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Am I being too judgmental?

467 replies

sugarbaby · 05/01/2006 09:36

I am a SAHM with a 3-year-old DS. My sister on the other hand has a 2 and a half year old DS and works full-time. Her DS goes to nursery from 8 in the morning until approx 5 at night, he has breakfast, lunch and dinner there. Well that?s all very well I guess, I guess not everyone is as lucky as I am and can afford to stay at home. However, not only does my nephew spend every day at nursery during the week, but on weekends, he spends at least one day with my mother or my sister?s MIL so that they can ?do things around the house?. Things like cleaning, shopping, clearing out the spare bedroom .. all the things the rest of us seem to manage perfectly well with a child around at the same time. In fact at Chrittmas my BIL said that they don't actually know what toys their DS plays with because he's at home so little. The clincher came this week, my sister has a week?s holiday. Perfect time one might think for spending time with her DS as she doesn?t get much time normally? Her DS however is back at nursery, full-time, not only that, he?s still being dropped off at 8 in the morning in time for his breakfast. I mentioned this in passing to my mother and she said, ?well he can?t stay off for too long now can he, he might not want to go back, and besides, she needs a rest?! Now please someone tell me I?m not being too judgmental, I just feel this just isn?t right! My sister is constantly encouraged to leave her child and seems more than happy to do so, I, on the other hand, was severely criticised when I decided not to go back to work. I mean it's one thing wanting or needing to work, but she's going to miss out on so much of his growing up? It's actually at the point now where my nephew has no confidence other than when in a nursery environment or at my mother or my house (him and my DS do play together sometimes), in fact my DS actually thinks that my mother is my nephew's mummy, and my nephew has called my mum mummy on more than one occasion. Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Caligula · 05/01/2006 14:26

I do remember a teacher saying to a friend of mine "It's not my job to teach your son to read and write".

That was in the eighties though, and I thought the government's literacy hour had sternly banished such sentiments.

Enid · 05/01/2006 14:26

blimey

is it really that hard to do a bit of housework?

honestly?

harpsichordcarrier · 05/01/2006 14:26

oh not mat leave... not same thing at all

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Enid · 05/01/2006 14:26

I mean

is housework so complex that you have to send the kids to nursery to do it?

Aloha · 05/01/2006 14:27

Why don't they hire a cleaner and get an Ocado delivery? Madness.

puff · 05/01/2006 14:27

No Enid, but sounds lovely

marthamoo · 05/01/2006 14:27

Oh I love these SAHP v WOHP, rolling pins v. rolled umbrellas, nappy bags v. briefcases, velour tracksuits v. snappy suits*, no holds barred discussions

Roll your sleeves up girls, let's get this thing kicked off

  • Can I think of any more outdated stereotypes...give me a minute...
Enid · 05/01/2006 14:28

lol

a good point, excellently made

Enid · 05/01/2006 14:28
harpsichordcarrier · 05/01/2006 14:28

lockets - yes indeed. when the house is empty all day it does tend to remain rather tidy.
apart from the elves who make a mess of course.
and if your child gets three meals a day at nursery that does cut down on the cooking/shopping

FairyMum · 05/01/2006 14:29

I am with Aloha. Hire a cleaner, order from Ocado and dance around the house with your children while playing the Ocado-man song.
Oca-oca-oca-do.......tralala....

puff · 05/01/2006 14:29

bummer, thought you were congratulating me on my sharp and incisive contributions

Enid · 05/01/2006 14:29

look before this degenerates

can I just say that I am not anti wohms/sahms or what have you

just think sending your kids away for a day at the weekend so you can do household jobs is utter madness

bossykate · 05/01/2006 14:29

fancyhat, i hear you. think a lot depends on the personality of the child as well. impossible to get anything done around ds when he was small, dd is a much easier proposition.

lockets · 05/01/2006 14:29

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Message withdrawn

Enid · 05/01/2006 14:30

ah puff, pithy and apt as usual

Piffle · 05/01/2006 14:30

my dd is a little whizz at housework, she dusts well and loves helping out
whip a dvd on when ironing
the house is pretty clean toys a mess yes but I've got kids its meant to look like that surely?
As for the reading when I looked at schools for ds when he was 4 none of the reception years at any of the schools were any good at reading one to one.
I should know better than to assume all are so crap, but I taught ds at home not prepared to wing it.
And literacy does start in the home surely...

nailpolish · 05/01/2006 14:30

who needs a nursery to watch the kids while doing housework? i thought that was what cbeebies was for..

and anyway, why the hell cant housework be done while kids are around????????

my 2 sob when i put the hoover away

Dinosaur · 05/01/2006 14:30

I have to say that when the DSs were younger I did find it nigh on impossible to do any housework when they were around. It is a different matter now that DS1 and DS2 play together most of the time and DS3 is generally happy to tag along with them. But when DS1 was little and we just had him, he was a nightmare - I couldn't hoover (he screamed); couldn't dust (he hung onto my legs, trying to grab the duster, and screamed); couldn't clean the bath/sink etc (he hung onto my legs, screamed, tried to get the cloth); couldn't garden (he tried to pull the trowel out of my hand)...

Enid · 05/01/2006 14:30

well then its impossible to get things done

then don't do them

Sadeyedladyofthelowlands · 05/01/2006 14:31

I think the learning to read thing was just Caligula taking the piss out of me being overly precious... Not intended seriously!! Right...?

puff · 05/01/2006 14:31

ta Enid

harpsichordcarrier · 05/01/2006 14:31

I'm with Enid on this
I like the cut of her house coat
and she carries a very sizable rolling pin

lockets · 05/01/2006 14:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Enid · 05/01/2006 14:32

I have 3 rolling pins

and a tabard

and I have a special scarf I wear around my head when getting stuck into messy jobs or cooking