what are the reasons for NO smacking?

[hermykne]

I AM CURIOUS to know, folling the other thread, as my dd is so bold at the moment nothing gets thru to her, even putting her in a time out room for 2/3mins, shes 3. she will keep on screaming and then hit something or push something over.
can last 40mins and no matter how you go over the matter with her when shes calm, she doesnt seem to learn anything,
and i suppose smacking will not make her understand either...
but what does smacking create or instill in behavourial patterns in yours opinions?

crunchie - good post. Now I really am going .

i know people who smack are not child abusers

lots of friends who do it

doesnt mean I have to like it though

No QofQ I am not trying to scare you. I am trying calmly and rationally why winding up this thread is doing nobody any good, and if you continue to be naughty you can go and sit on the step for x minutes (insert age at x)

Now if you persist in coming on this thread and being naughty then I will be forced to give you a smack. A smack being a light tap to the hand to get you away from the keyboard.

Now do you understand????

sticks her tongue out at Cruchie and runs away giggling*

Nah - wallop her.

Would like to know more about cliffrichard's upcoming dictated by god number one though.

lol

Thank you Enid.

I was getting worried incase any of you were going to the London meetup and were going to out me as a child abuser

Now QofQ, please go and sit on the step until you can behave yourself. Think about how your behaviour is naughty and don't come back until you apoligise.

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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I like a bit of slap and tickle personally!

I think people are labelling the act, not the person committing it!

My child can do something naughty, but he is not a naughty child.

A person can abuse a child., but they do not necessarily meet societies view of what a child abuser is.

I don't like smacking - it makes me feel absolute outrage on behalf of any child I see being hit. It really isn't one of those topics where I can say, each to their own - sorry, in some ways I wish it was, but I can't!!!

The fact of the matter is, that the only people I have ever seen smacking children have been out of control when they have done it. I have never seen the calm smacking that you are describing here. My revulsion relates to the walloping that you see going on down the local shops. I'm afraid I always stare, and glare. So yes, I judge! And no I give no credit for the shit time the parent may be having becuase you shouldn't take your shit, crap lives out on your children. Too simple an argument, yes, but nevertheless many many people with shit lives get by without walloping their children. If they tried hard enough so could they!

On teh oCcasion where I saw a mum, pinching and pulling hair so that passers by wouldn't notice what she was doing - I declared loudly for all to hear - 'we can all see what you are doing and it really isn't very nice is it'. To her credit she blushed a wonderful shade of pillar box red!

Off you go and stay there until you can come back, apologise and be nice

but it does make me wonder - a few people on here have said they don't like smacking, in any shape or form, but have admitted to giving a "once off" smack.

How many of these "out of control" smacks that everyone else is talking about have been one of those??? Maybe the one time that mum lost it and smacked was down the shops?

Agree QoQ. That's why I'd never glare at another mother who is smacking her child, because it may well be the only time she's done it and I really don't think it's my place to judge her parenting choices any more than I would glare at anyone whose child didn't have a hat on in the sun or cold weather, or who was smoking, or whose child had pierced ears.

Glaring at someone who is bashing their child in a manner I'd describe as abusive is different imo. But I guess we all have our own definitions of abuse, don't we.

Possibly QfQ, but I think for many non-smackers, smacking just isn't in the range of options at all.

It just would not cross their mind to do it. Certainly for me it would be crossing a serious line - and I cannot imagine anyone ever winding me up to that extent. Having said that I am incredily laid back - almost bovine (with out stealing Moo's name)

I think its a bit like saying, I saw a guy punching someone in the street but nevermind it may have been the only time they ever lost their temper so we'll let them away with it!

Apoligise before you start contributing again

No - I won't, I won't, I won't........

but I am going to go and put the heating on and do some route planning for DH

Well if you feel you can't aplogise you will have to go back on the step, off you go.......

ok.......but only because it's bl**dy freezing up here - just checked and it's about 8degree C in this back room!!!! !

Been thinking about this alot, as it is one of the very few parenting subjects I feel strongly about.
100 yrs ago, children were generally physically chastised in a manner which we would consider abuse nowadays.
I was smacked, walloped & hit with implements as a child in a manner which nowadays would mean that I would have been taken into care. My mother saw nothing wrong with her methods & even thought she was soft because compared to her own upbringing, she was nothing like as harsh.
So, society has moved on & better methods have been found to discipline children than fear of being physically hit. This has only happened because so many people no longer approve of using physical force against children.
Maybe it is because I have personal experience of seeing where smacking leads. When the tap on the hand is no longer enough, when the smack on the bottom is no longer enough, when the back of the slipper is no longer enough, the wooden spoon no longer enough, the hose pipe, the rope and so on.
I know for many, many people it is not a slippery slope but I just can't see why anyone would want to take that chance or go there when it simply isn't necessary.

OK just a couple of questions for the smackers:

1. Would you be comfortable with this calm, rational non-hurtful smacking being used as a form of discipline at your child's nursery?

2. Would you be comfortable using this form of discipline on other people's children under your care eg on a play-date?

I have in the past disciplined relatives' children with naughty-step, which is what I do with my own ds.

Thank you QofQ now go and play nicely

1. Not sure about nursery - but certainly at school I'd be happy to see the return of (properly managed - ie like they do in Zim now) corporal punishment.

2. No - apart from telling them not to do something verbally - I wouldn't take it upon myself to discipline someone elses child - that would included taking privledges away, naughty step or smacking.

Bugsy to answer you first, IME a light smack never led to anything else and was enough. It did not lead to a belt or whatever. It shocked my kids enough to stop what they were doing and to do what I asked. Again I do understnd why, for some people they feel it could lead to more and more, so they don't step on this path.

I have also stated my kids when asked about the WORST kind of punishment they could imagine (after asking if they remember being smacked) They both felt the step, or locked out (!) would be worse than a smack, as it is a withdrawl of 'love' for a period of time. In their eyes. Hence this worls far better than smacking now, but when they were young it didn't.

In some ways I equate this to the drugs arguemnet. SOme people say marujana leeds to hard drugs. It doesn't always.

Saadia, have you never heard of kids that are angels at nursery, and devils at home??? My kids will do anything that they are told to - BY OTHERS, first time.

This also answers your 2nd question. When I have had kids over to play, they always behave themselves. There has never been need to disipline them (it is usually mine who are creating )

Right, QoQ. I'm just trying to determine whether those who do smack think that it should really only be between a parent and their child, and if this is the case then why is that.

Yes crunchie but some kids are naughty at nursery. Most of them do listen but you get the odd terror who needs controlling.

I suppose different rules apply to family, but when the dss' cousins are over I treat them exactly like my own and they are not always well-behaved so need to be disciplined.