what are the reasons for NO smacking?

[hermykne]

I AM CURIOUS to know, folling the other thread, as my dd is so bold at the moment nothing gets thru to her, even putting her in a time out room for 2/3mins, shes 3. she will keep on screaming and then hit something or push something over.
can last 40mins and no matter how you go over the matter with her when shes calm, she doesnt seem to learn anything,
and i suppose smacking will not make her understand either...
but what does smacking create or instill in behavourial patterns in yours opinions?

Think it's almost worse if it's done in a calm and controlled fashion - almost like "with malice aforethought".

good post QofQ.

I occassionally smack mine, once in a blue moon. I don't think it sends mixed messages as there is a world of difference between being given a quick tap for bad behaviour and hitting for the fun of it. I was smacked as a child, and it certainly never gave me the idea that I could hit others. I've seen lots of mums totally overuled by their children as they are frightened to discipline them, and won't ever raise their voice or smack. It doesn't do the child any favours.

My thoughts too, hm.

I do find it hard to understand why anyone would want to discipline their children in a way that hurts them, be it physically or emotionally. Maybe I've been lucky with my dd in that she's not particularly badly behaved, but I have never found myself in a situation where it has seemed that the right way to treat her is to hit her.

And now I'm removing myself from this thread because it's not going to do anything for my blood pressure at all

Its not lazy when like QoQ says you have already tried the naughty step, the speaking firmly twice and at the very end of the line a simple smack on the bum, not a thrashing around the house but just one simple smack!!!!

Like I say different people have different methods and for me this method works with my children.

if you smack young children then you haven't built an atnosphere of trust but one of physical fear and it will come back to haunt you when you have teenage children who may decide to hit you back..damage is already done then

and they will exercise the right to hit siblings who have misbehaved if they see you do it

'malice'? I hardly think it is done with malice. I've only ever doen it when no other method works, not because I am at the end of my tether neither. It is a final solution when a child keeps trying to push boundaries that I am not going to accept, eg lying.

Agree with Hunkermunker (yes I'm being lazy, DD not asleep tho)

It isn't about fear neither. It is about knowing boundaries and having respect for those boundaries. My children certainly aren't frightened of me, but they do respect me. They can try it on, but if I look at them in a certain way they will stop immediately.

What happens if the smack doesn't work? Where do you go from there?

yes, it is lazy

it teaches them nothing and only means you have lost your temper

wallop a stranger on the street, they can sue. wallop a child? considered part of "behaviour management" (and they presumably think it's OK to wallop too)

no thanks.

well thank you all

alot of you are talking about school going children, i think, and i would be in agreement especially regarding hitting a child in a playground and discipling at home with a slap.

all of what you say is very true, and every parent disciplines according to their child i think, be it a good or bad child/parent.

in my case my dd is just not listeningto my reasoning about why she cant do something.
and this morning she just poushed her brother of the chair as he was climbing up, (up to this the game was going fine) and he bust his lip.

i just couldnt belive she'd pushed him again, and i slapped her. he was crying and i was so mad with her. sheran into her room and came out 10mins later and said sorry to him with a hug.

i feel terrible s alot of oyu talk with such reasoning, maybe its my relative naviety with parenting at this age, 3yrs,

i am going to try and approach it differently.
but i shall print htis off for dh to read as its most interesting,

It pretty much always does. A few times there has been an almighty tantrum and screaming fit about whatever it originally was, and I've left them to calm down in their own time, in their room and then talked to them.

There is always a limit, your worse punishment might be the naughty step then what? I'm hopign that if they are well behaved and respectful now, it will continue. It gets better as they grow older, they are aware that they can't push things too far and so hopefully it will stay that way.

I've known people smack at much younger than 3. A year or just less.

The last time this was discussed, I seem to recall asking what age I should hit my DS at. Not sure I got any replies to that!

What would you do if they hit you?

if I've lost my temper I don't smack them, I send them to their room til I've calmed down. I've followed that ever since they were a tiny baby. Obviously not losing temper wiht tiny baby, but leavign the room if it gets too much for a couple of minutes.

hermykne

you used physical violence to punish physical violence - how is that going to work?

My reason for not smacking is simple. How can you tell your child not to smack someone if you smack it?

Neither of them has ever hit me. They really wouldn't even think of trying it. My kids do as they are told. If they did they'd prob get sent straight to bed.

I don't know about when they are older, but all mine are still young and I don't have a clue about teens. Of course by then I will have long stopped smacking them in any case.

Neither of them has ever hit me. They really wouldn't even think of trying it. My kids do as they are told. If they did they'd prob get sent straight to bed.

I don't know about when they are older, but all mine are still young and I don't have a clue about teens. Of course by then I will have long stopped smacking them in any case.

so how come my kids do as they are told and I dont smack them?

Message withdrawn

They might not hit you but when they are older they won't like you for it My mum was v pro smacking and all of us have been affected by that You can't just go round hitting people who do something you don't like or you must expext to be hit back

'How can you tell your child not to smack someone if you smack it?'

simple - different rules for different circumstances. It is okay for my son to gently kick me while my back is turned when I'm pushing him in a swing. He knows that, I knwo that, and he finds it an incredibly funny game. It is okay to punch someone in a boxing match. I can smack my child if he/she has been naughty.

It isn't acceptable for me to smack him without reason and it isn't acceptable for him to smack others outside of acceptable scenarios.

Children can understand that perfectly well.

If you aren't going to smack, you need an effective alternative. It's no good trying to reason with a tantrumming toddler - in fact adult reasoning often doesn't work anyway, they don't have the language development or thinking skills to follow it.

I disapprove of smacking for all the reasons listed although have to confess have done it myself when the situtation has got out of control. Not something I am proud of or wish to repeat.