This is going to sound ridiculous but I am putting it out here in the hope that someone can help me. I am really at the end of my tether. Granted, it has taken me a long, long time to get there, but I am finally there and I need some help otherwise I really am going to go mad.
Me and DH have two daughters aged 17 and 24, both still living at home. The older one has always been very challenging from being a toddler. She went though the terrible teens phase, well, terribly. Looking back, I suppose she never did anything that bad- lying, drinking, smoking and mega-tantrums, possibly all normal for some teenagers, but believe me, if you were there at the time it was simply awful.
When she was about 17, it looked like she had turned a corner. She took her A Levels and got a place at college and settled down to do her degree. As she was still living at home (her choice, the option to go away to study was always there) it wasn't always easy to say the least but she graduated but since then, it has all gone downhill.
She hasn't been able to hold down a job since she graduated and although she has been made redundant a couple of times, she has mostly been sacked a few weeks (or even days) into the job for lateness, rudeness, laziness or similar. The longest she has ever held down a job was for six months. Her attitude towards work stinks, quite frankly. Now she is unemployed and although she is applying for jobs and does get a few interviews, I don't really expect her to get a job any time soon. She won't apply for jobs outside the local area as she says "it costs thousands to move towns" She has never made any financial contribution here, as even when she was working, she said she needed pretty much all of her money for her car, petrol etc and she would start paying board when she had paid of her (relatively modest) overdraft, which she never did. In hindsight we know we should have made her pay even a modest amount of board, but we were trying to help her on her way financially after uni. She has no intention of moving out as not only is she in no financial position to do so, she is mean beyond belief and would not pay rent on a house or for bills and groceries when she can live here for free.
Her opinions and views on life, which she has no qualms about expressing to pretty much anyone, are sometimes beyond belief. The other day she parked in a parent and child bay at the supermarket and when a member of the public took her to task over this she replied "I will park where I want".
She regularly has tantrums over nothing and the other week she trashed her sister's bedroom because someone had finished off a packet of biscuits. She shouts and screams every day over nothing and constantly rants about her life as soon as either me or her dad get in from work.
I am not saying me and my husband did everything right but I honestly do not know why she is like she is. My younger daughter certainly has her moments but she is a good kid, works hard at college and is well-liked. My two sisters and my nieces and nephews simply cannot stand my older daughter and find it difficult to spend any time with her. This is awkward as we have all been so close and do lots together as a family, but I can't say I blame them at all.
So what do we do? She's not going anywhere soon.
Please help.