Does anyone know how I can get a night nurse. Please help.

[melsy]

I am at the end of my tether.I have no one to help , as DH at work and mum has house full with ill father and younger sister & MIL just comes to VISIT and have TEA for F* sake and conveniently not available to help.

I cannot cope with no sleep anymore and baby just doesnt sleep long enough to have a sleep/rest during the day. I just sit sobbing every day and at night have to look after 6wk old DD who wont sleep past 3:00am! Not fair to get DH up to take over as he drives far to work every day and having difficult time with work.

This has been going on for 3 weeks now.Suffering real bad as still havent recovered from awful birth. Please any suggestions , I live in North London, Enfield way.

you know you are normal dont you? its hard to function when you are so tired.

Ring your family and tellthem athat you are so tired first of all - are you doing a good job of hiding it?

Speak to your Hv if you trust her. sure more local advice will come too

melsy dont have any constructive advice just wanted to say im thinking of you - its hard enough looking after a baby never mind with no help and one that wont sleep

((hugs))

Becca x

Melsy - I hope this doent sound crap but have you tried getting out a bit?

cna you bear the thought of going for a walk or shopping or something? when I felt tired and down post ds1 I felt that little trips boosted my confidence and made me get out of the bloody house. Take a mag and sit on a park bench and read it.

Is becarrolo the "easy" expert? I thought tht sounded really sensible

Do get in touch with your HV. I know they come in for some slack on here sometimes but good ones are a great resource.

Mine have nursery nurses who they send out to people in need for a few hours. They will do whatever you want them to, take the baby for a walk, cuddle it, etc. so you can catch up on your sleep. I was offered one because I had a horrible birth and was still suffering physically. I was worried at first that she thought I might be incompetent but she was very clued up on the fact that I had no family and a willing but hard working DH and needed to recover.

Alternatively, contact a local college and see if they have some nursery nurses who have done their training and want some work experience. Daytime ones would be much cheaper than night nurses I'm sure.

It is miserable but like codswallop says it is normal and it WILL get better.

meant to say no family 'nearby'.

Hey, I thought everyone was telling Melsy to stay away from her HV!!!

A maternity nurse (I don't think a night nurse would look after a newborn) costs about £500 a week. I would look into Gem's suggestion about finding a trainee nursery nurse. Or a mothers help or a part time nanny. Post birth doulas usually work up to 6 weeks but you may find one who would work with you.

Go go google and type in what you want and your area, probably a good place to start.

god yes youa re right Pie - alert as ever - i didnt link the 2 threads!

www.night-nannies.com/mainframe.htm

heres some

Melsy I remember feeling the same, I think most people do at the beginning if that's any consolation. You must try and tell your family how you are feeling and ask for help.

If you really do need a night nurse you could try the Strand nurses bureau 020 7836 6396/7 - they provided a nurse for me for 2 weeks after dd was born as I was too ill to look after her properly. Luckily my medical insurance company paid, I can't remember offhand but I think it was pretty expensive, maybe £1200 per week.

A better idea (if your MIL can't be persuaded to help) would be to ask some of your friends or people from the post natal group if they know of a babysitter or childminder who could come and relieve you for a few hours a day so that you can sleep.

If you want to email me direct do feel free, I can call you for a chat, it might help as I too had a horrendous birth and had to try and cope with a new baby, at least talking through it might help?

xxxx

Have tried all sorts of things GF & Tracey Hogg suggest. I cannot stand GF's school of thoughtand besides neither of them make allowances for illness. Beccarollo & I started at the same time on the EASY plan, but DD has throat infection/ mouth thrush and been quite ill, so sleep pattern is shot to bits .I also have to calm her to sleep because she is coughing and crying. she seems to wake after 45 min sleep cycle as Tracey hogg says they can if they get used to being cuddled to sleep. I just cant face her suggestion of picking up and putting down 100 times to teach them to sleep on their own.

Thank u for your words , receiving these messages helps me a little.

\I remember the best card I got said " IT does get better"

Thank u Pie, my god how did u remember that with the mesages I have posted all over the place!!!!There is another HV I like at my GP but she only works 2 days a week, I am not sure how to get hold of her. She had the same birth as me 5months ago and was so great when she visited me at hm.She was standing in for witch. Why did they have to take her away from my care and send witch round.

ring your gp and get him to get in touch with the good fairy Hv!!

Now - Go on!!

well do

melsey the sleep plans and things can come later once you have got some immediate help.

if you can just manage to get looked after once and catch up with your sleep you will fel soo much better

Melsy, I really, really, really sympathise. You have had a tough time. Now, I know you won't want to hear this, but this is really normal for babies to be like this at six weeks. You need help though. You can't go on like this. You need to TELL your MIL to take the baby for a walk in its pram while you go back to bed for an hour. Or get your dh to ring her up, explain how exhausted you are and ask her to help if you feel you can't. Talk to your antenatal group about it. It can help to realise other people are desperate with lack of sleep too. You will have to enlist your dh as well - I know he works but at the weekends at least he will have to do a night shift or share the night shifts - we women often have a habit of saying, "oh he can't do it because he's having a hard time' but YOU are having a hard time and it IS FAIR that he shares the load (it's his baby too!) - even if that means he gets up at 5am and takes the baby for the two or more hours until he has to leave the house so you can get some sleep. Or you go to bed at 8 or 9pm and he has the baby until midnight. You need to tell him how desperate you are (I remember feeling just the same as you) and come to an agreement about how you share things out. I also thought that to be a good mother I had to do it all myself, but that's just mad and not at all true. You do need to get out of the house. Go and meet a friend and sit in a cafe and have lunch and glass of wine and a cake. Or put the baby in a sling and take a slow stroll around the shops.
There is an agency called Night Nannies maybe www.nightnannies.co.uk or try a Google search that provides nannies and maternity nurses who will do a night shift with your baby at around £90 a night, which you might consider. But what I think you need is more consistent help from your family and esp your dh (I don't mean to sound as if I'm attacking him - I was just like you until I realised I was making myself unhappy and ill and talked to my dh and we shared the load. It has made us much closer as a result BTW)
One trick I found to make my ds sleep better (though he was a bit older than your very young baby) was to a/put him down two hours after he woke up, and b/ (more effective at a young age) at around 4pm every day I lay on the bed under a blanket, cuddling my ds very tightly, almost like a swaddle, and found this tight cuddle in a quiet dark room made him go to sleep (after some wriggling and even some crying) and we could sleep together for around 45 mins most afternoons, which was bliss.
Also, remember, some babies cry a lot when tired, and this crying means, 'leave me alone to get some kip', and are best left a little while because that's actually what they want. This was certainly the case with ds, and it changed my life when I realised it. I could put him down on the bed and go away, and usually by the time I got to the bottom of the stairs and put the kettle on, he'd be asleep. I hope some of this helps you Melsy. Believe me, most of us have felt just like you.

BTW, everyone is right. You will feel better after just one good sleep, and it will get better, honest

Good advice aloha - especially the cryong whn tired Idea.

Oh and the glass of wine is a good idea

Can you go to bed when your dh gets in from work for a couple of hours? Or could he afford to take some time off to let you catch up on some sleep, maybe a couple of mornings or afternoons a week just until you are feeling stronger? I wish I lived nearer you, I'd come and take your bubba out while you nap!

So would I. It really is sooooo much like the way I felt 10 weeks ago, Melsy. And yes, it will get better but also yes, you need some strategies. Best of luck.

It's horrible, and it gets better and it actually gets better relatively soon but obviously that doesn't make a difference while you're still in it. Big hugs.

you know what - whilst talking on here DD just got herself off to sleep(with about 10mins of crying). I cannot believe it she has never done that!!!!.probably becasue she has had so little sleep the last 4-5 days.
I have phoned night nannies & there is also a £150 joining fee. So I will discuss later with DH. He normally does nightshift on Friday, but because she has been ill , he hasnt known what to do with her. I hadnt thought to ask him to get up at 5;00AM to let me atleast sleep for a bit, but he has to leave at 7:00 ish so that wont give him time to get ready.
Unfortunately for me I am the type that needs alot of sleep consistently otherwise I get ill. I read that u need 4 nights in sequence to recover from weeks of lack of sleep.
As for MIL , she works all week and my own mum thinks I am taking her for granted.In her home she does everything, washing cooking cleaning etc and no one there does a thing. So its getting a bit much with me , my neice(3) & nephew(1) and my 2 other sisters !!! She came over every day for the 1st 3 weeks.
I have a coffee grp , but u sense there is feeling that they coped better , and I just seem like a nuerotic mess, I feel ashamed to say I am in such a bad way. It will feel too much like I am vying for attention when they all have babies and stuff to deal with.

Thank you CD , that is such a nice thought.

Your kind words are making me cry now! It just seems like it will never get better at the mo, I just cant imagine it.Also I get upset as I cant enjoy being a mother yet.I just keep wishing this time away to when we can communicate.