Help me think of a suitable punishment please

[AnnieLobeseder]

DD1 is 5. She like to draw and doodle. Today she was doodling in the frost. Except that the frost she was doodling in was on my car. And she was doodling with a 2p piece. My brand new shiny car is all scratched to shit. I have a love heart carved into the door.

It wasn't malicious damage, it was just damn thoughtless. My parents would have spanked me, no doubt.

Obviously that's out.

I want her to think long and hard about what she did. I want her to stop mindless doodling, and to think about what she doodles on in future. I want her to remember what she did, and the punishment she received, but I don't want to be cruel. How do I make sure she learns a lesson from this but without being awful to her?

So far all I've come up with is sending her straight to bed after her bath without stories for a week. Story and cuddle time is very special to us all - her sister can have this time in our room instead while DD1 goes to bed.

Any other ideas?

I suppose people felt you were determined to punish your daughter as you came across as very angry in your OP.

If you drive a car you know the consequences of reversing into another car. Nobody would do it deliberately, so it is technically an accident. But when you get in a car, you are aware of the damage you could do if you get it wrong.

If you are 5, it is very unlikely that you would know that drawing in the frost ont he side of a car is going to do serious damage. After all, it didn't when you drew in the frost on the fence, the path, the window..perhaps even on the window of the same car.

A completely different thing.

It is NOT a completely different thing.

A child damages a car. It was an accident, so the damage was unintentional. The child should not be "punished" and have her cuddles taken away. But is unreasonable for the child to learn the consequences of her actions, and have to help repair the damage she has caused? (Helping her mum to polish the car)

An adult damages a car. It was an accident, so the damage was unintentional. The adult should not be "punished" and be given criminal sentence. But is unreasonable for the adult to learn the consequences of her actions, and have to help repair the damage she has caused? (Paying for repairs through her insurance)

She is 5, and had been told several times not to draw on anything but paper. It was a thoughtless mistake, but then, so is reversing into another car.

Oh, of course in both cases, the perpetrator should try to put it right. Who said they shouldn't?

It's the punishment that's at issue.

Personally, I don't see trying to put right damage you've caused, however you did it, as punishment. I see it as normal human interaction.

Then you agree Condensedmilkaddict's analogy was a good one, and did indeed make sense? :)

"It's the punishment that's at issue." The car accident scenario never covered punishement, so it's irrelevant there. With regards to the OP, if you don't see fixing the damage as a punishment, but as normal, then how is that at issue?

To avoid confusion (mainly for myself!) I am assuming we're acknowledging that the thread moved on from the "no cuddles" tactic so time ago.

Oh good grief, are people still posting here!?

And still nothing new is being said!

Please can we let this die, folks, it's all been said and I've frankly had enough of being told I'm a cruel and neglectful mother by people who can't even be bothered to read the whole thread.

Not sure how my OP came across as angry. I wasn't angry when I wrote it, and I don't see the anger in it. At no point have I felt any anger over the entire incident.

I agree, Annie. You didn't seem angry to me in your OP, just at a loss as to what to do! You quite clearly say that you'd come up with one idea that you're not sure about, so ask for other ideas.

Very clear.

The word 'punishment' seems to be ringing alarm bells with some posters, but you have made it clear that you don't want to 'punish', just to help her remember the lesson.

Let's face it, if you'd have wanted a quick punisment, you'd have slapped her legs and made her cry (like my mum did to me! )

Here everyone...

  <img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Brew" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/brew-BS3hxhZ7.png"> <img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Biscuit" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/biscuit-Bb72xcrJ.png"> <img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Brew" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/brew-BS3hxhZ7.png"> <img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Biscuit" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/biscuit-Bb72xcrJ.png"> <img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Brew" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/brew-BS3hxhZ7.png"> 

<img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Biscuit" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/biscuit-Bb72xcrJ.png"> <img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Brew" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/brew-BS3hxhZ7.png"> <img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Biscuit" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/biscuit-Bb72xcrJ.png"> <img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Brew" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/brew-BS3hxhZ7.png"> <img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Biscuit" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/build/assets/biscuit-Bb72xcrJ.png">

let's all have a sit down and talk about this awful weather we've been having! Help yourselves to tea and biscuits!