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Am I being too judgmental?

467 replies

sugarbaby · 05/01/2006 09:36

I am a SAHM with a 3-year-old DS. My sister on the other hand has a 2 and a half year old DS and works full-time. Her DS goes to nursery from 8 in the morning until approx 5 at night, he has breakfast, lunch and dinner there. Well that?s all very well I guess, I guess not everyone is as lucky as I am and can afford to stay at home. However, not only does my nephew spend every day at nursery during the week, but on weekends, he spends at least one day with my mother or my sister?s MIL so that they can ?do things around the house?. Things like cleaning, shopping, clearing out the spare bedroom .. all the things the rest of us seem to manage perfectly well with a child around at the same time. In fact at Chrittmas my BIL said that they don't actually know what toys their DS plays with because he's at home so little. The clincher came this week, my sister has a week?s holiday. Perfect time one might think for spending time with her DS as she doesn?t get much time normally? Her DS however is back at nursery, full-time, not only that, he?s still being dropped off at 8 in the morning in time for his breakfast. I mentioned this in passing to my mother and she said, ?well he can?t stay off for too long now can he, he might not want to go back, and besides, she needs a rest?! Now please someone tell me I?m not being too judgmental, I just feel this just isn?t right! My sister is constantly encouraged to leave her child and seems more than happy to do so, I, on the other hand, was severely criticised when I decided not to go back to work. I mean it's one thing wanting or needing to work, but she's going to miss out on so much of his growing up? It's actually at the point now where my nephew has no confidence other than when in a nursery environment or at my mother or my house (him and my DS do play together sometimes), in fact my DS actually thinks that my mother is my nephew's mummy, and my nephew has called my mum mummy on more than one occasion. Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
marthamoo · 05/01/2006 14:46

Caligula, where did you get the Che Guevara apron from? I'd love to get one for dh, he's a big fan (of Che, not aprons). He has a T-shirt and I got him a mug for Christmas.

Marina · 05/01/2006 14:46

dh has an apron with Last Mango in Paris on it. Mine is Cath Kidston, bought in hommage to Cod.

Marina · 05/01/2006 14:47

I guess one pin to flatten the pizza dough and the other to flatten non-compliant dps during arsenic hour

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Caligula · 05/01/2006 14:48

Moo... Argentina.... sorry!

marthamoo · 05/01/2006 14:49

I love threads like this. We start with am I judgmental about my sister's childcare arrangements and end up at dh has a Last Mango in Paris pinny. Only on MN

oliveoil · 05/01/2006 14:50

why would you be a fan of Che????

I do housework round the children, they each have a sofa each and we play 'islands' whilst floors are swept/mopped. Dd1 has her own duster and 'helps'.

Washing done everyday and hung up to dry whilst playing with them.

Weekends are for buying papers you don't read then put in the recyling.

marthamoo · 05/01/2006 14:50

Dangnabbit, Caligula (and stop showing off. Bet it came from Margate Co-Op really).

bossykate · 05/01/2006 14:50

maternity leave can involve toddler(s) as well as small baby.

oliveoil · 05/01/2006 14:51

yes and from memory it was hideous at times, esp when newborn

iota · 05/01/2006 14:52

not in my house bk - -ds1 went to nursery in his "paid for so I'll use it" place leaving me holding the baby (ds2)

marthamoo · 05/01/2006 14:52

I think he has aspirations to be Macclesfield's first socialist revolutionary, Olive.

lockets · 05/01/2006 14:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

harpsichordcarrier · 05/01/2006 14:53

oh ARGENTINA says Caligula, nonchalantly
could you get me one next time you're there, please?
and some corned beef
oh and one of those Argentinian polo players, if they're cheap

oliveoil · 05/01/2006 14:53

I find the Che thing quite bizarre tbh.

Anyway, back to rolling pins..

bossykate · 05/01/2006 14:53

yes, i retained some childcare too - but that is no different than if i became a sahm tomorrow with ds at school 5 days/week!

nailpolish · 05/01/2006 14:54

yes we do the paperbuying too olive, its the sunday times in our house and i only ever get to look at the pictures in the style mag, if im lucky

lockets · 05/01/2006 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

iota · 05/01/2006 14:55

I spend about 2.5 hrs reading the Sunday Times at the w/e

never had the time when I was WOHM with 2 x pre-schooolers

oliveoil · 05/01/2006 14:58

I read the magazines on the bus on the way to work during the week whilst my children are being deprived of my motherly love at grannies.

Janh · 05/01/2006 14:58

Blimey - when I saw how many posts I thought this was one of those old "am I being judgmental?" threads.

Shouldn't these be numbered like the unreasonable ones?

oliveoil · 05/01/2006 14:59

are you not going to mention Murdoch Jan? Go on, you know you want to get one in!

x

Janh · 05/01/2006 15:00

No need now, oo

fancyhat · 05/01/2006 15:00

how did a comment - which was intended only to offer a (possible) generous interpretation into this couple's motivation turn into a multi-tasking competition? My dh's pinny has dds' handprints on it and flowers drawn by dd1 it was a Christmas present last year which we made whilst simultaneously giving the oven a spectacular spring clean. so yah boo. (the oven was being cleaned by Staff but I think it still counts...)

bossykate · 05/01/2006 15:02

i will leave this now, but before i go...

i don't think being a sahm is easy by any means, and in fact i think blanket comparisons of the two are meaningless, as there are too many scenarios to make a sensible comparison.

e.g.

  • number and ages of children
  • additional paid/family help
  • how much you actually like/enjoy your job v. miserable wage slavery
  • how much your partner pitches in

but imho, what improves quality of life for mothers is some childfree time during the week (not including woh) - but if you woh it is almost impossible to find time for this during the week - without either feeling terribly guilty or getting comments like those on this thread.

i suppose what has irritated me on this thread are the numerous statements about how easy it is to get things done around children. i disagree - it is not true in all cases. and also the lack of understanding of just how much has to be crammed into ams/pms and w/es by f/t or almost f/t working parents.

and for me in my circumstances not working was loads, loads easier than working is. that is not to say that is true for everybody. but i'm just as entitled to mention my opinion and experience as those who say that their opinion and experience is the opposite.

Caligula · 05/01/2006 15:04

He looked damn good in a beret Olive Oil.

I didn't get it from there btw. Have to fess up now and admit it was a friend who got it for me. He looked in Cuba, but they're rubbish at marketing there...