what are the reasons for NO smacking?

[hermykne]

I AM CURIOUS to know, folling the other thread, as my dd is so bold at the moment nothing gets thru to her, even putting her in a time out room for 2/3mins, shes 3. she will keep on screaming and then hit something or push something over.
can last 40mins and no matter how you go over the matter with her when shes calm, she doesnt seem to learn anything,
and i suppose smacking will not make her understand either...
but what does smacking create or instill in behavourial patterns in yours opinions?

comliant = compliant

Who said not upsetting children was OK?

It's violence I mind.

Kelly - I have to disagree with your earlier post - why is it that people think not smacking children must equate to children not being effectively disciplined?

"we smack because we love them"

shudder

thats just sick IMO

Completely with tortoiseshell on this one. My children 6 & 3.5 can and have been so badly behaved but I've never smacked them and hopefully never will. I personally think it is lazy parenting. Can't think what to do, so I'll just lash out. Horrible! Can think of absolutely nothing positive about smacking children.

kelly, I'd be interested to know at what age you would stop smacking and why.

great post from NSPCC

personally I believe in masses of positive praise. works for us.

In response to Kelly. My children are now generally well behaved. I've had lots of positive comments from lots of people.
I invoke various sanctions for unacceptable behaviour - depending on the occasion. I always carry through threats - so there are no empty ignored promises. It is perfectly possible to have well-behaved children, who understand the concept of respect - without recourse to physical violence.

I am with QofQ on this one. I have smacked, I have used the naughty step, I have used star charts and timeouts. They all work in their own way.

Smacking a child dies not necessarily mean

• it will escalate
• I am phyisically HARMING my child
• that she/he will learn bad behaviour
• that I should be arrested
• that my kids will hate me for the rest of their lives
• lazy parenting

I have used this punishment badly AT TIMES and constructively at other times. I don't care who many of you sit and preach at me and say I shouldn't have done it, at times I know when I shouldn't. I have lost my temper and smacked my kids perhaps 3 times in 6 years. So come and arrest me!! I have also used smacking as a punishment, done after fair warning like QofQ less than 10 times. However I now have children who behave well, who are not afraid of me, who respect me and know their boundries. I have used the threat of smacking in the last 18 months (my kids are now 4 1/2 and 6 1/2) but it has never got to the point of being used. Therefore I think it is a sucessful way of disiplining a younger child when reasoning is not going to work. Please tell me how reasoning works with a 2 yesr old?

Kelly i don't know about children understanding the difference in 'organised loving' smacking and hitting outside the home as i really don't!
I think smacking is awful, i am actually quite strict with my daughter and do not smack her.

reasoning doesnt work with a 2 year old

they are 2

either put them in their room or out of the distraction or make sure they dont get into that situation in the first place

"organised loving smacking"

freaky

I think i must PARP!

nothing wrong with naughty corner, I'm just shocked soemone would do it in a car park. To answer your semi sarcastic question I don't think it is about any secret parenting trick, I think it is about a whole attitude to parenting. Children are children and need to be able to explore and have fun and lots of wonderful things, but I have a life too! They don't rule, I do - I'm the parent, and I am actively parenting them. We'll go to the park, and have a great time, then we go to the shops, and we WILL walk nicely, we will NOT ask for things, and we WILL do as we are told. It's been like that since dd was 6 months old. I don't ever give in to them, it is on my terms, so they don't bother asking or misbehaving because it won't get them anywhere. I think dd once tried screamign in the middle of a shop (at 18 mnths) - I walked straight off. She looked round in surprise then caught up. If they refused to get in the car I would get in, shut the doors and start the car. Life goes on with or without them, they have to fit in or stay behind. They try things on, like any kid, but they learn a lot quicker because I've never given in.

I was smacked on my legs and erse as a child. Didn't do me any damage!! Didn't stop me misbehaving either though.

I smack my ds on the back of his hand if he carries on doing what I've told him not to do over and over again.

Don't think I'm being violent. Most of the time threatening to sit him on the stairs.... or threatening to take toys from him works.

Of course there are some people that take it too far.... and I hate seeing kids getting smacked... but I think high amd mighty attitudes to this are just as irritating to me as the pro-breastfeeding and Dummy debates!

When did we suddenly become so bloody hysterical about this?

children are not allowed to be smacked by carers at nursery, playgroup, school, nannies etc so if smacking is used as a sanction at home how do they respond or not in those situations and do those who smack believe that smacking should be re introduced in those situations?

i'm off to the school now, so wont be about to reply for a bit.

I think smacking can have one of two effects. Either you end up like me, scared of your own mother, or you become inured to it. In the case of the boys, in particular, that I went to school with, corporal punishment seemed to do nothing to change their behaviour. It was the same boys who went to the head for a caning time and time again. Violence meant nothing to them and they would probably think nothing of inflicting it on someone else.

But I'm no angel - I occasionally smacked my boys when they were young. However, it was a pointless exercise. Smacking them dwarfed the misdemeanour which had caused the smack in the first place and never stopped a recurrence. I think dd1 may have been smacked twice and dd2 has never been smacked but their behaviour has been no worse than their older siblings. Surely no one feels good after smacking a child? I've learned that there are other ways to deal with children that demean neither parent or child and that smacking is merely an unwelcome drain on physical and emotional wellbeing.

I also think the problem with some of the younger generation today (most youngsters are not troublemakers) is that they've been subject to no discipline whatsoever, not just not smacked.

Suedonim - great post! I was in the group that were totally immune to it!

I also think that the youth of today who are badly behaved some have been smacked and it's just part and parcel of poor parenting skills it's a culture of aggression..

Wow Zippi! That is profound!

it's much more time consuming to eg deal with dd1's (occasional) temper tantrums by getting her to vocalise her anger/frustration and therefore be able to use that skill later in life.

Kelly - Please don't assume that I am a soft-touch parent just because I have a two year old who occasionally refuses to sit back in her carseat (she does that arching back thing, so I cannot wrestle her into the straps) I gave this example because it is the hardest for me to deal with.

If we're at home or in a shop or someone else's house, I calmly ignore. When we're in the car and I want to get home, it makes my blood boil because I just want to get home. I think it's too dangerous to leave her standing in the carpark whilst I get in the car. It has only occurred twice and I am still working out the best way to deal with it. I was just empathising with the original poster that 3 year olds can push your buttons but smacking won't necessarily help.

Bundle - Don't know if you meant it, but your post made me chortle.

I agree with you Kelly in many ways - just don't see why smacking has to be involved. In my house, I am the adult and I believe that I know what is best for my children, most of the time. I expect them to respect the house rules that we have and behave as well as the possibly can. Still don't have to smack them to do that. Its not "high & mighty" to be against smacking or hysterical, it is just I believe that their are lots of better ways to get your children to do what you want them to do.

Why assume that just because a parent doesn't smack, their life is ruled by the child?

It just means that that parent has drawn the line in a different place from the one who will smack and has different strategies for coping with bad behaviour.

I'm not keen on the "if you don't smack you're a namby-pamby" insinuation.