thing to do with the 'I'm scared' thing? DD has't done it yet , ut it's a matter of time. I had terrible nightmares as a child so I am totally spooked by the idea of her being scared at night and am liable to cave instantly.

Ahhh brilliant Jacks! I hope the day carried on being as relaxing as it started. A day of shopping sounds fantastic. A day away from the DC sounds even more fantastic .

We had an OK day today. DH and I tag teamed looking after the DC and doing our own things - I had a lie in, he went on a bike ride, I went shopping for an hour, he went out for a coffee. It broke up dealing with DS for me. He's kicked me a few times today and I'd have shouted a lot more if I'd had him the whole day.

Just to ask - what do you guys do when DC hit / kick? We've gone back to using the naughty step... any other ideas?

Latrucha - we have the world's brightest nightlight for DS. He says it stops him being scared at night because he can see there is nothing scary in his bedroom.

DS wakes up about once a month from a bad dream. I go into him and use my magic powers to banish whatever is in the bedroom (and lie down with him for a few minutes). I think this only works because he still believes I have magic powers - not sure what I will do when he realises I don't!

Children often turn to inappropriate behaviour for one of a few reasons: they are bored, they are tired, they are hungry, they want attention or they are unable to express themselves. Therefore to reduce occurrences of inappropriate behavior, try to reduce opportunities for such behaviour to flourish.
Overwhelming emotions such as frustration, fear or anger may overtake a child, but if the child is unable to explain these emotions then they may turn to ?acting out? and behaving inappropriately in order to communicate.

try to get into the habit of praising him when he's behaving well and break the habit of telling him off. Everyone likes to be praised and children are no different. Such positive reinforcements will allow him to connect that what he did has made you happy, and therefore was the correct choice. 


When he chooses to act inappropriately or misbehave, greet these behaviours with a negative attitude. be sure to address the behaviour in negative terms, not the child. It is important that he does not feel that you believe that he is bad, irresponsible or stupid. Always addressing the behaviour, rather than the child, will help make this distinction. Above all, be consistent in whatever method you choose and act immediately the negative behaviour occurs. Good luck!

I reassure, but briskly!

I wouldn't want DS to be upset, obviously, but I think that entering into long drawn out conversations just incentivises them to play the 'scared card'.

I also do a lot of 'I'll come back in 5 minutes then 10 minutes when you are asleep . I say that if he stays in bed and is quiet, then I will get in for a little cuddle. Then I say I will be back in 10 mins, and he's off by then. If he pisses about, I don't give him the cuddle and chat, and just say goodnight and give him a kiss.

Also, I would like to say, in the interests of balance, he has been a delight today :) Good good good. And yesterday we had 10 of them in the house for a party, and no one cried

Charlie when mine hits he has to go and sit on his own. I can't think of anything better than a time out. I'd say that they get carried away and forget themselves when that happens so he needs a bit of time to calm down.

I'm just Smuggy Smuggington ATM. DD is being a delight.

I have hereby jinxed the rest of the holiday

Yep, know just what you're on about OP. My 4.2 dd can send me from 0 to 100mph in a second! She is frightened of me shouting and that makes me feel totally scummy and ashamed. We talked about it yesterday after I screamed at her when I found her stood on her bedroom windowsill. I was frightened but inadvertently then frightened her and she was really upset. She later said she was looking at the bird poo on the window.
I lose my temper easily like my parents, and don't want to repeat this pattern. But my daughter said I needed a star chart (she has one at the moment). So hey presto I have one now, and it's REALLY helped today. :)

I don't think a star chart for parents is a bad idea.

I think I have post-birthday come down. I worked myself into a frenzy prepping for it, and it went very well :) (on sunday) but now I feel like I am dragging myself around :(

I haven't even got any DCs with me today (work on a Tuesday).

what shall I do with them tomorrow? DH has taken DS to see the Pirates film today.

God, what an awful day

Took DD to the park with a friend and her DD who is one of my DD's best friends from nursery school.

She was fine in the park and then kicked off on the way home about something (unrelated to leaving the park) and I could feel myself getting really
Her screaming lasted the whole walk back and round the supermarket

I got home and put her straight on the naughty step yelling at her about how cross/fed up I am with her behaviour

I tell you, I definately need a parents reward chart

Oh well, anyone???

Me and my friend call it the walk of shame, Simpson. I won't have a wine as I've got a bug, but have a hug.

Thanks for hug, I will have a for you!!! Total lol at walk of shame That feels about right

Hi, it's Jacksmania, trying out a small name-change :) - should still be recognizable though :)

DS is hugely into pirates ATM and Captain Jack Sparrow of Pirates of the Caribbean (Caravean, according to him) is his hero :o. One of the instructors at his run-tumble-gymnastics things teases him (in a very nice way) by calling him Captain Jack Spareribs. It always makes me laugh.

Last few days haven't been too bad but I have to admit my own frame of mind has not been so good so I've been avoiding a lot of one-on-one at home time with DS :(
I just feel so utterly unable to cope with the whining and arguing. Right now I think if he had a meltdown I would just sit down and cry. So we've been "doing" lots, swimming, parks, that sort of thing.

Had an appointment with counsellor yesterday. Sat in her office crying most of the time. Interestingly, she asked how I think other mums cope, and do I think I'm the only one who feels at the end of her rope?
TBH without MN I would actually feel that way. The people I know in RL aren't a fraction as honest as you all are on here. Everyone puts on what I call "the mask" - the "I'm coping just fine" face. It's good to know I'm not alone.
Thanks .

Ok, enough whinging, how are you all?

DD has actually been pretty good today

She had one major whinge fest this morning and I ordered told her to go to her room until she could stop.....and she did

jacks- it's so true about the mask. I find I do it, and it's exhausting putting on a brave face. I am honest in discussions with other parents though.

When i was pregnant with ds3 in a playground chatting to a mum I had just met who also has 3 boys, I was wondering how to cope with ds2 and she introduced me to the 'fucking fours' concept. I was so relieved I wanted to hug her and cry all at once.

Aw simpson we've all been there! Iva often said to ds2 he should send me for a time out for shouting

Hi CaptainJACK how's it going?

Just started my own little thread to have a small rant about my dd2. She launches into the most awful tantrums now. She's defiant, argumentative, dominating, rude and just bloody awful. I know it's only a phase but I want my little girl back Right Now.

I could have written your post.

You have my sympathy and lots of (((((((hugs))))))).