Has anyone read, 'Raising boys'? Shocked when i saw it!

[threecurrantbuns]

I walked by this book the other day and had to double take, didnt seem pc to me but after saying so to another mum she talked as if its a well known book.

I have two dds a one ds (my youngest) so maybe thats why ive never come across it until now.

I was shocked at first, thinking surely we should parent our children the same way whether they are boys or girls!??

But now im wondering whether to take a peek at it, i have become curious, i didnt grow up around boys, just had sisters, maybe there is something im missing!?

It is very interesting book.

Some bits I found immensely helpful, others less so.

But it is a parenting book. It isn't compulsory.

Getting shocked about a book title, without actually having much idea what it is about seems a bit of an over reaction.

I think I mis took the title had had visions of literature telling how to bring up a 'proper boy' not my term but one I have heard a lot, aswell as lots of other because they are boy comments. For instance I have a friend who's dh has received lots of negative responses when he wouldn't let his then two yr old 'boy' watch star wars. It's seems in fact the book is the opposite so look forward to it arriving

I see.

I met Steve biddulph . He is really nice.

Did you judge a book by its cover OP?

tsk tsk.

I find SB is very negative about lone mothers parenting boys and I didn't warm to him when I met him on a book promotion tour, either. I much prefer 'Raising Cain' and 'The Trouble with Boys' which are less didactic.

It sounds like there are a few dads who liked it tho' which can't be a bad thing

Wonder if ill get my dh to read it
He isn't a great fan of parenting books

I think he's a good author and would say it's a good book.
But, several years after reading both, would say "Secrets of Happy Children" was more memorable/ more fundamental good advice there.

It is a good book, but even better is 'Mothers raising sons' - hilarious. Real insight into the mind of boys (because frankly, I've never been one and I don't always 'get' men) so knowing how to raise boys into nice men is useful

Yes have it very good book

Sorry this is ot but I'm a bit confused as to why some people are so anti any parenting books?

I can't help but think that seeing as how raising ds is probably the most important thing i will ever do in my life, a bit of research can't harm. It's not like i'm legally bound to do what the book says.

Yes, I'd agree with that Moonface - I've read loads of parenting books and found them very interesting and encouraging.

• Not sure how much difference they've made to my parenting though, as so much is instinctive and depends on your own experiences/ upbringing
• Main thing is they've validated my own experience as in "Three in a bed"

which was one of the most interesting as it talked about raising children in many different cultures and times, and put the modern, western approach in context.

And even a small difference in approach can have a big influence on the results I guess !

I read it donkey's years ago as I have three boys and the youngest is nearly 12. I think you have the wrong end of the stick a bit. The message is not that as a parent it is ok to impart different values on your boy children, but that boys have a different chemical/hormonal make-up to girls and therefore sometimes benefit from a different approach or style of parenting. And it's true to a large extent I think.

Without wanting to lump all people of the same gender into one homogenous group, most boys tend to have typical boy characteristics, and to get the best from them they need to be handled slightly differently to girls. Of course the reverse is true also, but I think he wrote the boy book first, because most girls were thriving well enough under a sort of benign regime of 'one size fits all' whereas many boys were not thriving, and parents and teachers were labelling boys as 'naughty' or 'bad' or 'too boisterous' just because they didn't respond positively to the same techniques.

And mostly it's about understanding how boys' brains are hard-wired and seeing that we sometimes have expectations of them that are unrealistic and unfair.

OP I recommend you take a look at this thread and this one both of which will probably offer some enlightening thoughts and suggestions on books about parenting boys.

I think it would be a good idea if you also read this which shows how the typically-held (and understandably held) assumptions such as:
most boys tend to have typical boy characteristics, and to get the best from them they need to be handled slightly differently to girls. Of course the reverse is true...
are incorrect.

Boys' brains are not "hard-wired" differently to girls - it is we who make them so by the way we treat boys from the moment they're out the womb.

It's a fascinating area, I must say. And personally I have found parenting books to be invaluable because I don't believe parenting is instinctive, it is learned. And as AngelDog and others say, you pick and choose the advice that works for you and your DC.

Good luck!

My experience is definitely not what Inmaculada describes.

It's an ongoing debate with strong opinions on both sides.

And as many sides as there are opinions.

I can imagine, Goblin, and its not a debate I'm keen to get into, but had to post as my experience has been so forcefully on one "side".

Immaculada, IMHO as the mother of three boys you are wrong. Boys have lots of testosterone and it make them behave, well...like boys. I started off thinking much like you and I was not going to allow my children to have any gender specific toys - in fact, no - I did allow them 'gender specific' toys - girls ones. My eldest son got a dolly and a pushcahir when he was 2.5 and I had DS2, so he had his own 'baby' to care for. He had a ELC kitchen, and he used to make me dress him up as the Little Mermaid when he was about 4. He used to borrow my pink bikini top (which had pre-formed cups) he put a long deep orange t-shirt on his head so it looked like Ariel's hair, and I had to bind his legs together with a long green pashmina, so he had a 'tail'.

He was never allowed guns or violent toys. But I realised that however well-balanced and in touch with his feminine side he was, I had been fighting a losing battle when he got a bit older and constantly built guns out of sticks from the garden, and Lego.

Buat anyway, as someone upthread pointed out, that's not necessarily what the book is about - it's about encouraging boys to be emotionally literate.

Thanks for the links will be reading through them with interest.

I am not adverse to parenting books, quite the opposite but i think the problem for me i can get brain spin while i constantly assess every situation after reading various things, not because i always feel what ive read is always 'right' but because i find it fasinating.

Think the problem with parenting books are often that they are opinion based and there are so many factors effecting a childs live etc.

Therefore i agree that it is prob wise to take bits that you feel are relivant to your family and your own dcs.

I have a huge interest in it all but also have to be aware that i am easily dragged into the whirl of literature, im already contemplating ordering all the books that have been mentioned on this thread But also trying to change my mind set slightly and go with the flow more/enjoy my children. Obviously you still can if you read parenting book but in my case sometimes i put pressure on myself afterwards.

Try asking friends, you will be amazed at how many you can pool and borrow from each other. Then you can laugh at some of the foolish and outrageous bits.

I've had 5 DS and 1 DD. My youngest is 14 and I think it's a brilliant book. Even managed to get DH to read it.

Immac, I'm pretty sure the book does talk about how boys brains are wired differently to girls. That the 2 sides of the brain work and communicate together differently in boys to girls, which is why you see more boys with conditions such as autism, adhd etc etc.

That's one of the reasons I like to read a range of books about parenting boys.
My DS has AS, and I've always found that looking for one answer to the way he sees and processes the worldis simplistic and unworkable. Just to say that it's entirely nurture doesn't seem to make sense to me.

Tiredcurrentbuns i know what you mean about it all being fascinating but a bit much. I have a really simple way of decideing which books to take more seriously and which less so. I check out how well referenced it is. Few ref's mean it is mostly opinion and so i take it more lightly or not at all (eg GF) ! Lots of refs mean it's more rigarous (sp) and evidence based. Of course that doesn't mean it is right for my family...but i would give it more consideration. An eg of this would be "evidence based parenting" very well researched but not asking the right questions imho.