Has anyone read, 'Raising boys'? Shocked when i saw it!

[threecurrantbuns]

I walked by this book the other day and had to double take, didnt seem pc to me but after saying so to another mum she talked as if its a well known book.

I have two dds a one ds (my youngest) so maybe thats why ive never come across it until now.

I was shocked at first, thinking surely we should parent our children the same way whether they are boys or girls!??

But now im wondering whether to take a peek at it, i have become curious, i didnt grow up around boys, just had sisters, maybe there is something im missing!?

I have three ds and its a bit like.... did anyone see bill bailey's baboon's..... am going to give this book a try am intrigued, anyone selling a second hand one?

Why not read 'Pink Brain Blue Brain: how small differences grow into troubling gaps' first so you can understand the actual science of the differences in male/female boy/girl bodies at different ages and stages, and then decide if we're really different enough to warrant reading 'Raising Boys/Girls'.

As Lise Eliot puts it - 'Men are from North Dakota, Women are from South Dakota'

I gave up in a huff early on after the part where boys are best not going to nursery until the age of three (raw nerve). Is it worth dusting it down and reading it then?

Sorry, I passed my copy on long, long ago.

A lot of people pick up on the nursery bit, but it's just a few lines in a reasonable length book. Don't most of us find at least a few things in books like these that we don't go along with? I don't like the way Chris Greene is enamoured with controlled crying & against co-sleeping, but his Toddler Taming books are quite useful to me otherwise.
Most of Raising Boys is about the importance of teaching boys to be emotionally literate. No he doesn't like nursery care, but that's only one small part of his vision of helping boys be their best.

I loved this book.
I have 2 boys and it really did open my eyes to my expectations of them.
Like Colditz says, boys have different hormonal structures from birth, their brains are also wired differently from girls, and therefore need to be treated slightly differently.
I loved the book, was very useful.

I have just had DS3 and have been sent this book by 2 people! When I'd just got the one DS I was told about it and thought it sounded like tosh. Now I've got 3 I feel like I should take this all a bit more seriously! I hate generalisations, and DS1 and DS2 have very different natures, but from what I've skim-read it looks interesting esp on fathers and sons. Though his sweeping statement that if dads work 50 (or was it 60) plus hours a week they will mess up with their sons had my DH's blood boiling so he didn't get very far with it

Well im looking forward to it arriving now, and also ,ay order the pink brain blue brain one too, then im sure ill spend days driving my dh mad with all my new found information

I have a dd and a ds. I do not believe in gender stereotyping and have tried to be balanced in my approach. I have seen my ds play with baby dolls (he loves pretending he is going away for the night and thinking about what he would need to pack for his twin babies), tea sets and cookers. He knows how to put the washing machine on and he sees my husband iron, cook and clean. I openly encourage sensitivity and expression of emotions. Likewise my dd plays with the Lego castle and cars and sees me indulge in fantasies about knights and battles with my ds.

However there are inherent differences I am sure of it. Of course part of that will be personality traits but I am convinced there are inherent gender differences that should be nurtured and applauded where appropiate.

Have four DS's and was given this book several years ago. Keep thinking I should re-read it now with the benefit of hindsight, but at the time thought it was a load of mumbo-jumbo! Might have to get it out of the loft and re-assess, although I suspect I'd end up chucking it out if I did.

As a as a parent and a teacher, I really didn't raise either of my children in gender-constricted roles. Nor do I use outdated stereotypes in class.
Have you read the book you are judging so harshly?

I read it when DS was 2. It has stayed with me, its main messages and has informed my parenting of him, as well as massively helped my understanding.

Maybe its not a very pc thing to say, but I instinctively know how to parent DD and how she works, where DS was and is a bit more alien to me.

The particular parts I found relevant were the mother/father/mentor phases ( which now DS is 7 is spot on ), and the information around behaviour at growth spurts.

I found it interesting and informative. Of course, I wouldn't follow it slavishly, but then I wouldn't do that with any parenting book - I read lots and take the ideas which apply to my family.

rubyrubyruby - yes I have read the book. My interpretation of it was that there are patterns of behaviour and developmental issues which are particular to boys and that a parent can help them reach their potential and grow up fulfilled and balanced by acknowledging this and parenting accordingly.

The issue of gender stereotyping was discussed in the book so my post was relevant

You felt that it didn't support men doing tasks that have traditionally been considered female? It's a long time since I read it, but I don't remember interpreting it in that light. So both DS and OH can wash and iron and flower-arrange and cook. DD and I can tackle various traditional male jobs as well, and do so regularly. The only restrictions are aptitude and certain physical ones. Like height.

It's the only parenting book which has stayed on my husband's desk at home. So it's good.

It (and Raising Girls) was recommended to me by my friend, who is a reception class teacher, before either of us had our own DC.

I now have a DS and "Raising Boys". It is principally factual, there is no denying that there are physical differences between b and g, even if you do not think/agree that there are any emotional/mental differences.

Although, just to play devil's advocate, I thought I remembered it being strongly disapproved of by some posters, and they quoted this link.
Making up your own mind by reading widely and selecting what bits you like of any parenting advice makes the most sense to nme.

www.thefword.org.uk/reviews/2009/05/raising_boys_he

I have also read Pink brain Blue brain and found that very interesting too.
Mars and Venus less so, I didn't finish it, and that is quite rare for me.

I read it a few yrs ago when ds was about 12. I like it, and anyone who thinks that you can raise boys and girls the same way is barking imvho.

They are completely different.

Why is he anti boys being in nursery care, out of interest? My DS has been in a nursery from 7 months. I may get this book.

It's not a gospel to be followed to the letter.

It is, however, an interesting and insightful book that offers some new ways of thinking. I like the way it emphasises how to NOT buy in to the 'boys are tough and macho' crap. Boys need gentle support every bit as much as girls do. Sadly they are often expected to get on without it.

Agree that it is a good book for fathers of boys to read.

I have lesbian friends who have 2 sons (one each, both boys from same sperm donor). They read this book on my suggestion and found it enormously helpful, especially the bits about boys needing male role models. They have actively recruited 'nice' males (brothers, friends, etc) to do stuff with their sons and make them feel involved with their unbringing. All is going extrememly well and the boys are delightful (aged 6 and 4 now).