what are the reasons for NO smacking?

[hermykne]

I AM CURIOUS to know, folling the other thread, as my dd is so bold at the moment nothing gets thru to her, even putting her in a time out room for 2/3mins, shes 3. she will keep on screaming and then hit something or push something over.
can last 40mins and no matter how you go over the matter with her when shes calm, she doesnt seem to learn anything,
and i suppose smacking will not make her understand either...
but what does smacking create or instill in behavourial patterns in yours opinions?

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Yes it was the case when most of us where children I'm sure - but why do people assume those who use smacking are still stuck in the dark ages?????

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Because outside of Mumsnet, parenting and attitudes to children in Britain are in the dark ages!

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Not stuck in the dark ages, but inspired by the dark ages perhaos?

Seriously though, I am anti-smacking and favour a complete ban, but have got a more balanced view of parents who smack after spending time on Mumsnet. I agree awith a lot of what you say about there being many variables to a child's life HRHqoq

It does bug me when people keep making the statement that "most" parents smack out of anger: yet all of the "pro"-smacking parents on here state time and time again that they don't smack when angry or out of frustration.

I know with my own ds, when he was smacked when he was younger (he is now 5 and other punishments work better), it was either done as the final sanction of a series of sanctions - and never ever because "I was angry/furstrated" - in fact, if I had been emotional in that way, that would have made me not use a smack. Alternatively, it was an urgent "tap" to make him realise he was doing something dangerous.

The smacks he was given were only ever light taps which shocked rather than hurt. Think along the lines of a friend who is trying to steal your lost chocolate - you "smack" their hand away, not in a way that actually hurts (and definitely would not be considered "assualt").

The number of times he was "smacked" probably don't even stretch beyond the fingers of one hand.

I actually agree with the statement that smacking out of anger or frustration is wrong and teaches a child nothing. But that is ot how I used it on the rare occasions that ds was smacked.

I am sorry HRHQoQ, I did not mean to offend or make anyone angry, I was just voicing my opinion which is what hermykne asked for. And in answer to your question, I have no need to either smack or put my child on the naughty step because I have explained and explained and explained to her until I am blue in the face to her why certain things cannot happen or she cannot behave in a cerain way and I have done so even before she could talk or walk or even understand me. She often gets frustrated and I often cry myself to sleep but better that way than resort to violence.
This is my parenting philosphy, I know it's not terribly original to quote this but I'd like to stick up for myself. Sorry if it makes you angrier.

"If a child lives with criticism
he learns to condemn
If a child lives with hostility
he learns to fight
If a child lives with ridicule
he learns to be shy
If a child lives with jealousy
he learns to feel guilty
If a child lives with tolerance
he learns to be patient
If a child lives with encouragement
he learns confidence
If a child lives with praise
he learns to appreciate
If a child lives with fairness
he learns justice
If a child lives with security
he learns to have faith
If a child lives with approval
he learns to like himself
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship
he learns to find love in the world"

But that's the point isn't it Prettybird - most parents on here aren't representative of most parents.

Whenever I've seen anyone smack a child in RL, it's been in fury, not calmly. I guess we can only go by our own experience of what we've witnessed, but I have never seen smacking exercised in a rational, fair manner in RL. Which doesn't mean I don't think it happens, but I find it hard to believe that it's how it mostly happens. And the problem is, if you ever did a survey on it, most parent wouldn't tell the truth about it - the results of a smacking survey would be about as reliable as the ones about sex.

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so you don't discipline your child at all?????

quite agree C

(btw I'm not stalking you in a sycophantic way.. honestly... [mad eyes emoticon]

Laurasmum - I have read that before and agree that it is a fantastic philosophy.

However,I would also argue that it is possible to agree with smacking and still follow that philosphy of parenting.

My ds is never ridiculed or condemned; he is loved, cherished, encouraged and praised - and is also taught boundaries. Teaching children what is not acceptable (off the top of my head - mistreating pets, for example) is also improtant.

Never needed to, dd1 is nearly 3 now, she does things wrong, of course she does. My tone of voice, firmness, change of my charcter etc has always been my means of discipline, she's never known anything else and responds to it well. I have explained why something was bad since day 1, as I said, she is an intelligent child and although she tests me, often, but she just wants my love and wants to please me as any child does for their mother. I am beginning to see the start of respect in her behaviour, something I hope will only grow and it would break my heart to ruin it all now by breaking our trust by hitting her.

I follow that philosophy too......but then I'm a child abuser who whacks their child without thought or reason and instills the fear into god into him....so I can't can I??

me too apparntly QoQ!!

I'm not even going to comment. Goodnight.

We all have our own style of parenting!

I have to asmit though, I have never cired myself to sleep over something either ds or I have done.

Ds loves and trusts dh and me, and is a confident, happy,(generally!)well behaved wee boy.

At the end of the day that is all that really matters to all of us!

Give up QOQ! our halos have slipped for the night and i dont think we'll win em back tonight

I know - and I have to get my dreadfully unhappy and insecure little boy for school in the morning.......no wonder he loves going so much

It still surprises me that anyone is not angry when their child misbehaves to the extent that they need to discipline them

you must be very cool and calm parents

Yes, you evil bitch queen from hell

Im not always calm, i did post earlier that i have been known to shout.

Interested in this assumption that all parents who smack have no self control!

No ..it was just people said that they never smacked their children when the y were angry..only did it as a form of discipline

zippi - what I meant by that was that I don't just lash out at DS1 because I'm angry that he's been naughty.

It takes self discipline for myself to make him through to the process (other punishment, 2 warnings etc etc) before he gets a smack. It's not just done out sheer anger, it's done in a controlled way.