Help me think of a suitable punishment please

[AnnieLobeseder]

DD1 is 5. She like to draw and doodle. Today she was doodling in the frost. Except that the frost she was doodling in was on my car. And she was doodling with a 2p piece. My brand new shiny car is all scratched to shit. I have a love heart carved into the door.

It wasn't malicious damage, it was just damn thoughtless. My parents would have spanked me, no doubt.

Obviously that's out.

I want her to think long and hard about what she did. I want her to stop mindless doodling, and to think about what she doodles on in future. I want her to remember what she did, and the punishment she received, but I don't want to be cruel. How do I make sure she learns a lesson from this but without being awful to her?

So far all I've come up with is sending her straight to bed after her bath without stories for a week. Story and cuddle time is very special to us all - her sister can have this time in our room instead while DD1 goes to bed.

Any other ideas?

If you told her off at the time, that's enough I think. No point in some prolonged punishment, esp as she didn't really understand what she was doing.

It's not about including her sister and excluding her, it's about not including her sister in the punishment. Since they share a room, toys, and everything else, I'm a little lost at thinking of a way to punish DD1 that doesn't also punish DD2, such as no TV.

And she's a 5yo child, not a dog, of course she can remember for as long as a week, and certainly for more than a day. If she shows any sign of forgetting, I'll show her my car door!

Please don't do that annie. I also think its cruel Im afriad and winced when I read it. You are right about one thing - it is very special the story and cuddle time and to deprive your child of htat willmake her feel very bad indeed about herself and you and tbh I cannot think of one crime at all that would merit that.

OK, so please suggest what I can do. It really needs to be big and memorable.

If she loves to doodle and draw, could you take away all her pens and paper for a week?

I haven't made up my mind at all. I accept that my idea might be too mean. So I'm genuinely asking for ideas. Something this naughty, intentional or not, cannot just be brushed aside.

Even for a 5yo, not meaning to have done something is no excuse, and I'd be doing a poor job of preparing her for the real world if I pretended otherwise.

Well my ds did that to my dh's car when he was 5. Politically incorrect or not he got a wack and than was asked to try and get the marks off. So he stood for about 10 mins which is as long as you can ask a 5 yr old to stand there for i think wiht a wet rag and tried to get the marks off. #When he couldn't I think the penny dropped. After he came in all wet and cold was given hot choc and warm bath and cuddles and he spontaneously apologoised.

Not that I am advocating wacks you undersrand but my dh deosn't do policital correctness!

But she didn't know it was wrong as such, if she did it again then you could punish. Now you should just explain why you're upset and that doodles should only be done on paper.

I still feel totally let down in myself after denting the roof in my fathers car while cleaning it. That was 19 years ago!!!!! I didn't realise cleaning would leave the dents but I certainaly learnt and all my father did was express how disapointed he was about what I'd done.

Perhaps you could confiscate a treasured toy for a few days. She upset you because she damaged your property and taking something of hers for a short time could help her to understand a little of how you feel.

You need to distance yourself from your own feelings (the fact that the car is new, for instance, makes it worse for you), and stop thinking about 'punishing' your daughter.

She didn't deliberately set out to upset you or to damage your new car.

Let her know her actions have consequences, and let the consequence match the action.

Get some T-Cut and a cloth...spend tomorrow evening rubbing out the scratches.

When she's doing it, give her lots of praise for putting right the damage she has done. When it's done, give her a piece of paper and tell her 'we draw on paper, not cars'. Make sure you don't confuse this by giving her mixed messages (like allowing her to draw patterns in the snow on a car with her finger, for instance).

I did think about confiscating drawing materials, though she does most of her art at school and after-school club. So she wouldn't miss out much.

Her only treasured toy is her cuddly lion and even I'm not mean enough to take that away from her!

I like the idea of making her try to wash the marks off - that might get the point across better than other methods. She needs to learn a lesson now, not next time she does it! I've told her a million times to keep her art on paper!

Ah, indeed, make her fix it! Another good plan.

the thing is she is 5 and didn't do it to hurt you, she didn't know what she was doing. I could never punish DS1 (5) for this after the event. OK, shout and get cross at the time, but a premeditated punishment is unfair on such a young child, esp as she didn't realised what she was doing.

Don't take your anger out on her, that is unfair.

Btw annie - think I understand your name

Do you see that taking away her drawing materials when she loves to draw is going to make her feel resentful towards you and even more likely to draw on other things, such as cars?

Also, I would never want to 'punish' the DC, it sounds so draconian

Hoo boy, I see it's mostly the softly softly school of parenting who are out and about tonight. I prefer a heavier approach, myself.

Thanks for the ideas folks.

Kol ha kavod, Lisalisa!

Could a 5 year old reasonably be expected to understand cause and effect? If she genuinely didn't realise that what she was doing was wrong - ie you hadn't said don't doodle on the car (my DCs doodle in the steam on the windows and the dirt on the outside ) and she didn't do it with the intention of scratching then a punishment seems unfair.

A consequence - ie you did damage albeit unintentionally, but when you damage something you put it right - seems much more appropriate than no stories

Annie to me half an hour spent t-cutting and polishing the bonnet seems like a fairly strong message to her and quite a heavy (and not pleasant) consequence.