Does anyone know how I can get a night nurse. Please help.

[melsy]

I am at the end of my tether.I have no one to help , as DH at work and mum has house full with ill father and younger sister & MIL just comes to VISIT and have TEA for F* sake and conveniently not available to help.

I cannot cope with no sleep anymore and baby just doesnt sleep long enough to have a sleep/rest during the day. I just sit sobbing every day and at night have to look after 6wk old DD who wont sleep past 3:00am! Not fair to get DH up to take over as he drives far to work every day and having difficult time with work.

This has been going on for 3 weeks now.Suffering real bad as still havent recovered from awful birth. Please any suggestions , I live in North London, Enfield way.

NO NO NO Melsy, they have (nearly) all been through it too and will understand I'm sure.

What about a babysitter/childminder - try www.sitters.co.uk if you can't find one, they check all their childcarers and I think they charge about £6 per hour, get one in for 3 or 4 hours during the evenings.

do you drive and have a car?
at times when my ds was little, the only thing that would get him to sleep was the car - he used to need rocked to sleep and would only stay asleep for about 40 minutes. But in the car seat he'd drop off easily and stay asleep for ages.
I used to drive to the mcdonalds drive thru (I know!!) with a magazine and let him sleep and eat and read and close my eyes for a bit!!
sounds mad now - time passes quickly and IT DOES GET EASIER SOON

Oh Charly that Mc Donalds thing just made me laugh. I just visualised doing the same. As for driving, I am so giddy with tiredness( I was severly aneamic so that could also affect me) I get afraid to drive. I feel sooo pathetic

bet you if you came clean to yur cofee group they would all 'fess up too!

Its all a pretence - everyone finds it hard - I am on my third and its still tricky when they cry

So it is normal to want to just get in the car though and drive away alone to knowere for a long time!! I was so excited about having baba & now its all horrible and I feel I am not being the best mum I can be.

You know I used to be balsy career woman. Suited and booted in the West End, High Flyer yada yada, but it didnt work out. Now I just feel like a crap mum too. You see all these together girls pushing prams, great clothes, confident. Now I sit at hm in dressing gown,hair unkempt,make up forom 3 days ago!!! If my old colleagues could see me now , they would be shocked.

listen
i was exactly the same!!!!
there was a period of about 1 month when i admit that i totally hated being a mum
ds is now 15 mths and FANTASTIC!!!!!
people talk about love at first sight with babies - but some people fall out of love a bit because of the shear enormity and demanding nature of a little baby.
Go to mcdonalds!!!
drive slowly!!!
and you WILL love being a mam again
give it a month - but do talk to someone about it
don't be ashamed of saying that you need some help. You may feel a little daft - but you will feel worse if you dont!

Melsy you are being the best mum! Why do you think that the classic image of a new mum is a pale, frazzled, exhausted shell of a woman with greasy hair, no make up and grotty clothes? Because IT'S TRUE! Hands up anyone on mumsnet who hasn't felt like Melsy at some point in the first 6 months of their first baby's life?

But you do need to get some help. I did and it all gets better when you can get some sleep. I do remember wondering why I had bothered to try 3 years for a baby when it was such a nightmare and all I wanted was for her to sleep. Oh and also if she is 6 weeks she will start smiling at you soon, it makes all the difference when you start getting something back.

Just a thought, is she getting enough milk, maybe she is not sleeping for long because she is hungry?

Melsy, about two months ago I rang dp at work, weeping hysterically, begging him to 'take it away and give it to social services'. When dd1 was about the same age I once quite seriously considered going down to the station at teh end of our road and throwing myself under a train. Take a look at some of the things I've written in the June/July babies thread. Then take a look at some other posts as well.

I promise it will improve, but I also realise totally that you need help NOW.

Oh and forget your career woman image for the time being. No one is expecting you to be like that with a little baby

Oh CD, that feeding chestnut. Oiy , I have posted nutty messages about that to!!Cos of cold/infection she has started in the last few days to take in oz 2.5x her body weight, JUST . Which has compounded the terrible not sleeping , not feeding cycle.

Do you swaddle her? My dd wouldn't sleep for longer than an hour without swaddling, did it till she was 6 months. It really made a huge difference, I think she was about 6 weeks when we started and she went immediately from 1 hour to 3 or 4 in a row. It was bliss.

I can email you the details from the book if you like.

I agree with Aloha about getting DH to take a turn at night. My DH also has a long drive to work and long hours at the moment, which he didn't with DD a few years ago. I was quite worried about him doing any of the night feeds, but soon realised he was going to have to, or I wouldn't be in a fit state to look after DD. We wrote down all the feeds one night and worked out the best way to split it and this changes as DS's sleep pattern changes.He's found that he copes fine with this and has no problems at work.I found when DD was a baby that she would sleep longer in one of those battery operated swings, which gave me a chance to sleep during the day.

Hands up from me that with both babies I had times like this Melsly - dont think that this is a reflection on how good a mum you are.

Where do you live?

What time does Dh come in from work? Could you hand baby to him as he walks in the door - go to bed get him to have baby and do even 1 of the night feeds that way you get to have at least a few hours kip - does he know how your feeling?

It struck a chord with me when you said because she is ill he wont know what to do with her - dont let this stop you from getting him to help - I do this and they dont know how to deal with them because they havent had chance! You only know how to deal with her from being in the thick of it from day one - if he is left in charge he will HAVE to learn. Hope that doesnt sound harsh, it isnt meant to HUGS

Becca
xxx

first rule is get dressed every day and put make up on.

leave dd to cry for 10 mins - check your watch while you do it. she wont die and you will feel better.

have you rung the gp yet?

oH and my dh never did night feeds with ds3 as when we did that with ds2 we were bOth just exhausted, I did it all and Got all the sympathy!!

Melsy, wish you'd posted this last week, I could have come and helped you at night, I have just had all half term off, and was at a loose end without my 'mindies' I have trained as a doula so can offer post natal care.

If you want someone to come and take the baby out during the day so you could catch up on some sleep, I could sort something out, I am in St Albans, not that far from you. Tiny babies are my speciality, I feel so in tune with them.

Hope things get better soon, I remember the 1st weeks being awful with my son, up all night every night, moved him into his own room and then miraculously he slept through the night!

There is light at the end of the (long) tunnel!

Oh! a mumsnet happy ending!!

Is it you with the fab website ab?

See Melsy, even a professional like Alibubbles finds it hard, so what chance do us mere amateurs have? I really hope you two get it together, sounds like an ideal solution.

Coddy ditto, I never got dh to do night feeds either and I got loads of sympathy too. He did if I was ill though.

CD - have sent u my e-mail address for book info.

LOL I bet Melsy is off snoozing in McDonalds carpark now.

Sorry posts crossed

Melsy, the answer to your question is YES! Of course everyone feels like driving away/running away/going back to work/throwing the baby out of the window. They DO! And I was that woman too - I worked for a big glossy mag, wore Prada shoes and a Marc Jacobs jacket and had lunch out every day blah blah blah - forget it at least for now. It's not important. I did put on makeup every day because it made me feel more 'me' but it isn't important. You have got into the kind of state where you feel hopeless and helpless and negative so whatever anyone suggests you will say, "oh, I can't do that because of X or Y." So instead of thinking of reasons why things won't work, think of things that can, just brainstorm. If your MIL is OK to come to your house to drink tea, she is OK to push her grandchild to the park and back. She'd probably feel honoured and frankly I'm sad that your mum is criticising you in any way, no matter how subtly or well meant, at this time. You aren't using people, you 'need' people, which is very different. Your dh presumably takes about 20 mins to get ready? And presumably you 'get ready' with a baby around. So he could get up early to give you some rest. You can take a six week old baby into the bathroom while you have a shower and shave - they like the change of scene. In fact, my ds was obsessed with the bathroom as a newborn, nice noises and light reflections, I think. You can go to bed early, or catch a couple of hours when he gets in from work. TALK to him about it. Come up with ideas together. Tell him how desperate you feel. And forget all that stuff about how you need X hours of sleep or it's not worth it. It's crap. You need whatever you can get and every little bit helps. You will survive the lack of sleep, we have all been there and lived, but every 20 minute nap, every hour in the morning, every couple of hours as an early night will help you more than you can imagine. All mums feel like you at times - honest. And for me the cure was to get out - think of things you'd like to do and do them. The car is godsend. I used to do as others did, take ds out until he went to sleep then sit in the car, reading a magazine, eating flapjacks and calling my friends on my mobile. I also met my old work friends for lunch in glam places in town or art galleries and that made me feel as if I hadn't totally changed who I was. Even a trip to a cafe with a memeber of your antenatal group will help you so much. They are just the same as you, really they are. Look at all the new babies threads and you will see. I also called my dh from home one day and was sobbing that I couldn't cope, I wasn't any good at being a mum and the baby was howling, when he too suddenly stopped, went to sleep ( lots of babies cry themselves to sleep) and I thought, 'Oh! I never thought that would happen" and raced off to have a lie down. Call a friend right now and make a plan to go out. Start driving again - it will make your baby go to sleep instantly - miracle! And talk to your husband about how you need some sleep and work out a plan. Keep posting. We have all been there.