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Parenting

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Original poster

Help me think of a suitable punishment please

108 replies

AnnieLobeseder · 07/03/2011 22:35

DD1 is 5. She like to draw and doodle. Today she was doodling in the frost. Except that the frost she was doodling in was on my car. And she was doodling with a 2p piece. My brand new shiny car is all scratched to shit. I have a love heart carved into the door.

It wasn't malicious damage, it was just damn thoughtless. My parents would have spanked me, no doubt.

Obviously that's out.

I want her to think long and hard about what she did. I want her to stop mindless doodling, and to think about what she doodles on in future. I want her to remember what she did, and the punishment she received, but I don't want to be cruel. How do I make sure she learns a lesson from this but without being awful to her?

So far all I've come up with is sending her straight to bed after her bath without stories for a week. Story and cuddle time is very special to us all - her sister can have this time in our room instead while DD1 goes to bed.

Any other ideas?

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A1980 · 07/03/2011 23:09

Perhaps try not to let her be in that situation again.

What was a 5 year old doing out side in the cold alone with the car long enough to scratch a love heart in to the door with a 2p piece. That must have taken a while?

Magicjamas · 07/03/2011 23:11

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amistillsexy · 07/03/2011 23:12

Oh no, Annie, not 'softly softly', simply that we are here to guide and teach our children, not threaten and punish.

Because by punishing them what you are actually teaching is that you are bigger, stronger and more important than they are. And one day your child will grow up and decide she doesn't like feeling smaller, weaker and less important than you. And then you're in a mess.

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lisalisa · 07/03/2011 23:12

Betach and leila tov Annie!

Original poster

AnnieLobeseder · 07/03/2011 23:13

A1980 - HA HA HA HA HA!!! Yes, my poor DD, alone, cold, out in the frost, carving love hearts for her unfeeling mother while the tears dripped down her frostbitten cheeks.

Thank you, you have cheered me up no end!

(and by the way, I was scraping the ice off the other side of the car, it was a small heart and took her a few seconds)

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Themumsnot · 07/03/2011 23:13

I wouldn't punish her at all. You told her off at the time, I imagine. That should be the end of it.

Original poster

AnnieLobeseder · 07/03/2011 23:16

Leila tov gam lach, Lisa. Hen matzchikot meod, nachon?

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Magicjamas · 07/03/2011 23:16

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seeker · 07/03/2011 23:19

Did she know she was doing dsamage? If she didn;t - and I bet she didn;t - it would be WILDLY unreasonable to punish her at all. You've told her off, presumably shown her the marks and explained that it's permanent damage and told her not to do it again. Forget it now.

If she does it again, then it's ton of bricks time (not no stories for a week, though, especially if her sister will still get them in a different room - that's a really aunpleasant mind game.

Original poster

AnnieLobeseder · 07/03/2011 23:19

Good night ladies - thanks for your help, though for the most pare we clearly have very different ideas on effective parenting. I'm not laughing at anyone except A1980, though. Cos that was funny!

As it is, tomorrow she'll be out there with the T-Cut.

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Magicjamas · 07/03/2011 23:21

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reddaisy · 07/03/2011 23:21

My goddaughter is 5 and she would certainly understand how long a week is etc. I agree that your suggestion of a punishment is a bit mean but I defintely think some kind of punishment is in order.

Children need to understand that their actions have consequences to make them think before they do things in future. Could you stop her from going to her after school art club for a week? Or cancel a swimming trip or something?

seeker · 07/03/2011 23:26

"Even for a 5yo, not meaning to have done something is no excuse, and I'd be doing a poor job of preparing her for the real world if I pretended otherwise."

What a bizarre statement. So if your child trips on the step and drops a cup, the consequences are the same as if she deliberately threw it out of the the window?

TheSecondComing · 07/03/2011 23:29

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littleducks · 07/03/2011 23:30

So has your cute little toddler dd grown into a little monster michevious so and so then Annie

I have this trouble with mine so i dont feel qualified to give advice as i havent managed to stop it once yet

If it makes you feel better have a pick at my profile, that was dd about a year ago

colditz · 07/03/2011 23:33

ten minutes with some T-cut

She gets to see that it is REALLY DIFFICULT to mend scratched cars, but also gets the idea that this isn't a mindless whupping, it's restorative justice.

Original poster

AnnieLobeseder · 07/03/2011 23:33

Sigh. No seeker, of course not. In the same way that if she had slipped and scratched my car with the coin as she fell, I would not be angry.

But she did deliberately draw on my car, even if it wasn't malicious. It wasn't accidental, just thoughtless.

She has been told, repeatedly, only to draw on paper.

Oh well, at least some people here seem to understand the concept of making children accept the consequences of their actions.

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Original poster

AnnieLobeseder · 07/03/2011 23:34

Hi littleducks! Your DD is looking gorgeous! Sorry, no pics on mine, I'm incognito!

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Original poster

AnnieLobeseder · 07/03/2011 23:35

Sorry, that come out wrong, her art is looking gorgeous. Much more talented than mine! LOL!

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PaisleyLeaf · 07/03/2011 23:35

Don't let her use the t-cut incase she takes off too many layers or wipes her eyes or something. Just some soapy water to clean the car (if you must).

littleducks · 07/03/2011 23:36

You must have got wrong link! There is no pic of my kids on mine, just a very badly drawn on sofa!

BluddyMoFo · 08/03/2011 00:07

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OhWhatNoooow · 08/03/2011 02:13

Annie, love your name! Baali yisraeli....

MadamDeathstare · 08/03/2011 04:47

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SofiaAmes · 08/03/2011 05:16

So what's the lesson you want her to learn? Don't doodle? Don't doodle in the frost? Don't doodle with a 2p? Don't mess up mummy's new car, even if you have no idea that what you are doing will mess up mummy's new car. She is 5, not a teenager.
Personally I think you are at fault for not supervising your child better. You presumably told her off at the time. I don't think any further punishment is appropriate and in addition I can't quite see what you would achieve with a punishment.

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