Which stage or process in parenting do you think you made a right old mess of?

[notanumber]

I found potty training far and away the most difficult and stressful thing I have had to do as a parent. The only time I have ever hit one of my children has been over struggling to get him to use the toilet.

I don't think that I'm Mother of the Year or anything I do really, but false modesty forces me to declare otherwise, but I think I'm basically a pretty good parent. When it came to potty training though, I was a total disaster - I should have reported myself to Social Services.

Yet I've had friends who have breezed through it the bastards. However, they have really struggled with, say, breastfeeding which I loved.

Obviously this is so far - I am aware that there is probably many a nightmare scenario just waiting for me.

So what about you? Which stage or process did you find most unbearably awful challenging?

S, OP, being into statistics as I am, I would say the winners of "worst stages for pareting" are:

1. Teenage years
2. Feeding issues at various ages (but mainly weaning and bf)
3. Potty training

Oh dear. I haven't even tackled two of those (1 and 3) and made a right mess out of number 2. Cheers!

Notsohappymum, I haven't got to that stage yet, but I remember being at university and hating my course - should have changed but I was so worried about telling my parents. It's good he's talking to you. I hope he's going to finish this course? Really hope it works out OK. I certainly "encourage" my teenagers as I know it opens more options to them but am learning to encourage them in what they're good at. Dd2 is pretty creative, wheras Dd1 thinks media is for dummies. I try not to judge, but support with the occasional kick up the bum.

Hope it goes well when you see him at the weekend.

All of it. Each phase has good bits and challenging bits. The early weeks are just hellish and then just as you start to feel human again the teething starts to disrupt things.

Looking back, I found between 9-18 months absolutely exhausting with my first set of twins. They needed far more attention than when they were sleepy newborns or easily entertained/easily containable sitting ducks. As soon as they were mobile my life got waaaay harder. Just about to enter that stage with my new set of twins. Ho hum.

I am feeling like a rubbish mother with my five year old (first set of) twins at the moment because all I seem to do is moan, nag and tell them off over every little thing. I just don't have any patience with them. Although I guess it's my issue not theirs - they are just being normal children, not especially naughty. I'm just frazzled and taking it out unfairly on them. I have concerns about my son about some of his behaviours and development and I don't think I am handling it well. I am also a bit neurotic with all things school related and worry that my son is in his sister's shadow and how they both compare to their peers. I am a worrywort for sure.

Not really looking forward to the teenage stage and the thought of drink, drugs, teenage pregancy etc etc etc.

ahem...shamed to admit we did out and out bribery over food with DD...she got 10p for every time she tried a new food and the bargain was she would take a whole mouthful chew and swallow and try each food up to 8 times (so up to 80p per food item). Every food then added to her repertoire was a whole POUND on top of the 80p. Only counted for savoury stuff though. Fabulous child-parent contract with immediate reinforcement of reward that was, and thanks to Applied Behaviour Analysis for giving me the idea!!!!!!

And then we did the same with cutting up meat carefully and knife and fork control...then she insisted she got £5 for learning to use chopsticks...and now she can choose a restaurant once per month and we take her out for a meal becuase she can eat so well and likes lots of food. Took about 2 years to go from trying food to the going to restaurants...but it means DH and I now can go out to eat to decent restaurants again.

Despite abject failure with parsnip and avacodo we now have a total cheese freak who also mows up cabbage and swede, and anything from Wagamamas or the local curry house.
She also has £46 in her money box...my little capitalist!

Oh, and I never never want to go through the learning ot read and the Oxford REading tree again, I almost went insane.

can anyone plz tell me how to pull my DD,6,off laptop ,cartoons and gadget games.she always loved reading books as i started reading to her when she was jst 6 months old and she was thrilled.i read to her while eating,travelling and before bed times watching her listening with great excitement and soon she was retelling her own tiny versions of Red Ridinghood and Ugly Duckling keeping us amused as she was jst a year n half then.later in school she loved Biff n Chip stories and soon moved to the highier stages of the book.i dont no xactly when but since the start of year 1,she has become addicted to cartoon ,online games or games in my cell.if not disturbed ,she would spent hrs on these things.DH singles me out as culprit.the more you stop the stronger would be the desire to do the same.so for the last few weeks i stopped dissuading her at all and jst watched her switching from tv to computer and then to my DH's blackberry.i feel totally wrecked and jaded and even curse myself for being a clumsy mom.wonder anymom out there can help me

I second TSC - just take it away when you think she's been on it too long. One of my son's is an addict and we deal with it with one hour screen time a day. Any screen (computer, tv, DS or Wii - he decides how to split the time) and after an hour - off it goes.

He was 5 or 6 when we started it - lots of howling and growling at first but he quickly became used to it. I never waiver from that hour and I don't care if it makes me unpopular. When he pays the mortgage, he can make up the rules

He is reading a book right now

thanx for suggesting Thehomecoming,i tried as u told but only resulted in outbursts of anger,sulky facen n frowning eyes,bangs of doors slammed shut all of a sudden,rude arguments insulting me before anyone at all and above all reproachful eyes of my DH.Isnt it enough to shake ur resolve and give up thinking its no use. i even feared that it may put her off learning.

Ta muchly seeking & hatwoman, we seem to live parallel lives. Just realised I called my 7 yo a ds instead of dd in my first post, doh. DD already does the sweetness and light thing while DS picks an argument at every opportunity, so maybe they will swap around sometime. Dictaphone sounds useful but possibly a bit traumatising / storing up ammo for arguments in future years (along the lines of: you never trusted me, you even recorded our conversations... how controlling are you...). Sorry, just imagining how I would have thrown this back at my mum at 14 or so if she'd done that to me. Actually, my mum was so calm in my teens, most things were like water off a duck's back, or least seemed to me - still the same now. Wish i had her patience (or perhaps feigned deafness comes into it?).

Hi pinky,
I reckon you need your DH to back you up on decisions with DD, not roll his eyes and say you're taking the wrong approach. But I know from experience getting support from DH and presenting a united, positive, team approach to things can be the hardest thing of all.
No answers really, just a shared dilemma.
I'm sure all that reading you've done with DD over the years has got her off to a great start with all her learning.

Definitely the teen years. I never knew the meaning of parental guilt until then.

I'm very good with babies and toddlers...I think I'm doing just about OK now. I'm shitting myself I will be crap with teenagers. DH and I were really good teenagers, so have no idea what to do with crazy ones!

loved ur balanced and wellthought solution to my problem,thax jugglingjo

Thank you to all the supportive messages re my "adult" child.
I shall see him tomorrow(yippee) and we will have a long chat.
He already has his BA and this year he is doing his Msc which he intends to finish but he was going on to do teacher training. He has just had enough and I do not want him to have a breakdown just to please us. I would love him to come home. He is only 22 and needs some time to reflect I think.
I think he would make an excellent teacher and be a great role model but perhaps he needs to be a little bit older with experience of areas other than education.
Thanks again I appreciate all your comments

All stages can be a challenge...but for us, definately going to high school. Not old enough to be completely independant...but try telling them that!!!. I understand u have to give them more freedom but when there's kids out there who always have loads of cash on them and are allowed to go anywhere for as long as they want..it puts immense pressure on you as parents ...saying no has become harder than ever....Still say it though.!

I have 3 kids, 9, 7 and 22 months, and I have to say the worst bit has been ds1 when he was 7-8, he was a little s**t, and I couldn't even discipline him, as he would just laugh in my face. Thankfully he seems to have 'grown out' of it! Give me newborns and toddlers anyday!

Pinky53 try to find "Living with children" by Gerald PAtterson and "PArents are teachers" by Wesley Becker.

Basically you'll find strategies for getting rid of unwanted behaviours and introducing new, desired behaviours using a number of techniques. ALso shows you how to get past the "behaviour gets worse before it gets better" stage which is what happens mostly as children's ability to whinge and tantrum exceeds their parent's ability to put up with the whinge/tantrum.

And tell your DH to read them and work out the best approach, just sitting and criticising is useless and cowardly of him.

Given that I had an extremely oppositional and adhd son who pushed us to the absolute limit a lot of the time, I actually feel quite proud that in six months he will get his Msc (all being well!). This is the boy who when sent to his room for time out, appeared down a drainpipe having climbed out of the window. The boy who would only sit on the naughty step if you sat on him!

Tell us more stories about how horrible he was, AMPitW, I think you'll give succor to many!!

miggsie,thanx for ur response but would u mind telling me where i can these books from?

Hi Back from seeing my son and daughter.
He is coming back home after he finishes his Msc. He said he feels like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders. He just wants to come back and get a job (God willing). I think "us" mums deserve a medal!! How many time must we stay awake worrying about our children. I am sure daddies do too but they never let on!!!